Pokemon X: Desires of Fate
by BlizzardBuffalo
Summary: The world is being consumed by darkness...but who is the only likely nominee that'll save it? Why, your friendly neighborhood pokemon trainer! Join destined hero and half-phoenix Skye Grendhert, as he embarks upon the ultimate pokemon journey...
1. Preface!

Here you have stumbled upon BlizzardBuffalo's pride and joy.Pokemon X!!  
  
In the year 2030, in the country of Navia, This is the epic journey and saga of young pokemon trainer Skye Grendhert, a not-so-typical, laid- back teenager residing in the peaceful (but boring.) town of Elmwood. He thinks that he is just a normal boy with a talent for Ice pokemon, but deep within his veins pumps the blood of the phoenix pokemon, Ho-oh.This is also the story of his best friend, Dan Ultunno, a plucky little inventor and a serious pyromaniac when it comes to the fire pokemon and incendiary tools of destruction.he often lights a firecracker at the wrong place and time.and often the wrong bomb too. This is also the story of Tackus Oslos, a talented knife-handling gangster and bird pokemon trainer who, like Skye, can barely confront his haunting past memories. This is even the story of Rachel Tessa, a beautiful psychic girl who lives within a secluded mansion with a formal air to it.not to mention just a bit sassy. And last but not least, this is the story of Mike Mulcun, a tough, peaceful, nature loving guy with muscles as big as his heart. Born in the far off mining country of Drail, he is of tough stock, not to mention slow to anger and skilled with Steel pokemon.  
  
This is the story of how they must combine all of their powers to confront the massive Neo-Rocket empire.while evading their mothers, prissy college students, and the menacing Unown and everything else awry that comes with their traveling lifestyles.  
  
But if they hope to save the world, Navia alone, how can they do so if they can't get along with one another? The Neo-Rockets are powerful adversaries, and the ten NeoHunters, elite but devious and wicked pokemon trainers with super-enhanced pokemon seeking the limitless power of the Unown, are not easy foes at all. But with their crude home-made weaponry, their pokemon arsenals, Skye's phoenix powers and a stolen hippie bus, these five trainers have nothing to fear against the face of evil. They'll make tracks on anyone who stands between them and their quest for pokemon, glory, and Pennsylvania-grade fireworks as they strive to compete for the ultimate tournament of them all.the Navia League!! But what evil intentions are behind the whole setup?  
  
Will Tackus Oslos ever redeem himself of his petty, pokemon related crimes? Will Rachel figure out her ancestral connection to the Dragon Lineage of Rayquaza? How about Mike, and his quest to discover why the Unown are throwing off the balance of nature, and who is driving them to commit such atrocities? Will Dan ever,"Score?" And Skye Grendhert.can he discover the whereabouts of his missing father and brother, and why he possesses the blood of a phoenix?  
  
The five of them must combine their powers in order to succeed on their adventure.and allow the pokeballs, bottle rockets and the jump-kicks fly!  
  
As you see, Pokemon X contains a massive hiatus between a serious, structured storyline, and five rag-tag teenagers who just mess it up with all kinds of parody, humor and satire. I intend in the future to publish a graphic novel, since I have all sorts of recreational illustrations of the characters, the world, and it's villains. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to post them.  
  
But the story is all here.or whatever I've finished so far.  
  
Enjoy it for BlizzardBuffalo's sake! 


	2. Dawn of Evil

Disclaimer: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Pokemon is licensed by Nintendo, so it is very likely that I will possess a multi-million dollar trend, nor would you. I don't own any of it in simplistic measures.  
  
2010. The world is at peace.  
Mankind has technologically advanced since the last 20 years, living in peace with the pokemon that also share the Earth with them. And those 20 years have been a prolific age for the intense study of pokemon by the zealots who wish for them and others to know more about them.  
  
Though the release of upgraded pokemon trainer paraphernalia made people assume that life is like a box of Frispy Frosting doughnuts, there is both sunshine and shadow. Refusing to be illuminated, within the shadow lies a rise of secretive, organized crime, most which is pokemon related. A steady increase shows that pokemon are gradually being used for wrong, and possibly illicit purposes. The lights shines upon a mysterious organization which in the past, wasn't an extreme danger to the public's well-being and safety. Reports say that it was disseminated, but they're returning from the ashes as an even stronger power.  
  
First off, currency is being filched for unknown causes, meaning that there is a miniscule average between rich, bustling economies and ghost towns. Just then, the development of the Aqurbis City Project, a city being built primarily below sea level for the study of pokemon has been brought to a stand-still. Next, archeological sites stated that the relics hidden within the Ruins of Alph are being stolen. And finally, new but unusually hostile pokemon like the so-called,"Last Survivor," are being discovered, leaving many communities in a state of hysteria.or in ruins. The government is blaming this organization for all of their troubles, but others claim that something within cyberspace is causing all of these problems, though some both think that the two are somehow linked.  
  
But there is a greater evil within.shadowed by the shadow.  
  
Sometimes it's not just the media or the government, but people could know too much. Sometimes a struggle for complete power also results in a harmful understanding and destruction to others. And sometimes what you know may be dangerous.  
  
This is unaware to Skylex the III, a leader of the mysterious organization devoted to their evil purpose that the government is determined to undermine.  
  
Skylex studies the secrets of a strange meteor found in the land where northern lights glow.  
Where the wind is like a knife, a sharp edge of Winter.  
  
The land of Icycl.  
  
The meteor is supposedly dangerous, flowing with the power of the Jade Fire.which brought death to all life in the bloom of creation, as listed in the ancient scripts hidden within the libraries of Ecruteak City.  
For an unknown purpose, legendary creatures destroyed the evil.  
The meteor.a dangerous ore that can kill.mutate.  
A monster that slips into nightmares.a reincarnation of the meteor's ultimate power, that was not meant to be tinkered with.  
  
Over time, after the rebirth of life, it has been known as human nature. We forgot about all of these secondary source stories that gossip brought by things like the National Enquirer and just continued to live our lives studying and battling with Pokemon, trying not to remember the horrible events of the past.  
  
Being a pokemon trainer is an everyday thing, but climbing the ladder to a Pokemon Master is a dream that is very common in a kid's eyes. Skye is one who sees this goal.who plans to get all of the Pokemon Gym League badges.to walk in the footsteps of his brother.  
  
To solve the nightmares of a monster who plagues his mind.  
  
Pokemon soon flooded Skylex's thoughts as he discovered this Rajeerium.If Rajeerium cells made contact with a Pokemon's.  
  
How is it all so intricately twisted together?  
  
Evil is spreading like butter substitute and someone must stop it! Skye will go on a journey for these badges.this secret.But the hero will band with many friends in a time of need and destiny. Against an organization led by a man who lost his sense that we went too far.  
  
The legend lives on. And it will restart on the rays of the next morning sun.  
And Skye's pokemon journey will begin.Sweet! 


	3. Navia Intro

The World of Pokemon X  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, for it is licensed by Nintendo. And I like ham.  
  
Navia  
  
Navia is a small, humble island continent located right in the heart of the Lugian Sea, just east of Ceiceiel, Minia and Ceiceia. This country is divided up into three regions: Silvalan, Columaze and Greenill. Silvalan is generally humid during summer, but dominantly chilly and dry, being in the presence of Icycl. Forests crammed with a good array of pokemon makes this a great accolade for pokemon training rookies, and the precarious Fang Mountains offer many ice climbing opportunities for brave adventurers, and a fine ski resort. Columaze, located between Silvalan and Greenill, is a mysterious section of Navia, where an almost tropical heat rules the countless caves, secluded deserts, shady towns and the Colum Weather Tower, which has been standing since ancient times in tantamount with one of the Ruins of Alph in the area. And Greenill, directly south of Columaze, features vast valleys expanding with greenery, pokemon and geysers. The government currently ruling Navia has donated ungodly amounts of cash for the developing ideal to make their pokemon trainers the best, though the reasons why their motives are so clouded and sections of the country seem to be under martial law leave a bit to be desired to know. Technological expansion, thanks to the new Omnikrone computer system that runs it's course from under government order, has allowed the creation of advanced transit systems like pricey Teleport stations and the disseminating use of Johto and Kanto's Magnet Train. Glass domed farms, cities and Bio-plants are also present in Navia, as well as an advanced reservoir system. Overall, Navia is a beautiful country, with rolling landscapes, colossal mountains and hidden valleys and ruins. Best of all, there are all new pokemon gyms and pokemon galore, and that is the epitome of a pokemon trainer's perfect start into the world!  
  
Unfortunately, Navia has a hefty crime rate. Two rival pokemon gangs, Team Aqua and Team Magma, have brought their fight from Hoenn to Navia. Their influence in Navia has also struck up concerns and rumors about two legendary pokemon, Groudon and Kyogre. The latest gossip also reveals that Team Rocket influence in Navia is also making a comeback. 


	4. Ah, the License!

Disclaimer: Hey, guess what? I do not own Nintendo, Pokemon, The Legend of Zelda or any others mentioned. Chunky Soup is a product of Cambell's.mm, mmm better! Prozac and Gatorade are also not owned by me.although Gatorade is owned by the Coca Cola company. Funny, if not random?  
  
The dawn of an epic journey begins with a platinum-haired teenager named Skye Grendhert, and his pyro-friend Dan.who have to earn their Pokemon Training Licenses! But won't that be a tad difficult due to the following? Now, let Pokemon X BEGIN!!!  
  
"Ah, The License!"  
  
Floating. This time they had to make me float in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Everywhere I looked, I only saw the blackness of the abyss around me. With nothing occurring, I was already growing incredibly impatient and called out to anyone, but the only response I got was my resounding echo. Heck, they could've thrown me into the middle of a Greek Orthodox service or something, but whatever was controlling these nightmares decided to conveniently to drop me into a pit of darkness for me to idle away just to take my mind off falling to my impeding doom. And boy, doesn't it top it off any more than being dropped into an endless void without a bungee cord. Suddenly, a radiant flash of light came past the corner of my eyes, and already curious, I looked down to see just what was up next. A vivid whirlpool of white light was gradually expanding before me, and I was wondering when I'd eventually be sucked up into it. But it didn't seem to be drawing closer any time soon. From within the white whirlpool, three shadowy, canine-like figures appeared before me while flakes of red, blue and yellow energy began to radiate off of them. They must be the legendary pokemon that for a lifetime, spoke much to me in my dreams. Most of their words were either about the future, Armageddon, or just loose-lipped crap I could barely interpret. Nor could I barely identify these three mysterious figures, since they always had to come as apparitions. ".Skye.Skye." ".Skye." "What!?" I asked aggressively,"Do you always have to address me an unnecessary amount of times!?" ".Skye." "Who are you guys?" I asked,"C'mon, tell me." ".Skye." "C'mon!" ".Skye." That topped it. "What the heck!" I shouted,"Let me out of here!" "Hero." the blue, feminine-voiced spirit soared over me,"Accept your quest!" "NOOOOOOO!!" I screamed. The yellow-framed shadow meandered for a minute, before warning,".We know where you LIVE!" ".NOOOOOOO!!" The light then burned with such an intensity that it strained my eyes even when I forced them as shut as they could get. How much I longed for it to end.  
  
Then; Slam, bam, thank you Indiglo, pokeball-themed alarm clock. 6 in the morning. Resisting my mom's calling, my friend screaming from outside, and the clock's buzzing itself, I slammed the alarm clock off it's stand, heard it go bam by my night table, and sarcastically thanked the god phoenix pokemon, Ho-oh, for making me bounce between wacky trances and the morning graveyard shift. Why? Why does it have to come to me every night? These nightmares have a meaning.they must.but what? So far, I've written down most of these memoirs in a small notebook that I keep under my bed. I then drearily looked over what I had collected so far in my dreams; the voices of my missing father and brother, and visions of events that as I know, were yet to come. Much of them involved villainous pokemon trainers from Hoenn who dressed in blue and red.a wicked man with a pure white creature that was driven mad by some alphabetical pokemon and plotted revenge against humanity.  
Visions of I displaying the powers of the phoenix.and his blood that ran in my veins.and an evil organization that desired to take it from me by all means; one terrorist organization that was brought to justice twice, but my senses told me that it was on the rise again, and this time possessing an even greater power.  
What was it called again? Team.Roc.nah. That was my best interpretations of these phrases coming from an anonymous source. These visions have caressed my unconsciousness for my entire life, like a movie full of meaningless hiatuses. And I have been trying to pause this movie to find out it's meaning. But it's like I'm strapped down to my seat and my eyes are being peeled open to view these befuddling scenes.  
I will find their meaning. And even to the day I die, I will not breathe my last until I know what I am being presented before.  
  
"SKYYYYYE!" my mom shouted up to me with an un-needed sweet voice,"Time to wake up for school!" "Hey, SKYE!" my friend Dan screamed from the driveway below, adding to the fun,"SKYE!" "Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!" I complained, leaning on a couple of pokemon training and HubaStinky (One of me and Dan's favorite bands.) posters, while hobbling over to the window. There was Dan, barely visible in the pale morning light. Again, he donned his trusty red hoodie with the pokeball crest where his neck was. As my best friend shot his gaze up at me, his hood fell down to his shoulders, exposing his spiky mahogany hair. "Skye!" Both sighing and yawning wearily at the same time, I asked,"What do you want, Dan?" Suddenly, he hurled a plastic, 20-oz bottle up in my direction. The bottle brushed past my shoulder and landed right on my fresh blue carpet, dripping of a yellow fluid. "Skye-punzel, Skye-punzel, throw down your hair!" Dan snickered at my long platinum hair, which was un-conditioned and messy, draping random sections of my face. ".Actually, Dan," I restated, combing my long hair back,"I was expecting a more practical response for the ruckus you're making.and you better pray to god whatever that yellow fluid is draining onto my carpet won't leave an indelible stain." "Why?" "Because it's coming out of your paycheck." ".Honey, get ready for SCHOOL!" ".Ma! Hold on!" I shouted back, then looking down at my friend,"Then what are you so excited about?" "Dude, look!" Dan signaled from the floor below, but I didn't get what he was trying to insinuate me to do,"The bottle, man!" Recovering the yellow plastic bottle off my carpet, I stuck a big toe into the penny-sized drip while I turned back to the window,".This?" "Last night.!" Dan leapt up and down,"Dude, they came out with Yellow Popsi!"  
Sighing with excessive annoyance, I worded,".Yellow?"  
"Yeah!" Dan grinned,"Yeah, man. They launched the delivery a couple days ago, and they were expected to arrive at our Poke Mart at 12:01 A.M sharp. I waited there at the front door for hours, Skye! You wouldn't believe it!"  
".How was it.?" I stared blankly back at him.  
"Skye, I was wishing you were there with me to see it!" Dan still expended such energy for the crack of dawn,"Man, you didn't know how pumped I was to pop the top off that satisfying, refreshing new beverage, to indulge upon it's lemony brokenness."  
".And to savor a long, long, LONG relieving visit to the bathroom," I laughed,"From the volume of how much cherry pop you consume a day, my friend, you'd leak like a Rapidash who just ran circles around Sydney."  
".Gee, I'd wonder what that would feel like?" Dan asked stupidly.  
"Like puking outside a Dublin bar on the sidewalk," I grinned, stretching by back and turning away,"But speaking of bathroom, I have to take a shower. I'll see you downstairs."  
But as I turned to look down at the driveway, Dan already split towards my back door.  
".OR maybe not."  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
"Good morning, Skye!" Mom opened her arms as I descended the stairs, preparing for an embrace with the caliber of a polar bear.  
"AAAAHGH!" I choked, gasping for breath. When she released me, there was Dan, casually sitting at the dining room table with a heap of pancakes before him.  
"Hee hee, isn't that touchin'?" Dan snickered,"When you come down with a fever, does she bring you Chunky Soup?"  
"Oh, you shut up," I replied in jest.  
"I made pancakes for you, honey," my mom showed me to the table with my own stack of the cakes,"I'm also leaving you your lunch money on the counter here for school."  
"Hey, Dan!" I tried to be a benevolent host by going over to the fridge,"What do you want to drink with those pancakes?"  
"Get me some yellow Popsi!"  
".Hm, we haven't gone shopping recently.say, you can either have water or this random bottle of mango-flavored B-12 women's formula that's sitting neglected back here. Take your pick."  
"I'll.take water," Dan shrugged, indulging himself. Syrup and crumbs were soon adorning his lips.  
"Sheesh," I laughed,"You eat with the etiquette of an Ursaring."  
"Do I?" Dan laughed,"Who's the one dripping syrup onto his primo PikaForce T-shirt? It's sure not me."  
"Ah!" I laughed, pointing at Dan,"You Sneasel!"  
While we were laughing, my mom drew closer to listen on us while we ate.  
"Did you do your Latin homework?" Dan grinned,"Damn, that Catellus. He's tough.and weird."  
"You could read his work like a stoned Slowpoke. Couldn't understand one damn thing he's trying to explain."  
Laughing again, my mom closed in and warned,"Watch your language, Skye."  
"You mean, stoned?"  
"No, Damn. Damn is a very naughty swear in this household," my mom flicked my shoulder with her index finger.  
"No it isn't," I grinned, realizing that Dan was now chuckling at me,"What are you laughing at?"  
"You can't say."  
"Damn?" I asked.  
"SKYE!" mom cursed. Dan resumed his laughing, exposing the chewed up food lying on his tongue.  
"You keep your damn.I take that back, mom.your mouth shut, you," I warned,"And what's so wrong about damn??"  
"Damn is very filthy.well, back then it was," my mom stared off,".But it still is now!"  
"Mom, you read the Bible," I supported my thesis,"God says he damns bad things. Say, he does damn those Egyptians, ten times. And he damned two cities. And damned cheating. And say, doesn't he damn people to Hades?"  
Both my mom and Dan stared back at me with disbelief. Dan's mouth though was all the way open, and the chewed up pancake/ orange juice mixture tumbled out of his mouth and onto his plate.  
"Oh yeah, he does damn those Babylonians."  
Mom appeared to be gradually enraged with my comments, starting to tremble with anger. I knew I had gone too far, but the last words tumbled out of my mouth.  
".Doesn't he?"  
"Skye, that's a week added." My mom solemnly added.  
"A week of what? School? You didn't call the Board of Ed, did you?"  
"No. That's the added delay time for your Pokemon Training License."  
".WHAT!?"  
"You heard me!" my mom answered,"That's for bad language in the Grendhert household."  
Now, that wasn't good to hear. For a long time, I always wanted to be a pokemon trainer, so I had been cajoling my mother into getting it for me. But unfortunately, she delayed it.for months. Maybe a year.  
"But mom.my grades are literally over the B minus range!" I protested,"I've been working so diligently on each and every homework assignment.been getting each one in on time."  
"Damn!" Dan gasped, receiving a glare from my mother.  
".They better be, my son," my mother answered.  
"I'm sure they are," I tried to be honest "I mean over the A+ range." I grew annoyed,"You don't know what it feels like, mom. Everyone in my school has a job, an allowance, and a pokemon training license.you don't know how much I'm left out from everyone.It's like.like."  
"What, Skye?" my mom asked.  
"Like J.D Salinger?" Dan came in.randomly,"That guy could use a girl."  
"NO!.It's like.I'm not even.existing!" I sighed,"Everyone is asking to challenge me to a pokemon duel and.you know how hard it is to degrade yourself and say no?"  
"Well, my son, "my mom answered,"I never became a trainer myself. Other than some of the little kids who like and appreciate pokemon as pets, those people who become battlers evolve from sweethearts into rugged, dirty- mouthed gangsters who'll spell disaster for a civilized culture! They'll bring doom and bad influence to kids like you! They're the cause of all of our human problems! Think of our CHILDREN!"  
"What?" nobody could explain the confusion I was going through right now.  
"I've met some of their parents before in Open House," my mom blabbered on,"They drive their moms and dads crazy! Don't you understand, Skye!? They come home at unreasonable hours! Some even don't return for almost a year! They give up their scholarships just to pursue some dirty pokemon fights and some crappy plastic chips."  
"Gym badges?" I asked,"It doesn't work that way at all, mom. Not all of it."  
"Unless you're from downtown Briddan," Dan smiled.  
"Yeah, I know," I answered,"True ghetto-ness."  
".And when have you heard of anyone becoming a so-called Pokemon Champion? Sheesh, my son, you can't be spoiling your youth trying to achieve such a pointless status."  
"Unless you plan on being filthy damn rich!" Dan leapt up from his chair,"Oops."  
".Dan."  
".Our children are in danger!" my mom went on,"If you are doing this, my son."  
"Mom."  
".If you are blowing your GPA on some stupid tournament like the rest of them are, I swear, my son, you'll never see a cute, cuddly Snorunt in your arms for a long, long time!"  
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" I shouted, upset that I'd never see my favorite pokemon for a long time,"Well, mom. You're assuming things about the Pokemon League that aren't entirely true. Not every one of them are gangsters. They're not all dirty mouthed and rugged. And not all of them WANT to be pokemon masters."  
".Unless you live in Briddan."  
"That's kinda true, Dan," I grinned.  
".But." my mom thought fast to come up with an excuse to prevent me from becoming a pokemon trainer,".My son, why don't you consider joining an after school club?"  
I signified choking myself with Dan.  
"Don't do that when I'm talking to you, my son!" my mom lightly nudged my shoulder,"How about running for Student Council?"  
"That's for jocks."  
"My son, how about the school newspaper?"  
"Um.nah. That's for jocks who like to flatter people with articles about themselves. I'll pass."  
".The yearbook club?"  
".That's for jocks who like to take stupid pictures of cheerleaders and themselves after a long hangover. They eventually come to be known as Abercrombie and Fitch photographers."  
".OR." my mom poked my shoulders,"You're a handsome, athletic young man. You should join a sport like basketball."  
"I hate shorts."  
"Football?"  
"I can't stand it; all the players are loony, yowling jackals and their locker rooms smell like a Chucky Cheese's playscape that hasn't been cleaned recently. No thanks."  
".Really?" Dan came in,"I play football.C'mon, Skye, aren't ya gonna join?"  
".Um.no."  
"Skye, the locker rooms ain't that bad. Now, c'mon, be a man.reconsider."  
"Um.no."  
Suddenly, Dan got up onto his feet and began to state,"And, another thing, man. It's like the jocks, man, they keep everything in line, man. It's the balance of gravity.without em, the burnouts would overrun the system. It's like survival of the fittest, without the Galapagos and all that Darwin crap, and it's like you know, freedom's knockin' on your door and when freedom's got you down, you gotta say,'Hey now, I gotta get up,' and you be just like, hey a bowl of peaches, man, because man, those other sports, they're for.for."  
"Muckety mucks?" I asked.  
".YEAH!" Dan continued,"You know, life's like a box of freakin' Frispy Frosting doughnuts; they're usually all the same thing! So, you gotta join the army.  
"Dan.we were talking about after school activities."  
"Oh.oops." (sweat drop.)  
"How about squash?" Mom went on.  
"That's pure suicide spelled on a racquet."  
Finally, my mom went all out,"My son, how about Tennis, Hockey or the Ski Team? The Drill Club? Doesn't anything grab your attention?"  
"To sum it all up, mom," I took a deep breath and looked back at my friend,"Tennis is played by muckety-muck rich, old people looking for the chance to make themselves look pretty. People throwing each other into the walls are the only thing that keeps me up during hockey's lagging overtimes.don't you remember the Elmwood VS. Briddan game that lasted for 11 periods?"  
"Yeah, man," Dan grinned,"Your pussy town lost by a point."  
Ignoring him, I continued,"We were up ALL night. It was worse than the overtime played in 1936 when the Montreal Maroons went at the Red Wings."  
My mom was stunned by my rapid fire words. ".Actually, Dan," I sighed,"To correct you.We won."  
".Oh.damn."  
"And the Ski Team." I continued,"It's great and all that you get free trips to Blackthorn City and the Shoal Islands and stuff, but shamefully, I don't know how to ski.and the Drill Club; Mom, I'm not a girl with big, bouncy."  
".PEACHES!!" Dan obliviously shouted, reaching for our fruit bowl. ".Incredible, my son," my mom marveled, interrupting me again,"I forgot how much of an adept comedian you were! I could sign you up for this nest year's school play."  
"No thanks, mom. It's not like I love school or anything.and mom."  
"Yes, my son?"  
"I have a name."  
"Oops," my mom giggled,"Sorry, Skye. I used to do that with your father."  
"You don't love school!?" Dan randomly broke out of his trance,"Skye, what time is it!?"  
"." I got up with Dan and stared blankly at the digital clock on our oven, immediately becoming frantic,"It's.15 to eight!? We're fifteen minutes late for school!"  
"Oh man!" Dan shouted,"Mr. Shokman's gonna kill us!"  
"Hurry up, Dan!" I shouted,"We gotta run to school!"  
"Bye, Skye!" my mom planted a kiss onto both my cheeks, handing me my two dollars for lunch,"Have a good day."  
"Yeah, mom, you too!" I replied as the both of us split out the door like if we were heading to the opening night of The Two Towers. But just as we were halfway by the driveway, my mom screamed,"Skye, your backpack.!"  
  
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"You don't believe what tripped-out dream I came up with last night, Dan."  
"What, did you wet your sheets?" Dan asked.  
".NO!" I shouted,"Don't you ever listen! Those three legendary pokemon came out of nowhere and started speaking about all this journey crap and stuff.it was weird. It was like the opening of some Legend of Zelda game." Dan was still looking at me in a strange way, trying to get more details out of my words.  
"I think it means something. What do you think?"  
"Well," Dan joked,"It could mean a month's dose of Prozac."  
I sighed wearily, shouldering my heavy backpack,"Dan. This journey these strange visions are bringing me must be connected to my PTL, Pokemon Training License. Think about it; accept our quest. They really never spoke to me in detail until my PTL actually came to mind."  
"You're hyped up, that's all," Dan grinned, raising my moral,"Cuz' in no time, you and I'll be singing poke raps like the rest of em! We'll be free to go wherever we want! We can eat Frispy Frosting doughnuts and drink cherry soda until our pancreas cave in!"  
"And best of all." I grinned,"Kick some ass with our spiffy pokemon!"  
"Shibby!" both of us did our secret handshake; a straight forward fist pound with the knuckles, then one fist pound over the other. Then, we would swing a playful hook towards our faces, which actually goes wrong sometimes.  
"Ow." both of us held our foreheads, withstanding a newly forming black and blue.  
"Well." Dan sighed,"I'd take back the whole poke-rap thing.but at least you can look forward to a new pokemon, that's all."  
Whoa, hang on. By now, you're probably asking just who Dan is. And yeah, I could; it's a long way to Elmwood Academy High School and I have a lot of time to waste. Dan Ultunno, or just shortened Dan, I can just call my best bud. He hails from Elmwood's sister town, Briddan, a crappy, industrial town filled with do-rag toting residents and a Board of Ed that hogs all of the money, neglecting to use it to upgrade the town's cruddy status. But Dan loves Briddan with a passion, and I'm not much different about quaint, suburbia Elmwood, where nothing seems to happen. But with two great towns so close to each other, we've been friends for almost a lifetime, friends together since Miss Grendhert and Ultunno linked up in High School and found their matches. From then on, we stuck to each other, and in a result, you'll rarely ever see me without trusty Dan by my side.vice versa.  
(If you were wondering why Dan goes to a Elmwood school, it's because his neighborhood borderlines with my town.)  
But actually, Dan is one hell of a troublemaker. His dad seems to forget the meaning of limits, well, limits to Dan's ever-growing collection and interest in fireworks and fire pokemon (You should check out his backpack.you'll learn.eventually.) He even got so interested, in fact, that he is actually planning on his first bottle-rocket launching weapon, Chunky Monkey. That boy is fascinated by all sorts of weapons and devices that he even tinkers away in his basement workshop, coming up with all sorts of inventions ranging from a Kingler Cigar slicer to a mechanical Machamp that he hopes to take Tony's house out with, which an predicts will sport a lot of so-called destructive weapons.  
Tony? Well, I'll explain later. (I guess I REALLY have to get to school.) Anyway, after our short conversation, we took a deep breath and broke into a run, rounding the corner of my lengthily street. We didn't take a school bus: we couldn't stand it and we lived too close to our school to actually care anyhow. Plus, there was another reason we had to walk, and the bus wouldn't stop for it in the first place.  
"Dude!" Dan pulled me over and showed me our next destination.  
There it was: the Poke Mart. All of the pokemon goods, junk food, swimsuit magazines and lottery tickets all coalesced and located conveniently under the roof of a purely rectangular building owned by a Hindu cashier. This enormous chain of convenient stores lies scattered all over the continents of Navia, and the mainland Ceiceiel with it's own shares. Whether it's a quick bag of Sun Flora Flora potato chips for low- priced after school action or a sneaky Pika Pie for those boring Trigonometry periods that never seem to end, Poke Marts are just golden, and they seem to be there just when you need em'. You must think we're crazy, since convenience stores are just convenience stores, but to a burnout pair of friends like me and Dan, you don't know how much we revere them.  
"Cooooool," Dan trailed off.  
"Let's get some munchies," I grinned,"The ones at school are overpriced, anyways."  
Pika, Pika. That greeting we all knew and loved so well; the tacky, electronic noise of the Pikachu-themed motion sensor located by the door. The both of us congregated into the back, where we marveled at all of the pokemon training merchandise.  
"Sweet," I picked up a dozen case, filled with pokemon capturing balls,"When we get our PTL's, we're gonna be cycling through these rather quickly."  
".Wow!" Dan handled a couple bottles of pokemon restoration potions,"Cool Gatorade! I wanna get some of this stuff!"  
"Calm down, Dan," I taunted back,"Have you ever sipped that stuff before? Tastes like a bar of soap from the locker rooms. Plus, I don't have that much money."  
"Yeah you do!" Dan complained.  
"No, I don't."  
"Yeah!" Dan kicked my pocket,"Yeah you do!"  
"No I.oh, fine." I filed one finger through my wallet; thirty-six dollars, all in singles.  
"You STILL make money that way?" Dan snickered.  
"Accumulating all of my mom's lunch money up to now?" I asked,"Yup."  
"Ha ha ha!!" Dan chuckled out loud, making someone by the coffee machines spill their mug on himself,"Skye! You definitely need a job."  
"Why, huh?" I asked,"The hours are pretty demanding.and doing the same repetitive thing over and over can really get on your nerves.have you even met any managers these days?"  
".I guess. But at least you're fed."  
"Corruption at an early age, I tell you," I stated,"Well, we better hurry and stock up on goodies; there's no use groveling at something I won't be using."  
As we headed over to the cash, Dan tried to cheer me up,"Aw, Skye. We only have a week of school before we're out.for good!"  
"Yeah, I guess until the next year starts."  
When we arrived at the counter, we slammed down some accumulated snacks, where the cashier, Sabu, prepared to ring up our purchases.  
"Hello, Skye and Dan!" Sabu answered in his usual Indian accent.  
"Hey, Sabu," both of us answered at the same time.  
"How are things for you two this morning?"  
"Ok," both of us simultaneously replied.  
"Why do you say, OK?" Sabu asked, turning away and talking to himself,"Ok about being a half hour late to school? I see much negligence in these two.well, what brings you here?"  
"I can't explain." I sighed.  
".We'll be quick," Dan answered.  
"Fine, I'll just have to see what you got." Sabu pulled each of our items closer,"The usual.three packages of Jiggly Puff Puffs.two strawberry Pika Pies, my favorite."  
Dan added to the load, bringing over more items.  
"Dan, I don't have that much cash."  
".Four Voltorb chocolate balls." Sabu continued to ring up,".A bottle of mocha Hoot Hoot.four packages of Sun Flora Flora potato chips."  
"Aww, Skye!" Dan laughed,"What else are you gonna buy with that money, anyway?"  
"Well, I'm convinced that if I save up, I know that something sudden and magical will happen."  
"Don't be a penny loafer, Skye!" Dan cajoled,"You're a long way from a car by two ears and a couple grand, my friend."  
".Yeah, I lost my patience." I answered,"Dan.did you forget the cherry pop?"  
"Oh yeah!" Dan ran back and returned with a 12-pack of our savored soda, plus a trial 12-ounce of Yellow Popsi for me to try.  
"Cool!" ".Oh, this is going up," Sabu began bagging,".Three Mew Pops.satisfying.four CleFluffy cheesecakes.(Dan flinches for some reason.).a package of Cyndaquil Poppers.oh, spicy! And the usual.are you sure you don't mind being late to school?" "Well, we already ARE late.carpe diem." "Seize the day." Dan translated, dragging his sentence,".In Latin." Sabu ignored a response to my comment,".Smart guy you are, Skye. Is that it for your purchases?" "I almost forgot!" both me and Dan replied at the same time,"Two Extra Large Squirtle Slurpees." "Yeah, the Super Big Gulps." Dan pointed out. "And that.and that.sums it all up to." Sabu flinched when he saw the final outcome of all of our treats, after hearing the ring from his cash register,".Thirty four, sixty five is your sub total." "Holy crap," I gasped. "At least they're our usual ever-addictive choices," Dan added,"It's chow time!" "Careful, you two!" Sabu preached,"The food you are about to endlessly consume contains much saturated fats and needless carbohydrates! That could lead to intense obesity and ever painful cramps and sores!" "But, Sabu." Dan sighed,"You work a Poke Mart." "What are you saying?" Sabu asked, interrupted. "Convenience store owners are supposed to support diets like that in order to retain their businesses.you gotta be a little more competitive, Sabu; be glad that people are indulging heavily upon your Pokemon themed fatty snacks." "Because you're the one benefiting!" I added as we finally exited the Poke Mart doors with our bundle,"See ya around, Sabu." "Good point. Maybe as soon as school ends, knowing you two," Sabu closed our interaction even when the door closed,"Thank you, come again!" On the way out, I was gripping the bottle of Yellow Popsi, viewing it's contents. "Let's see what's in this stuff." I became intrigued,".That you're so hyped up about." ".Like you can look under the cap and bet another one for free!" Dan grinned. "Not that," I viewed the ingredients,"Carbonated water.High Fructose.Corn Syrup." "That's in everything," both of us added in unison. I continued,"Sodium Benzoate.Erythoric acid.a bunch of creepy looking chemicals I cannot even comprehend to pronounce.of course, the natural and artificial flavors and.yikes." "Dude?" "Yellow 5; 99.9 percent," I gasped,"Shame what effect it could have on your sex drive.sad." I leapt over a crack in the sidewalk, though Dan didn't catch sight on it and tripped, so I helped him up. ".Or so it's rumored." "Actually," Dan sighed,"Depleted under-the-covers action with the chicks or not, both of us could win some pretty serious pokemon-training cash!" "Are you serious?" I asked. ".That could help," Dan went on,"OR possibly.free Hubastinky tickets!" "Hmm," I predicted,"Based on the odds, That kind of opportunity would be much less likely to happen than people actually believing that a spider was the cause of Michael Jackson's imprisonment." "I guess so.but it's still worth endless amounts of devoted pocket change!"  
  
"Thanks to Sabu." "Sabu can work wonders for our mornings." "By supporting us with his ever prolific stock of junk food!" I replied,"I'm surprised we're actually keeping our physical education fitness scores with the kind of diet we eat.Gee, I must have one maniacal metabolism." "But your money." Dan poked at my now dusty wallet, which was accidentally lodging itself free from my pockets,"That had to hurt, real bad."  
  
".Well, it works. It's another couple weeks of hogging lunch money, but it works, almost too well."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
ROMAN BATTLE TACTICS  
  
"Salve," Mr. Shoksman greeted his tedious, first period class,"Today in Latin, we'll be learning about Roman battle tactics, used around early 795 B.C. You may have seen much of them in movies like Gladiator during Russel Crowe's glory days.but Hollywood portrays such things as mere entertainment, and those days were often a little more abstract than they were truly reenacted back then. Does anyone have any ideas of what a true aspect of a Roman battle strategy?  
One of the students from Briddan stood up with his hand raised. Before he made his statement, he made a common tongue sound before saying,"(Click.) Dey put dat face paint on n' charge into duh fray?"  
From there, the whole class was roaring with laughter.  
".Close, Jamal," Mr. Shoksman answered,"But not really. That was going on in Scotland with Braveheart. This is about Roman soldiers, not Kevin Cosner.Now."  
The class was immediately interrupted as both me and Dan brusquely trudged into class, each of us carrying an almost evenly distributed plastic bag of junk food and a massive, keg-like slushee cup under our armpits.  
"Salve, Mr. Shoksman!" I cheerfully replied, even though it wasn't the right mood to be in thinking of the time,"You missed us, huh?"  
"Salve!" Dan lugged his backpack and snacks over to his desk next to a curly-haired student named Tackus. Meanwhile, I stepped forwards to greet the angry-faced Latin teacher.  
"Salve and vale." Mr. Shoksman rubbed his sweat-covered brow.  
"Whatcha sayin' goodbye for?" I grinned.  
Reverberating in the background was a suckling sound coming from the slushee cup that Dan was sipping uncontrollably through an oversized straw.  
"Lemme get some of dat Squirtle Slurpee," a classmate asked.  
"Get your own," Dan taunted slowly turning his head back to engage himself upon his drink again.  
".Skye, is that a hall pass?" Mr.Shoksman pointed to the slip of paper that was barely hanging on between my fingers.  
"No, that's a note from my mom!" I shrugged off the burden from the snack bag that was hanging off the same arm,"Read it, translate it, something."  
Mr. Shoksman peered me right in the eye with a stern look as if to challenge my credibility, then slowly unrolled the paper. Then, he began to read the note out loud.  
"Dear Mr. Shok guy.?"  
"Huh?" I thought (I wasn't the one who wrote the letter.)  
".Please excuse my son Ski Grid dirt for being late and stuff," Mr. Shoksman let off a suspicious giggle,"He had a severe case of the bubonic plague, broke out like a dirty Germanic barbarian and had to take an antibiotic with side effects that gave him a persistent, unneeded tingling of the Celtic sword and an unexpected addiction to flogging himself in the forehead with a Bible. That disabled his ability to go to school.so I."  
I turned back to Dan, and angrily made threatening gestures while Mr. Shoksman was reading the letter very diligently. Dan put his hands up in surrender like he wanted me to show mercy.  
".Force-feed my son flea-proof, wheat germ through a funneled lance.?" Mr. Shoksman hurled the letter to the desk,"Who wrote this letter, Skye? Is this a sign of forgery?"  
".Um.no?" a shiver-like chuckle ran through the entire class, who was eavesdropping upon our conversation.  
"This is the fourth letter I've gotten this month, Skye! First time, it was wild pokemon rabies. Then, it was homework-induced seizures.and the third time, it was a combination of both.plus scabies. And now, it's the bubonic plague, and your mother can't even spell your name right.is she illiterate or something? Do I have to ask you what you are trying to tell me in this letter?"  
"Want me to translate?" I nervously gasped, attaching a corny, robotic voice,"Dear Mr. Shoksman, make it Ok for Skye Grendhert to be in class late. Heavens to Ho-oh don't give Skye Grendhert a Saturday detention. Thanks, signed Marcy Grendhert."  
Coping with an off-the-wall classroom, Mr. Shoksman appeared to be at the pique of his annoyance,".Normally, I'd deal with this in a level one disciplinary manner, but because you have brought in a note with a.slightly correct signature, I'd just have to claim this as an unexcused tardy."  
"Unexcused? But I."  
"Skye, you forgot to visit the main office and verify your presence." Mr. Shoksman explained,"But since you had the note, it's unexcused.It could've been worse! Now, to your seat."  
Pushing my way down the aisle of desks (and avoiding the foot of a kid who tried to trip me on the way there.) I finally made it to my seat, which was placed right convieniently near Dan's. I immediately greeted my friend with a clutch around his throat.  
"Huh huh," Dan giggled,"Mr. Shokman called you a tard."  
But I replied with no less than a given-away insinuation of annoyance.  
"Skye! What's with the bully look?"  
"Hey, Dan!" I grumbled,"Considering the mood I'm in, I could rip you to pieces right now.but you obviously ARE lucky because the school code forbids that. Though maybe I won't make it your job to write my late notes anymore."  
"Aww, c'mon Skye," Dan urged,"Gimme a chance.Why? You don't like my notes?" Both of us looked up, trying to listen for our new Sententiae, Latin words of wisdom that we were often quizzed on. Other than that, it was a long, pointless period of trailing off. ".My notes aren't cool anymore?"  
"Because of your stupid notes I probably won't have a cool Pokemon license, that's why. And when that's on the line because you stated that I was infected with a sickness that doesn't even exist anymore or something bogus like that, you know how desperate I am."  
"Desperate?"  
"Yeah," I shook my head, letting the air drift out, sticking up my fingers,"I was supposed to get one THREE years ago. You count, three."  
"Skye, that's two," Dan corrected me.  
"That's because my other three are trying to support this candy bag I'm constantly investing into," I let my arm rest,"Dan, you get the idea. I hope you learned something.I want my pokemon license, and I'm sure you do too. I don't like being in this loser state forever."  
Mr. Shoksman interrupted his lesson just to quiet us down, or so we thought. He had heard every exact concluding word that I mentioned.  
"Pokemon?" Mr. Shoksman slowly approached us,"Pokemon, you're talking about? Well, well, Mr. Grendhert and Mr. Ultunno, you could learn a bit of a lesson I have to offer."  
Both of us were stunned with our mouths shut as the teacher continued.  
"These two boys here are the epitome of a person's hubris, or unstoppable pride which often leads to the downfall of that person. This is often seen in Greek writing, where tragic heroes like Odysseus fall to their own ambition and pride in the form of a tragic crescendo, and face their own consequences.in that case, I'll see you both after class."  
As on cue, the Pokeball-shaped bell that signified the end of the period rung in our ears.  
"Well, that's it," Mr. Shoksman concluded,"Another class end without any progression through the lesson book whatsoever due to a number of DISTRACTIONS.!"  
"Hooray!" the entire class cheered as they flooded out the door with their backpacks, while Mr. Shoksman leered at us.  
"Don't forget, class," Mr. Shoksman called out to rushing ears,"Homework, tonight.Catellus reading, Carmen 3 on pages 20-144, questions 1-40, lines 11-88 on each one.Skye, Dan, come here."  
Both of us stepped forwards, with mirrored expressions; I sulked with my head down while Dan giggled through his teeth and emitted a fake, toothy smile.  
"I don't want to hear anymore talk of this Pokemon license." Mr. Shoksman smacked our chests with a heavy finger,"As for you two, I'll be calling your parents tonight."  
"Crap," I sighed.  
".You may go," Mr. Shoksman ushered us away,"And."  
While we were leaving, both of us replied,"Yeah?"  
"You better be ready for the upcoming final exams."  
  
"Thanks for embarrassing me, dip-weed," I complained,"Mom's gonna be pissed when she hears from a.k.a Russell Crowe."  
"You're welcome!" Dan grinned,"As for my mom, she probably won't care. But before he calls I'd have cut the line anyway."  
"WHEEH!!" we heard a familiar, throaty noise from the other end of the ever-populated hallway.  
"It's Dylan!" I shouted as both me and Dan flocked over to a group of six black hoodie wearing kids that all of us knew so well. Dylan is another friend that I know in school, who just became a freshman. Brown haired, energetic, and always ready to sling a D-20, Dylan and his friends are greatly emerged into role-playing epics. Accompanying him was Tyler and Kevin, two boys that Dan was more friends with, ever obsessed with Duskulls and Shuppets and into creating practical jokes and recording their progress and people's reactions. And to add to the wild bunch was Dylan's ever-whining girlfriend, Jill, who seemed to be more of a liability than an asset to Dylan, who always persistently wanted to be with him. A red-faced, football player and heavyweight wrestling kid named Jeff accompanied Dylan most of the time. And finally, a horizontally- challenged, enormous boy with buzzed hair named Scott Burg, who we all dub as, A.K.A.Burger.  
  
Greeting the clique in our usual way (With the secret pound.) Dylan asked me,"What's eatin' you today, Skye?" "Why don't you ask him?" I replied,"Other than that, I think I'm cool." Dan explained his poor effort to keep me in class to the entire group. "Whew.ownage," Jeff replied,"Skye must've not liked that one so much." "Hey," I grinned,"What's up, Burger?"  
Scott lowered his massive fist to connect with mine. With that, he commented in a barely audible, low voice,"Hey.cool." "Where's that fly license of yours?" Jill asked me in a snobbish way,"Mommy keeping it away again?" "Dude, lighten up Jill," Dylan shrugged, then whispered into my ear,"Stalker." Meanwhile, Dan was talking to Kevin and Tyler. "You won't believe it!" Tyler got excited,"We got the fourteenth DKY video! It's the best, Dan! You gotta see it!" "Really?" Dan asked. "And you know what Bam Margera does this time?" Kevin added,"He jumps off the 50th floor of the Silph Co. building, dressed only in a pair of bunny underpants, holding a basket of eggs!" "It's AWESOME!"  
"What about a guy jumping off a building?" I asked,"That stuff is fake. He had to have a parachute."  
"I think he did." Tyler answered,"Then the clip cut to the DKY people tripping in the middle of some random pokemon battles."  
"It was AWESOME!" Kevin amplified.  
"You got the homework for Mr. Mido's?" I asked,"Huh Dylan?"  
"I don't think so," Dylan answered,"Just an excess flow of handouts telling us not to do it and so on. I think that's it. But really, what's going on?"  
"Ah," I sighed,"Mr. Shoksman is gonna call my mom today about some class incident. That could cost me my PTL, seriously."  
"Dude, that sucks," Jeff answered.  
"Really?" Tyler and Kevin came in.  
"Yeah."  
"We could photocopy some tickets for the next DKY concert," Tyler tried to cheer me up,"You can come along and see what'll happen!"  
"."  
"You can be the cameraman."  
"OK, I'll think about it."  
"I don't want to be late!" Jill complained,"Hurry up, Dylan! C'mon."  
"Alright, alright!" Dylan sighed.  
"Gotta go," Burger added.  
With that, all of our friends but Tyler and Kevin remained with us.  
"Anyway," Kevin asked,"You gotta hear what we did yesterday."  
"Fire away."  
"Kevin recorded one of those buckets driven by Team Aqua coming up our turf in Briddan," Tyler explained, trying to hold back his laughter,"And I."  
"Team Aqua, those Pokemon Gangsters in town?" I asked,"Don't tell me."  
"Tyler just runs up and NAILS.!!" Kevin laughed with his friend,".Nails the side window with a ball of Snubbull crap this big, man, this big, and makes off with both of their drivers chasing him down the street.!"  
".They got tired as far as the industrial sector," Tyler continued,"I hid somewhere while they got back in the car and turned down the corner to Brook Street.man, it was AWESOME, man."  
"Truly."  
"What a lunatic," I giggled,"You're lucky to have that DKY running speed.Team Aqua people will shoot you someday, you know."  
"But who cares?" Tyler answered,"I got off with the whole stunt.And I guarantee they didn't see what I looked liked either."  
"Yeah, man, it was awesome."  
The late bell went off, and immediately, I closed the conversation,"Well, we gotta get to Mr. Mito's Heath class now. Sorry."  
"Ah, he won't care," Tyler grinned.  
"Well, that's if we wan our PTL's anytime soon," Dan spoke up,"Skye's kinda pissed at me, so I don't want to take any chances."  
"Kinda?" I sighed.  
While we ran off for class trying to dodge the many people filling the hallways, Kevin shouted,"If you don't get that PTL, we'll get one for you!"  
"Yeah!" Tyler answered,"We'll get you a PTL! We'll photocopy it for you!"  
"OR you both can just meet us at the Poke Mart after school.ah, forget it."  
"It'll be awesome, Kevin!"  
"They're already gone, dude."  
  
Both of us burst through the doors of our heath class, located in the darkest corner of the school, ad rushed to our seats just in time as Mr. Mito wearily turned to face the class, concealing a whiskey bottle under his desk.  
Mr. Mito, unlike the white-bearded Mr. Shoksman, was a tall, muscular man with large shoulders, a defined build and a small, shiny bald head. He wore only a tank top and torn blue jeans, and his arms were tattooed with the designs of some fierce pokemon's. There was even a prisoner identification number imprinted upon his shoulder.  
"Think Vin Diesel," Dan laughed to me.  
"Sup, class," Mr. Mito growled,"Ready to learn good things?"  
All of us sat in our chairs, trembling and terrified of our unpredictable teacher's next move. While he paced back and forth, an unruly student immaturely squeaked out,"You're not even a real teacher, Mr. Mito!" with a quick glare, the student withdrew back into his chair.  
"Um." he spaced out, not moving his eyes,".Don't do drugs."  
"Ok," the whole class replied.  
"Skye, the guy really isn't a real teacher," Dan laughed.  
Mr. Mito raised one hand, which had a broken handcuff on it,"I'm on parole."  
".Ok."  
".Um." Mr. Mito wrote on the board a brief schedule of what we were to expect in the next couple of days. The expression he gave us wasn't one of much enthusiasm.  
6/13 Gangs Movie  
  
6/18 Health Test  
  
6/21 Poke Progress Due  
  
"Poke Progress!?" the whole class gasped.  
"Yeah," Mr. Mito hurled the marker through the window, shattering a pane and breaking the class out of their trance. Looking at the amount of holes in the window itself, you could tell that this behavior was common. ".It's due today."  
"No it's not!" Dan called out,"On the 21st."  
".Today?"  
"Yeah!"  
".You're con-foosing me," Mr. Mito slapped the blackboard,"So shut up, ALL of you."  
"But." a student yelped.  
"You heard me! Get lost!"  
".Fine!" the student picked up his books, shoved them into his backpack and stomped out of the classroom, while mumbling,".You stupid inmate!"  
Once the door slammed shut, all laughter and giggling ceased as Mr. Mito gripped his scalp tightly while proceeding to his desk again to take a swig of whiskey, then continued with his lesson.  
".Poke Progress." he grumbled,"I swear I gave it to all of you three months ago. Right?"  
"No!" the class blared.  
"When did Mr. Clean give any projects, or care about pokemon!?" another random student mumbled.  
"Shut up, you little grease ball!" Mr. Mito declared,"If I never gave you all this project.grr.I'll just have to give it out again!"  
The class watched anxiously as the teacher ripped out a massive cardboard box with the logo of the Elmwood Academy High School on it, and sliced it open with a bowie knife he had in his pocket in mere record time. The contents were a strange white computer, many wires, and at least thirty yellow Pichu dolls.  
"Damn!" I shouted.  
"I'm the one that's supposed to say damn around here.um.uhh." Mr. Mito scratched his head trying to think of my name,"Uh."  
".Skye."  
"Yeah, Squat, Skrit, Skat, whatever. I don't care about names," Mr. Mito held up one of the Pichu dolls for all of us to see. MY most wanted pokemon Pichu was a pale, yellow mouse-like pokemon, with huge, floppy diamond-shaped ears with an adorable hue of black on the tips of them. The doll stared back at the whole class with huge, marble-like eyes that showed ever so cutely from it's oval-shaped head. We were also greeted by the Pichu doll's over-exaggerated grin.  
"Don't tell me that's the."  
"Oh, man."  
While the class marveled, one kid called out,"Dude, who said he could bring a machete to school!?"  
".Crap," I sighed.  
"But dude!" Dylan hissed through his teeth across another student to communicate,"I thought you wanted a Pichu too."  
"But.not the." I gasped,".The."  
"Hey, shut up you rats," Mr. Mito extended his arm with the Pichu doll in it,"This is the Poke Progress Project that the towns of Elmwood and Briddan worked together to make.this project."  
"That you were supposed to give us three months ago!" Dylan spoke up.  
"Three months.whatever."  
"But dude, we need more time! The vacation."  
"What vacation?" Mr. Mito continued,"What kind of leisure did I have in prison? None, nihil, nada! Do you think that I'm gonna make your life like the care bears sleepover or something?"  
"But dude.!"  
"Deebo!"  
"But dude."  
"DEEBO!"  
"DUUDE!"  
"Get out of my class!" Mr. Mito shouted.  
"What class!?" Dylan cursed when he stomped out of the classroom,"And dude, my name's Dylan, not DEEBO!"  
"Yeah, Mr. Mi-dope!" Jill added, following her boyfriend.  
"Oh, diss-age," Jeff added. "Huh, huh, dope," Burger giggled deeply, following the rest of his friends last out of the class, still chuckling lengthily. Mr. Mito showed no delay in continuing on with the lesson.after his usual swig of firewater. ".Listen up, you grease balls," Mr. Mito continued,"The town wants to pump you up before you all go off pokemon training and stuff by measuring how you do with a mechanical dummy. Over a three month time period, how well you treat the Pichu will be monitored through the doll's inside.thinking thingie.uh.what was it called?" "Internal computer?" "Thanks, chump.the infernal composer," Mr. Mito didn't care how well the accuracy of his words were,"It measures how much you feed it, play with it, sleep with it, do homework with it.watch chick flicks with it.get into fights with it.drink with it." "Huh?" most students gasped. "Drink?" Mr. Mito warned,"Don't do that, ok? It's bad." ".Ok, Mr. Mito." ".Ok," Mr. Mito answered,"Now, after the three months, I take back all of the Pichus, and this white machine here reads the results of how good you made it feel. So pretty much." Mr. Mito hunched his shoulders and leaned over, holding the Pichu doll just under his chin.  
".It doesn't go AWAY." "Oh, man!" Dan whispered,"Skye, It's pretty much the old egg baby project." "Except much, much harder," I answered,"AND peeving. But at least it doesn't shatter and stain your clothes." "Unless it's that Bouncy Bouncy Baby Me 2000-10 they've been sponsoring on TV," Dan joked,"The one that actually wets itself!" "Wets itself.?" "Well, there's your new pokemon for ya," Dan snickered back, keeping an eye on Mr. Mito just in case he checked on us,"Heh heh." "It's a low-budget high school sitcom's worst nightmare!" I concluded. "Other than the closing statement of advising you NOT to fail and retake this class because I hate teaching stuff to all of you so much, any questions or stupid comments that I did something wrong?" Almost the entire class raised their hands at once. Slapping his forehead, Mr. Mito walked a full circle around all of the desks growling until he eventually picked.me. "Alright, Scratch. What is it?" "Stupid comment that you did something wrong," I answered with attitude. "Ok.fire away." "How come you're giving us this project, which needs a three month time span.and that we only have les than 10 days of school left??" Mr. Mito leaned on my desk for a moment, exhaling loudly. Then, he grabbed both collars of my vest with the grip like that of one of those fighting pokemon that was impersonated on those tattoos. Then, he lowered his eyes with mine, those eyes like a Tauros ready to charge!  
".Because they'll put me back in the slammer!" he whined in my face, literally pulling me out of my chair and onto my knees!  
"Aaah!!" I choked out in surprise.  
Mr. Mito shoved me back into my seat, then stomped back to the whiteboard and hurled another marker right through the glass again, but this time it really didn't shock anyone.  
"Just ta let you know," Mr. Mito explained,"Illegal Pokemon activities put me in prison. So don't do that, ok? We'll be watching a movie tomorrow about Pokemon Gangs and stuff. So, come up and get your Pichu doll. Gotta do that, ok?"  
The whole class got to their feet and lined up, joining their friends and cliques. Me and Dan lined up together, and chattered like the rest of the class did.  
"Dude, it's not fair." I sighed,"Our grades.and my PTL.could be affected by this greatly!"  
"In that case," Dan answered,"If you do good on this, it'll raise your grade greatly! Ever thought of that?"  
"Easier said than done."  
"Aw, Skye," Dan grinned,"I think you'll do good."  
"What about you?" I asked,"What do you think?"  
"With a little 8-year old brother." Dan scratched his head,".An unpredictable father, a bossy mother and a lifetime streak of starting fires with common household items."  
I awaited a finish to his sentence.  
".EEP!" Dan squeaked like a panicked Pichu.  
"Come n' get it, runts," Mr. Mito assigned both me and Dan our Pichu doll, and an instructional manual just in case we had any questions (Trust me, we didn't want to hear flak about not hearing any details from Mr. Mito, and I know you wouldn't either, guaranteed.)  
Once all of us were seated, it took a sharp 5 minutes to get the class to shut up. Mr. Mito had to get us under control by clapping his hands.  
"Now, ready for this one?" Mr. Mito raised one finger to strike a key on the machine that would eventually start our Pichus up,"Once I press the key, you gotta say hey to it and stuff. Make this one all good, ok?"  
"Ok, Mr. Mito." the whole class murmured.  
Zap! The mechanical creatures were instantly brimming to the top with life, and were definitely in no need of repletion. Their paws and big feet swayed from side to side energetically, the diamond ears rotated quickly, and their eyes flashed random colors of the rainbow spectrum.  
"Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU! Pi-CHU!"  
"Ah, I can barely hold onto it," I laughed,"In a way, it seems like a real Pichu."  
"Please don't wet me," Dan prayed,"Please don't wet me.!"  
"AH!" a shout from a student resounded throughout the room when her Pichu doll worked itself loose out of her arms and ran circles around the classroom with such quick moving feet that they could barely be seen. The girl ran desperately around, trying to catch it!  
"Pi-CHU! Pi-PI-PI-CHU!!"  
Now looking around, we soon learned that the mechanical Pichus weren't working the way that their momentary trainers desired them to. One Pichu was jumping on his trainer's head repetitively, while some others emitted sudden shocks of static electricity from their pink cheeks. One even got so worked up that smoke began to spout from the mechanism.  
"Mr. Mito."  
"What!?" Mr. Mito got up from his desk, seeing the smoke and hiding the whiskey again,"What are you sobbing about Vincent!?"  
Before he could reply, the whole class yelped when the Pichu rocketed right into the ceiling so hard that it's head was all the way through the fiberglass tiles! Fragments of the ceiling fell and littered the poor student and his desk with dust. The Pichu was still squirming around when the bell rung.and the teacher already had his bottle through the window. 


	5. Tabletop Tussles

Disclaimer: Guess what? It's our favorite disclaimer! I disclaim thee Ebay, National Enquirer, Yu-Gi-Oh, Dog Eat Dog, and Phantasy Star, and the Algol Star System, which is owned by Sega. Last but not least, I do not own GameCube (In real life I have one!) Pokemon, or the Pokemon TCG, which is owned all by Nintendo.  
  
Disclaim these trifle things restraining you from the action! And now.for some hobby-store havoc as Skye and Dan meet up with Dylan and the others in a game of unintended attrition!!  
  
"Tabletop Tussles,"  
  
One crappy school day down. Nine to go, not counting the weekend!  
And I'm definitely counting the days until I get my Pokemon License!  
  
Leaving the bustling school for the day, I had already met up with Dan after one excruciating biology class, and the ones before that were better left unexplained. While on the way out though, I ran into a green- haired classmate named Clyde, who was about my age.  
"Hey Clyde. How's it going?" I asked.  
"I'm fine," he answered, digging through his pockets for something.  
"What do you want, Clyde?" Dan asked,"I haven't seen you 'round here much."  
"I've been gone pokemon training a little while!" Clyde answered happily,"Hey Skye, wanna battle? Everyone around here says they're not ready to."  
Now that's something I didn't want to hear. Well, I'll just phrase it as something I DID want to listen to, but now wasn't the time! Saying no would rebuff me back into my no-pokemon minority! Saying no would make me an outcast again! Saying no.would be just too embarrassing!  
But I had to me honest.  
".No, I can't," I shuddered like the afraid little boy that I really was.  
"Aww, man!" Clyde sighed.  
".Why.can't I have a real pokemon." I stumbled over to one of the aluminum trashcans lying turned over on the peak of the stairway to my school, lifted it up and stared at my hazy reflection. Then, I began to continually bash my forehead against the can, chanting,"Why, WHY, WHY, WHY.!"  
"Skye! SKYE!!" Dan ran over and tried to force the can out of my hands,"Skye!? Get a grip!"  
".WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!!?"  
Dan laughed out loud as he hit the can out of my hands with a well- aimed punch, sending it over the railing of bushes! When the can landed though, he heard a loud grunt from someone, but Dan didn't care.  
".Fine," Clyde answered hopelessly, running off,"I'll see you sometime! Later, ace!"  
"Don't fret, Skye!" Dan tried to cheer me up,"That'll come later."  
".Well, I'll just fret about this bruise," I sighed,"Opportunities don't come like that too often."  
".Though that does kinda suck," Dan trailed off,"I'd think the same, but wouldn't be knocking my head against an ashtray!"  
"Is it the fact that I stand out in some way?" I asked,"Is it my funny hair color? I didn't dye it at birth, you know."  
"Your hair?" Dan asked,"Nah. I don't think it's your funny hair at all, Skye."  
We ceased chatting until we reached the end of the long walkway that led to my school. The sun beat down upon the both of us, and now I had already longed for winter, my favorite season. But for now, I just wanted summer vacation.and a drink. So I decided to break out the cherry pop.  
".It's warm," I sighed.  
Just then, the Pichu I cradled under my arm acted up again, bashing his head against the bottom of the soda! This sent warm, sticky pop all over my right shoulder, my ponytail, and the strap to my backpack.  
"(Sigh)."  
"Heh heh," Dan laughed,"Already getting to you?"  
"In a way," I sighed,"It's like having a real Pichu, yet it's not because it's a programmed robot. And it makes you think whether the Board of Education is watching through some secret, secluded camera and controlling this thing's every movement or not."  
"Wow," Dan responded, staring blankly into the eyes of his squirming Pichu,"If what you were saying was true, that would be scary."  
"In a way, it's kind of a topper."  
".Hey, I wonder where Tyler and Kevin are screwing around at.?" Dan asked out,"I think I have to meet them later."  
Suddenly, something within the deepest wells of my mind sparked up, and my memory rebooted itself.  
"They wanted to contact us at the Poke Mart after school, under the sign."  
Dan was already talking to himself,"Oh, so that's where those two.WHAT?"  
"I just.heard em' on the way to Health class."  
"Skye, I never heard Tyler say that!" Dan gasped.  
"What are you getting all 'I just saw a legendary pokemon in the face' on me for?" I asked, pushing myself away from Dan,"I just happened to."  
Once we were coming in near proximity of the Poke Mart, our eyes scanned the horizon of the area for our friends.and like I foresaw, they were taking turns filming each other drop-kicking a newspaper dispenser under the glowing Poke Mart sign.  
".Guess."  
"Wow," Dan was stunned,"Good guess."  
We cautiously crossed the street that was filled with ambitious drivers and bulky, hissing school buses, where we met up with the two mischief-makers.  
".AaaaaaAAAAAHHH!!!" Kevin was already getting a running start from the back of the near-by Poke Mart. Tyler kept the lens pointed at Kevin as he leapt up into the air.  
WHACK!  
"Oooo!!" Tyler laughed,"That didn't feel too good."  
"OOW!" Kevin rolled around on the ground, cross-eyed and holding his knee, which had made contact with the telephone pole instead,"OOOOOHH!!!"  
"Hey, Tyler," I asked, but the boy didn't turn around,"HEEEY, TYLER!"  
"Hey, it's our man Skye Grendhert!" Tyler spun around after saying my name and stuck the camera right in my nose. Then, he persistently began to shove me with his other arm,"Hey, Skye! Heeey!! HEEEEEEYYY!! How ya DOIN?"  
"Stop it! Stop it!" I urged, finally getting him to stop,"Quit it already. Sheesh."  
"What are you two up to?" Dan asked,"Can I drop kick the stand too?"  
"Yeah!" Tyler ignored the whining from his friend in the background,"Yeah, man. We were just making ultra-funny clips for our newest music video. Wanna do it with us?"  
"It'll be.awesome." Kevin got to his feet, limping,".Oh."  
"I guess," I answered,"If you need the Grendhert guitar skills!"  
"At least I left my bass over your house, Tyler!" Dan smirked,"Poor Kevin!"  
Without warning, Tyler suddenly switched the camera on and kicked Kevin in the back of his supporting knee, knocking him over. He got everything on film.  
"OW!" Kevin gasped,"Damn it! What was that for, dumb ass!?"  
"That was for Crisis 350!" Tyler laughed, keeping the camera on his face.  
"That was cruel," I sighed,"But.kinda funny." "We need you guys for this!" Tyler begged. "Sure," I answered,"We're a band, right?" "Yeah!" Dan added,"Crisis 350!" "Come over with us!" Tyler urged,"We gotta write some lyrics for our next pokemon training album!" "Sure, but not sure," I answered, holding Dan back,"I think we have some stuff to do before we can see each other later. But we'll catch up. I'll bring my equipment." "Alright!" Tyler answered. "But for now, I think I gotta get something from Sabu here." Dan gave me the pound before he answered,"I'm gonna stick out here. You go, OK?" I pushed through the doors of the mart, greeting Sabu while I looked around for a snack. Truthfully, I was a real musician and wanted to play for my band Crisis 350 (For 350 species of pokemon.) But I so continued to desire leaving this boring town! I was growing more and more impatient just brooding on the idea of pokemon training freedom! I was planning a no- holds barred adventure! But everything that my life revolved around was all in Elmwood; my school system, my friends, Crisis 350 and the once-a-week Shaolin Kung fu lessons with Master Mushu. Even my family! "Are you OK over there?" Sabu asked me across the store with his usual concerned, friendly manner,".Hey, Skye?" ".Ah!" I broke out of my stream of thought. "You can't leave the icebox open for that long!" Sabu complained,"You'll melt the Ben N' Harry's!" "Sorry, Sabu," I brought over a couple of Ben N' Harry's ice cream pints for my friends,"I've been thinking.Sabu? What was leaving home like?" "When I was wanting to be a pokemon trainer." Sabu explained, ringing up my purchases,"Leaving my parents in Drail was a tough thing to do, Skye. Tough thing." He exhaled slowly, then took in a quick frantic breath and let his story blow right out of his mouth with little or no hiatus whatsoever! "That was because there were lots and lots of bombs coming down on us, and we has so little as a Camerupt, a jug of water and a little yellow plastic baggy with some peanut butter rice crap in it!" "Huh?" "And those planes kept coming, and those bombs kept going boom, and we're all screaming, 'ALLAH!' while trying to fasten our turbans together.then we got to the airport, and my papa says,'Sabu, you're gonna make a living as a pokemon trainer,' and I say,'NOOO! We gonna DIE!' and then my papa says,'No Sabu, you're gonna live and become our one and only pokemon master!' and then I say,'Make the bombs stop!' and then daddy says,'You Sabu are gonna retire and help other trainers!' and then the plane got hit.!" ".Really?" I asked, ignoring a loud grunt from my three friends outside, following some cussing. ".And then the plane go down go boom!" Sabu ran back and forth behind the counter, pulling on his hair,"And then, parents were injured and my mama says,'Learn to carry on by yourself, and forge a way into the world,' and I Sabu go,'No, Daddy! You and momma gonna live!' and papa goes,'Take this gift, it's from me, now go!' and then I go running through the woods, and the Viet Cong shooting at me thinking I no Communist, and I scream,'ALLAH!' and they go,'Die, DIE!' and I go,'ALLAH!' and then I kneel on rug and Allah save me and I find hospital.and.and.!" ".Sabu," I corrected,"How the heck did you somehow travel back more than 70 years to the Vietnam War? It doesn't make sense." ".Oh," Sabu sighed,"I meant Arcadia and Zodion, the two countries east of Johto and Kanto that are at war-related issues.even up to now. Forgive me for trailing off; the experience to me still remains even though it happened so long ago!" "Oh yeah," I answered,"Things aren't looking so good between Arcadia and Zodion. Both of them have a no-fly zone, right? They also are prohibiting pokemon usage down there too." "That's right." Sabu answered,"Anyway, I escape Zodion troops, because present I got from my daddy is a special pokemon, and they don't like pokemon down there." "I think I know what it's like," I spoke, actually in a way referring to my own personal issues,"When you don't really know your family's history, or the events that separated them from you." A deep feeling of moroseness filled my heart as I sagged my head, fighting the tears and shelving my humor. "It distresses me every time I think about why your brother and father left you so, so long ago," Sabu explained from his heart,"At a young age the transition of your brother leaving you for the Pokemon League and your father for Pokemon Research must be so hard on you." "Yeah," I sighed,"I don't even know any of their names either.I was too young to remember. But it's quite odd that my brother is only three years apart from me and that I barely know him at all. And my father.a total mystery." POP! Without warning, my mechanical Pichu woke up and began to flail in my arms! Eventually, he had popped out and was dancing before the convenience store clerk. "PI-CHU! PI-CHU! PI-CHU!" "Ha ha ha," I laughed, getting out of my soppy mood,"It looks like he's already fed." "Silly creature!" Sabu had to push the thing away,"Get away.get away! Off my lottery tickets! My lottery tickets, you!" "He's a machine," I replied,"It's a project." "Oh," Sabu halted his attempt to grab the mouse machine. "Sorry," I collected the Pichu and got him under control,"I know it's something you don't need added to your exhausting working hours." "I don't mind working here," Sabu bagged up the ice cream,".Because I love to. The Poke Mart is my soul. It warms my heart to support pokemon trainers in any way." "Like racking up their calories?" "Yes, as long as they get enough exercise!" Sabu concluded,"As my father and mother desired me to live my life; to the fullest! Your total is 12.34, tax included. Keep them stored; it's quite hot out there." "And hazardous with those three around." Meanwhile, my other listening ear was picking up the faint chattering of Tyler and Kevin, who were egging Dan on. Eventually, I heard a loud, clanging noise, and a resounding,"OOOO!!" "That had to leave a mark!" "See you," I departed, but Sabu had one more thing to say. "Skye! Hey, Skye!" "Yeah?" "That Pichu.the electrical one. It is good practice for you, Skye. Remember that when a real pokemon is assigned to your care." ".Thanks!" I grinned, keeping that in mind. "Return here with proof that you taught it well," Sabu informed,"Keep it with you. Protect it like if it were the most precious thing to you. The world is a hard place for a rookie like you, and the path of a Pokemon Master is one of much hardships. But bring that Pichu back with a good morale, and I'll reward you well." ".Really?" WHUNK! "OW!" Dan cried. "Hey, Dan got nailed!" Tyler claimed. "Don't even repeat this to your young friend Daniel," Sabu warned,"He's not ready for this, trust me." "You, you.!" Dan cursed to Kevin from outside,"I'll snuff you!" "No you won't!" "Yeah! Right in your knee!" WHACK! "AAAAHHH!!" ".Keep it between us, ok?" "Sure Sabu," I grinned, feeling more motivated than ever,"Thanks." "Thank you Skye, come again!" Sabu's closing words repeated a couple times before I rejoined my friends outside. I found Tyler and Kevin standing over Dan, who was gripping his knees in pain. Then, I watched from a distance as Kevin provoked Dan verbally so much that Dan kicked Kevin in the side of his hurting knee, throwing him down upon the pavement with him.  
  
Next stop: Mewtwo's Dungeon, a hobby store where bored teenagers and jobless burnouts can devote their newfound free time. This is where Dylan and the rest of my friends were most of the time. Plus, they scheduled a meeting a week ago, where we'd play some kind of new Pokemon battling epic.a dice-rolling, statistic based adventure. I was willing to try it out for once instead of watching from a distance, but Dan complained and wished to see Tyler. "C'mon, Skye!" Dan complained,"I'm tired of being dragged to this dork-a- rama." "Hey," I grinned,"Who said you had to come? I'm not your legal guardian, you know." "Well, that's a relief!" Dan answered as I reached for the handle to the tattered store,"Or else I'd be here forever!" "Plus, I can't just blow off my previous plans I made with Dylan! I agreed to come here a week ago!" The inside of the store was jam-packed with ever-devoted epic players, who were rolling dice, moving pewter figures, and playing cards. The walls were intricately lined with Pokemon training advertisements, boxed model sets and board games. A heavy air conditioning system hung lazily atop the ceiling, emitting a loud buzz from its fan, whirring with age. The atmosphere was muggy with talk and food, which was everywhere your eyes were positioned, among the valley of various tables, stools and bookshelves. Mewtwo's Dungeon: I don't know how to end it, but I'll say it's just plain fresh! The card shop's holder, a middle-aged man named Bobby wearing a tropical shirt with the front open, accompanied another rountid man wearing a green sweater named A.J who was always playing video games. The supervisor of the occasional card tournaments was another employee named Dave, who I think is quite bossy and a little too into his work. Anyway, all of us congregated ourselves to a table in the back, wedging ourselves through the various hobbyists forgetting to state how much of a pain in the preverbal it was getting around Mewtwo's Dungeon. "X'cuse me.sorry," I blabbered to any people I made the simplest physical contact with,"Oops, forgive me.comin through.oh, my bad." ".Ah." Dan gasped when he accidentally kicked the chair right out from under the rear of a sinewy little Puerto Rican kid nick-named Beans. Beans crashed to the floor while the single buttoned section of his overalls got caught in one of the chair's joints! "(Click.) WHAAA DA HELL!!" Beans squealed, while his friends cursed at us, but we paid them no attention. "Oops." I giggled passively,"Sorry, Beans." "Yeah.sorry," Dan couldn't hold back his laughter. "(Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU, (Click.) I SNUFF YOU!!" Beans kicked and punched wildly, flipping the chair onto himself,"(click.) YOU WANNA FIGHT, ULTUNNO YALL!? (Click.) I BEAT YO ASS, CRACKA!" "Put a damper on it, Beans," I panicked,"What are you gonna do, Dan!? Stand there and let Beans cuss up a Def Jam Vendetta 2 promotional ad!? Move aside." Literally everyone temporarily got up from whatever game they were playing just to watch this accidental little fiasco. This also attracted the attention of Burrito, Bean's little pokemon Poochyena. Dan got down and uselessly yanked on Bean's overall strap, while I constantly warned Dan to unjam it from under the chair screw first. It took a couple minutes and a lot of toleration of Burrito's excessive barking and all of his group's swearing and cursing to free the stubborn overalls. "It's alright Beans.heh heh," I laughed. "(Click.) IT ALRIGHT FOR ME TO SNUFF YOU!! DAT ALRIGHT WIT ME!! DAT.!!" "Dan, pick the chair up." "Why!?" Dan fought off Burrito with one arm,"Beans is really cooking up my hard rice, if you know what I mean." "Damn it all!" I complained,"Didn't you consider that nothing's funner than being face to face with a little whining brat that could even start an argument with a Buckingham palace guard!?" "Well, you should think about our little Taco Bell mascot too; he's really showing some affection with those pointy little teeth." "Dan, shut up and free him for god's sake! I think I'm going DEAF here!"  
  
But the thing was that Burrito took a quick nip out of Dan's butt, making him yowl more like a distraction than an unpleasant pain. Dan dropped the chair onto the ground so that one of the legs pinned down one of the excessively long ends of Bean's oversized do-rag so that when he tried to regain his footing, he was yanked to the ground again! "AAAAHH!!" Beans screamed out in a rage,"I KILL YOU!!" "Kill me!?" I shouted back,"Hey, hey, hey, who's the one wearing the bandanna!?" "(Click.) IT SA DO RAG!" "Fine Beans. A do-rag.c'mon now, cooperate with me here; this is just an every day accident that should've been easy to aplomb about 10 minutes ago.If my friend here were to.DAN!? Lift the chair up! You're killin' me here." Dan though was currently trying to free Burrito's powerful jaws off his pant leg,"Excuse me, Skye; this dog IS killing me." "(Sigh.) Dan, ignore the Poochyena and just throw the chair off of him! How specific do I have to get!?" Dan stubbornly ignored the dog and gave the upright chair a good shove, sending it crashing onto Beans again! I flailed my arms in the air as Dan stood the chair up again. Then, he hit it in the other direction so that it fell onto his dog instead. A clang and an excited yip resulted. "Dan, I said,'throw the chair off of him,' not,' throw the chair onto him or at his dog in retaliation'!" "Screw that," Dan carelessly nodded,"Poochyenas get on my nerves.especially Burrito!" "Just don't ask me to buy you any treats at the Poke Mart for awhile." Meanwhile, Burrito squirmed out from under the chair and attempted round two of trying to bite Dan's heels, but Beans grabbed the feisty dog by the scruff of the neck and scooped it under his armpit. "There," I panicked,".Looks like the Beans I know.YIKES!" ".I CUT YOU!" I gasped because the shrimp whipped a knife out of his pocket and held it to my rib cage (It was as high as he could reach!) But in a way I wasn't scared, because it was the fact that it was.not what you'd expect. A confident defiance re-emerged itself. "Beans! That's a butter knife." "Gimmie fitty cent." ".Please Beans." I grinned,"You really don't need to do this. I was just commenting you before.heh heh.looking good!" "(Click.) Yeah, look like Beans wit a chair to da face, punk!" Beans challenged with a high-pitched voice meant to be terrifying,"Now you gimmie fitty cent, B." ".Huh? Beans, it's FIFTY cents." "(Click.) Yeah you fitty cent b-yatch!" ".I'm only worth fifty cents?" I laughed,"Excuse me Beans; mom paid much more than that to bring me into existence.so next time, try judging people by their nature than their finances." "(Click.).I SAY GIMMIE FITTY CENT OR I CUT YOU, B-YATCH!" Burrito let out a supporting yip. "Go ahead and try it," I laughed,"Cuz' if I were you, I wouldn't rub the end of a dull kitchen utensil against a black belt Ninjitsu student of Master Mushu!" ".Skye!" "Dan, shut up and play along," I winked at him. Wow, what a fib.well, just the belt level. That was all made up at the last minute. ".Yeah!" Dan over-exaggerated, but played his part,"Mushu's gonna whoop your ASS, MAN!!"  
Before Beans could strike back with a remark of his own, Burrito's nose pointed to Dave, who up to now was unobtrusive. He was trying to stop the fight and get the card and table-top games running again.  
"Hey, break it up, break it up," Dave pushed through the crowd and stood between us,"Any more crap is pulled off by the both of you, you're out. Got it?"  
".Ok," I answered.  
"Throw Beans out," Dan laughed,"And his dirt-faced mutt!"  
Beans lashed out again, but Dave gave him a firm elbow that threw the little kid into his chair again.  
"GHAA, B-YATCH, WHAT S'OUR PROBLEM!? YA OWE ME FITTY CENT! YOU OWE ME FITTY CENT!!"  
"You need fifty cents," Dave remarked as A.J and Bobby ran over, scooped the flailing Beans up and dragged him towards the entrance of Mewtwo's Dungeon,".For tuition for the national school of anger management!"  
"I GONNA GIT YOU, B-YATCH!!" Beans flipped out the butter knife again,"AND WHEN I GIT YA I'M GONNA MAKE YOU GO GIMMIE FITTY CENT!! DIS KNIFE GONNA FIND YA AND CUT YOU, B'YATCH!! "  
"Save me the anxiety and go spread toast with it instead," I smugly taunted with my back turned.  
"I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU, I CUT YOU!!!" Bean's cries faded out as A.J held him while Bobby delivered the shoe to his skinny sitter. A.J fought Burrito off and pitched him right out with his trainer; soon his friends followed, plus a normal atmosphere.  
"Dude whatever," Bobby followed with a common line,"Kill yourself."  
With everything good and mollified, we had meandered from our main task; finding Dylan and the others.  
"Skye, let's get out of here," Dan complained again,"I'm tired of witnessing the dis- functionality of people that sell their soul to this stuff."  
".Dan, if you're gonna bounce, just do it," I answered back,"Oh, there he is."  
It was a fierce game of Pokemon Trading Card Duels: Dylan drew his next card and looked his hand over very carefully.while studying is opponent's face for a chance to interpret what his next move would be.  
"Just try to throw another one of those stupid things against my Charizard! It'll get cooked!" came his opponent's urging voice.  
"Not if I use this.Energy Removal!" Dylan grinned, using his cards with a swift finesse,".Followed by a Gust of Wind (Dylan farts, he laughs.) that sends your Dragon Tales cohort back where he belongs.leaving only that poor, helpless Charmander that's in desperate need of Poke life insurance.which means I just use Raticate's Hyper Fang to deal 40+ which means already defeat you, score my last prize and win the overall game, but I'll just flip the coins to inflict extra damage just for fun!"  
".HEEEEY!" Dylan's opponent cried out in annoyance,"That wasn't FAIR!"  
".And didn't you forget? You were about six energy cards from actually attacking, too."  
"WHAAAH!!" "Oh, in your FACE!" Dylan shouted,BOO-YAHH!!"  
We arrived behind him just after he claimed his victory, trying desperately to get his attention.  
"Hey, Dylan."  
".BOOO-YAAAH!!" Dylan shouted at the little 6 year old boy that he just dueled,"I gotta admit you had me with that Alakazam's Damage Swap power, but man, I beat you SOOO BAD!!"  
"Dylan."  
He was still celebrating when the little boy gave him the finger and stomped away, sobbing. Dylan was never fazed.  
"Dylan.DYLAN!!"  
"AAH, DUDE!" Dylan greeted me,"You scared the crap out of me. What's going on, dude?"  
"Nothin," I replied,"Let me guess; you won another Pokemon TCG with your,'Rabid Killer Squirrel,' deck, huh?"  
"Heh heh, yeah."  
"Rabid Killer Squirrel deck?" Dan asked,".Ok."  
"What's keeping Jill and the others?" Dylan asked to himself,"You've seen em anywhere?"  
"Other than school.no."  
"I think they've decided to pursue something that has eluded everyone in here, called." Dan joked, though none of us heard him,"A life."  
  
Meanwhile, a teenage boy walked up to Dave, who was cataloguing and sorting out name tags and cards.  
"Hey man, do you know where the john is!? I gotta go."  
"Hey man, do you know where your house is?" Dave joked back,"You gotta go there."  
"But dude, there IS some sort of latrine in here, isn't there? I see people going into it all the time."  
"Yeah, there is. But there is usually one person in there all the time."  
"Who?"  
"You get the point," he said dully,"If you saw people go INTO the bathroom, then you obviously know where it's located."  
"But."  
"So do it!" he shouted,"Go take a leak."  
  
"So what are we gonna do today, if not Pokemon card battling?" I asked,"Borehammer? Magic the Orgying? Another round of Dungeons and Dirtbags?"  
"Not today, dude!" Dylan pulled out a book of some kind and shows it to me, hyperactively shouting,"HERE IT IS, DUDE! THE BRAND SPANKIN' NEW POKEMON EPICS RULEBOOK!! KICK ASS DUDE!!"  
"Um.cool," I sighed, embarrassed.  
"I haven't seen much enthusiasm from him ever since he smothered Jeff's face with Citadel model primer and took a picture," Dan whispered to me.  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Dylan lifted up the book and cooed at it like a baby.  
  
"Hey, do you buy cards?" a nosy group of kids asked Dave.  
"You know the answer to that," Dave replied, not looking up from his work.  
"We do?"  
Dave walked over and held up a flyer for his store,"Mewtwo's Dungeon:.Trade, Sell.BUY! Of course we do. What are you offering?"  
One of the kids held up some cards for Dave to see.  
"These are commons," Dave answered blankly.  
"Yeah, we know!" one of the boys replied.  
".Why should I buy these." Dave reasoned,"When the Wizards of the Pond sends me boxes and boxes of them for cheaper?"  
"Cuz."  
Dave cut him off,"Well, not exactly free, my friends. But we sure get so much of em' that we're selling commons for a quarter each."  
"We know that!"  
".Yeah!"  
"So I can just do myself a favor." Dave flipped through the commons box and drew out the exact ones that they were offering,"There. No need to buy em now. Now go, scram, disseminate, use em as fire kindling or give em to a wino something if you don't want em."  
  
"So, what's so special about this Pokemon Epics?" I asked.  
"Oh, the plot gets old and repeatative, so you already know that you're going on a pokemon journey and collecting Gym Badges," Dylan explained,"But it doesn't stop there. You get to customize everything from your trainer's eyes and hair and their pokemon teams to the kind of underwear they put on every morning. There are a lot of scenarios and worlds and tools and stuff.you get the drill. Enough to make you want to call this game your daddy."  
".Or your stimulant," Dan ranked again.  
  
"What's up, man?" another card-collecting boy approached Dave,"Wanna see my collection? I wanna sell it to ya."  
Dave rolled his eyes and approached his new customer,".I guess. As long as they're holographic or rare, I'll buy em."  
He handed his binder over and showed him the page that contained his rarest, most precious cards. Dave saw that they had no scratches, eroded corners, nor were they fake.a perfect purchase.  
"Hmm." Dave punched in some buttons on his calculator,"I add the price of your holographic Ampharos, Blaziken, Vaporeon, Mighthyena and.and not to forget the promo Ho-oh.your collection is currently worth 253 Navian dollars and seven cents."  
"WHOOOO-HOO!!" the boy leapt up and down,"Are you gonna buy it!? Huh!? Are ya, are YA!?"  
".Looks good," Dave concluded,".I'll take it, but I'm not paying you in cash."  
"Oh, now you're telling me you're gonna take it for free." the kid grumbled.  
"We pay in store credit," Dave corrected, taking out a different calculator this time,".And if I put your collection's worth through this here.it currently reads that it is worth one dollar and 34 cents in pure, Mewtwo-s Dungeon store credit."  
"But.but." the kid gasped,"The store says that you BUY cards! I mean, the cards I'm selling.they're rare as hell, dude! They're scratch- less.100 percent original.and all First edition! I don't get it!"  
"Well," Dave ignored most of the kid's complaining,"We do buy cards, but our first instinct is naturally to haggle with the dealer to an extent that we can buy em' for as cheap as possible."  
The boy remained frozen with a look of developing anger on his face.  
"You gotta understand.it's human nature."  
".What the heck could I buy with that cheap sum of cash, anyway!?" the boy complained,"Knights of the Bridge Table, Revenge of the Zombified Pokemon Professors, Fairy Eaters or one of these queer dust-collectors? A lifetime supply of Twizzlers that have been sitting on your rack since the eighties? And strangely, that doesn't even cover a THIRD of the cost for another Pokemon booster pack."  
".Sorry, I had to do it," Dave said stupidly,"Aren't we a bunch of little weasely bastards?"  
"It's that calculator, isn't it!? The zero button is probably broken!"  
"Even if it was, it's none of your brown-nosing business."  
".Screw this!" he complained, slamming his album shut and storming out the door,"I'd make a fortune selling em' to some creepy old bastard on Ebay! Later!!"  
".Fine. See you ten years from now.when I die from a lack of exercise and decide to not put up with your crap anymore," Dave concluded, secretly trying to disfigure the zero button on his calculator more than it was before.  
  
".Oh, there they are," I pointed out to Jill, Jesse, and Burger, who were just coming through the door.  
"WHEEEEEHH!!" Dylan screamed at them, replying back with something similar. As we all congregated, Dylan took out his Pokemon Epics rulebook and showed it to all of his friends as well. Then, we all seated ourselves at a table in the back.  
Jesse lifted up a little card on the table that read,'Reserved for Ou- Gi-Oh! Tournament, then flicked it aside,"Dude, total suckage. I can't stand those people."  
"Thinking that they run all over all us non-Ou-Gi-Oh! people," Dylan added,"Now, someone get out the checklist."  
"Checklist?" Dan asked,"What about the ecstasy?"  
Jill yanked a roll of machine paper from her hoodie, and Dylan put a finger into the air,"Sun Flora Flora chips? (Check!) Cherry Popsi? (Check!) Pokemon character sheets? (Check!) Dice bag? (Definitely!) our homework.?"  
".Huh?" all of us asked out.  
"Save it for the last minute," Dylan joked,"Now, let's play!"  
"Dude, wait." Jesse was digging through his pack,"Damn, much suckage. We forgot the chips and soda, but I doubt we'll need em."  
"WHAA.?" Dylan became aggravated.  
"Well, we're pretty sidetracked to begin with."  
".We can be as sidetracked as much as you guys want to be!" Dylan went into a hissy fit,"Without anything to get fat and flatulent over, what the hell is a Pokemon Epics party then!? A Kosher Nascar event!?"  
"Um." Jesse and Jill began to drip sweat. "Oh my god," Dan panicked,"We've degraded ourselves to the point that we're having a controversy over corn chips. CORN CHIPS! Truly sad." ".I'm sure the rest of us want to get fat and flatulent playing Pokemon Epics! And you know ho much we have to clog our arteries with junk food in order to fulfill such a Mewtwo's Dungeon tradition! Now, you hopeless idiots get us some chips and soda so we can get fat and flatulent!!" "Hey, we'll do it!" Jill ran off with Jeff,".Whiner!" "C'mon Burger!" Jeff shouted,"Stop eating that kid's grinder!" "HEEEEEEYY!!"  
  
"Hey Dave, can I sell you any cards?" another boy asked.  
"Yeah, sure," Dave walked over annoyed,"What cha offering?"  
"Here ya go," he flashed a shiny card from his card binder,"Holographic Promo Mew! First edition, mint condition!"  
Dave took the card and looked over it thoroughly with a magnifying glass. Then, he put it against a lamp to see if it was fake or not, then flipped it over and made a flinching motion. Immediately, Dave turned the card to it's owner.  
"You said, mint condition, right?" Dave asked.dully.  
"Yeah!" the kid answered.  
"Hmm." Dave scratched his head,"I see what you mean by mint.which in a way doesn't explain why there are greenish-chocolate stains all over the back of it."  
The kid was astonished by Dave's sudden change in reaction to the card. He immediately handed it back to him.  
".As you see, Mint condition is defined as." Dave flipped out a dictionary,".'being in it's original, unused condition.' Not,'smothered by hanbds that had just been used to fork Andes down your gullet with lukewarm fingertips."  
"Oh.really?" the kid whined hopelessly,"Oh, man, that's what mint condition really means."  
"And being a card collector, it should be like slippers to Professor Oak," Dave turned away to his work once more.  
  
The threesome returned, but not with any form of snack or sweetened, carbonated drink. Boy, that sure got Dylan a little more than concerned when he saw the three of them sitting there with their hands outstretched like as to accept an offering.  
"Dude, where's the stuff!? I told you to bring chips and soda, not ask for blessings!"  
"Dude, some little kid with a knife took our quarters." Jesse gasped.  
"Shut up, Jesse!!" Jill elbowed him and told an entirely different story,".We mean, this jacked dude you'd see on Cops.those guys that take your money and pokemon and."  
"Oh, really."  
".He was all small and stuff.huh huh," Burger chuckled.  
"Thanks, tubby," Jill cursed.  
".You're lying?" Dylan saw through it,"Yeah sure, future reporters of the National Enquirer."  
"So.W-w-w-w-what do we d-d-dooo!?" Jesse cried.  
"Dude, just beat the tar out him and take his money!" Dylan answered, turning away.  
"Huh, huh, OK," Burger laughed as the threesome departed again, and all was quiet but all of the hobbyist's chatter. It was only minutes later that through a barrage of disconcerting barking we overheard punching noises, a squeal, and the clatter of change against the sidewalk.  
Meanwhile, all of us were bickering where to sit and how to prepare the playing area.  
"Now, I get to sit over here."  
"Skye, that's my seat!"  
"Dudes! The DM sits at the end of the table!"  
"Why so!?"  
"Because I'm the one actually putting this game together!"  
"Can I sit here in this then!?"  
"No dude."  
"But there's one more than enough chairs for us.Why can't I just take one of these."  
"All three of em are for Burger's fat ass."  
"Argh!"  
I looked over my shoulder when I we were interrupted by someone knocking on the end of the table we were planning as our game area. I happened to be Dave.  
"What do you want, Dave?" Dylan asked, pulling his rulebooks away from him.  
"Did you smart people read the little card I had worked on so hard this morning? You know, the one that said,'Reserved for the Ou-Gi-Oh Tournament,' that was resting all cushy here on the table?"  
"Um.yeah?" Dylan answered timidly,"We did before it got drafted."  
The both of us let out a weak giggle.  
".So." Dave shrugged,"Where is it and who are YOU people!? Huh?"  
"Dude, we're your friends?"  
"Are you guys participating in a tournament? Are you guys Ou-Gi-Oh players?"  
"I don't know," Dylan answered,".Until you bring us some tight leather, Egyptian jewelry."  
"Hair gel!" Dan screamed out randomly,"Hair GEL!"  
"Yeah.hair gel!" Dylan answered,"Yeah, we could play the part."  
"Play the part?" David asked,"Cut the crap and move."  
"Quiet, you," Dylan imitated a certain Oh-Gi-Oh character, with the arms crossed and the stern, corny voice to boot,"I'm running a company."  
I laughed. Dan put his finger to his head as if he were to shoot himself.  
"So you wanna play Broadway with me, don't ya? Wanna play a good part?" Dave asked, picking up Dylan by the back of his shirt collar, seeming vexed,"How about you play the part in this musical of the annoyingly, useless customer who is seconds from receiving a royal kick to his hamburger's home for refusing to shovel off his excess skin flakes from the Reserved seating."  
"WHEEEEH!!" Dylan squealed, attracting an extremely entertained group of spectators. I stepped up to Dave and pleaded.  
"C'mon, it was an accident. We'll move and it'll be over."  
"Better," Dave dropped Dylan right into the chair behind me, walking back to the counter where he was, as he mentioned,"Working so hard," like he was before. The goofy laughing from everyone else revealed that this has happened before.many, many, many times.  
"Wow," I said out of nowhere,"The happiness that blooms from a grungy card store."  
"What bliss," Dan replied to me sarcastically. "What the hell," Dylan cursed,"Why do they get all the clean tables and chairs? All the free 2 liters and chips and Ju-Ju beads.at the snap of your royal freakin' highness' pudgy fingers? Stupid Oh-Gi-Oh players." "C'mon, let's stop messing around and start playing Pokemon Epics," I interrupted,"Can't people just get to the point?" "I wanna go home," Dan blared out blandly. "Shut up, you little weasel!" WHACK! "Ow." I seized the chair from the Oh-Gi-Oh tables and brought it over to the adjacent one, since availability of one was pretty scant. For a while Dylan pried each of the books from his backpack that were required to play. As Dylan worked diligently on the set up, Dan curiously drew closer to Dylan and persistently threw rude questions at him. "Hey, Dylan!" Dan joked,"Why is it that you have to use more books than that of a Roman library wardrobe? Don't they get pretty heavy?" "Naw, you think?" Dylan answered,"That's cuz you need the Pokemon Epics Player's Handbook.the Pokemon Epics Pokemon Manual.and Pokemon Epics Tool book.you definitely need the Pokemon Epics Date Book." Dan stared blankly back at Dylan. "Yeah, I thought these games were more hassling versions of Mouse Trap. Have ya ever played Mouse Trap?" Dylan ignored him for a while, sorting out our character sheets and trying as hard as possible not to keep his attention tied to Dan. ".One time my brother yanked on one of the components, and it snapped, and one of the plastic mouse pieces hit me in the crotch." Dylan dropped the Date Book to slowly turn a stare over his shoulder. His jaw was hanging open with awe and annoyance. ".It really hurt."  
  
"Hey! Move it, un-cool Mewtwo's Dungeon rule violators." "What!?" Dylan complained,"But we're sitting at this table." "Let me warn you that when people don't obey the rules, I get really, really mad." "Ok," We all answered simultaneously. ".And I think you don't want to see me get really mad." "Well, I think I do." "Dan, shut up!" I hissed. "Look," Dylan got up and waved his hands at our table,"I devoted a long time to trying to make our Pokemon Epics game happen here at this table. Do you see any stupid reserved cards?" "No." "Then stop harassing us, dude!" "I don't see any reserved cards." Dave posed like Shakespeare gripping a human skull,".Nor do I see how the people of this fair, ghetto card store can sit down to play Oh-Gi-Oh if their chairs have been drawn away." "OHHH." I trailed off. ".To be.or not to BEEE???" David plucked Dylan off the ground again,"Ejected from Mewtwo's Dungeon with extreme prejudice?" "AAAAAHHHH!!" Dylan squealed. "What a weirdo," Dan said blankly. "Fine, damn it," I answered,"Dylan, stop tussling with Dave and help me move ALL the chairs back to where we had em." "Alright," Dave dropped Dylan, but this time, he fell onto his butt and hit his head against the table (We ignored his squeal.) "I knew none of you wanted to see me in my angry state." "And none of us definitely wanted to hear your poetry, either," I smiled back. Once Dave was gone, we got back to our original location and set up there. Instead of moving the chairs from their spot, I decided to turn them around so that we could use the table BEHIND the reserved section. "But dude, he technically said NOT to move the chairs!" Dylan objected. "Aww, come on," I urged,"You're not just gonna let some pudgy, undergraduate table shark run all over us, are ya? Well, all I have to say is that I'm losing my patience, too." "I'm losing my sanity, that's what I'm losing!" Dan cried,"WHAAAAH!!" "I am gonna turn the chairs around once the Ou-Gi-Oh people get here, aren't I?" "One point for goody-two combat shoes. Whoop whoo," Dan tediously moaned. "Hey, Dylan!!" "WHAAAT~!!" Dylan dropped all of his things, turning to face his next verbal oppressor,"Damn it all Dav.oh, hey Jeff." "We're back!" Jeff and our other friends answered. "Huh, huh.back," Burger sat down on one of the chairs, accidentally watching him collapse as the chair gave in to his weight. "Stupid Burger," Jill taunted. Dylan, who hadn't seen the bag of the snacks that Jeff had brought back, jumped to conclusions,"Look dude. If you gonna whine about getting mugged by one more little kid." Jesse frowned, having held the bag of snacks before Dylan minutes before he actually caught sight of them. "Oh.let me see." Dylan sifted his hand through the treats,".Ok.ok.yeah, thanks guys. It's good." "Dude, yeah," Jeff took a seat with his other friends. ".Yeah, good in terms of a Spanish Class end-of-the-year snack party," Dylan threw the food back at Jeff,"What the hell, dude! Why are you being so freakin' stingy!?" "C'mon, dude!" Jeff whined,"I have to save money for the yearbook!" "Screw the yearbook! When you're in Dylan's inner circle, who cares about staring at cheerleaders!? Dude, when you play Pokemon Epics 24-7 like the rest of us do, what do you think is the only thing you have to devote to us, huh? Your butt sweat? C'mon, dude, your money is ours too! Isn't it?" ".Dylan." Jeff trembled,".I like looking at cheerleaders!" "Me too!" Dan declared. "I'm sure you do!" Dylan shoved him off of his chair,"Get over it, you prep! That yearbook will be the biggest waste of 100 Navian dollars you ever spent! Who told you to buy that anyway? Your lonely, mate-less brother at college? Now, get some more damn chips!" "100 dollars to stare up cheerleader's skirts?" Dan whispered to me,"Sheesh, if you compare that to Dylan's 500+ payload on Pokemon Epic games, I definitely wouldn't be calling that a waste." "True dat." "You think I'm just talking to HIM!?" Dylan scolded Jill and Burger as well. "Hey, hey, HEY!" Jill shrieked,"We don't have to escort Jeff around like he's Tony Soprano or something."  
  
With a loud and pestering screech of a lack of lubrication, the door to Mewtwo's Dungeon threw itself open to the way of customers. Dave normally wouldn't pay attention to the traffic going in and out of Mewtwo's Dungeon, but something about the manner of the visitor's entrance told Dave that these were no usual customers.  
As he expected, the two elderly women approached the counter, the both of them wearing faded tan overcoats over their pudgy bodies.  
"Hello, young man," the first woman greeted brusquely, gaining no attention whatsoever. Dave resumed watching TV, knowing those two were there, even on important notice! ".Excuse me, young man." she persisted, raising her voice,"EXCUSE ME!" "AAAH!" Dave shrieked,"Ida B. Wells cryogenically revived!!" "Could we have a word with you, young man!?" "Yeah," the second woman blared out as Dave stood behind the counter before them, artificially paying attention by staring right down at them with a bland facial expression. ".Do you believe in the comin' of the Lord Ho-oh?" ".Um." Dave scratched his head. Without allowing him to answer, the second woman drew out a brochure and approached,"Well, if you've read the Ecruteak Bible and all of the lessons it has taught us throughout our existence as human beings." ".And how we all benefit under the gracious mercy of the Lord and his providence," the other woman asked,"Young man, do you read the Bible?" Dave didn't catch the question. ".Do you read the Bible?" she repeated a bit harsher. "Yeah.the Software Bible." "Well, it's about time that you should," she replied disappointingly,"Because by subscribing to The Tower, which we are offering you today, you will receive 12 issues." "13," the other woman corrected. ".13 issues of the Tower; each issue brimming with life." "And the gracious mercy." ".Of the Lord."  
It would be beneficial to a man like him, but a dilemma arose in the back of his mind.  
"Nope, never heard of him!" Dave turned away from the old ladies.  
"Hang on, you," the woman tugged on his back pocket,"I know you."  
"No you don't. You never will."  
"Tell me your name."  
"My name is Neo."  
"TELL ME!" she grabbed ahold of Dave's vulnerable earlobe and pulled him in.  
".Alright, it's Dave! Are you happy already!?"  
Releasing him, she questioned further,"Haven't I given you our trial magazine to fill out? Where is our trial magazine?" Dave stood with his hands behind his back, uttering a nervous, toothy grin,"what trial?"  
"We gave you a trial magazine. Where is it?"  
"How'd you get this address?"  
"Where is it!?"  
"You know.uh." Dave came up with excuses,".I was filling it out at home, you see.and I came across where I had to put my social security number."  
The ladies looked him over sternly, detecting his lack of honesty.  
".And then, I received a urgent call from the U.S.S Enterprise."  
Finally removing her hands from behind her back, the woman flashed the magazine that she had forcefully given to him earlier that week.faded and torn. Dave winced.  
"We found this in your fireplace this Monday," she answered grimly.  
".Dude, how'd you get in my house!?" Dave backed up.  
"Some respect for us!" the old woman growled,"We offered you our gracious mercy, and you threw it away like yesterday's news!"  
".You guys are stalkers," Dave convicted with an erect index finger,"And I thought that it was the Lord's gargantuan.whatever."  
"GRACIOUS mercy," Dave was corrected.  
"How dare you defy us, you fat tub of Twinkie cream!" the other woman ridiculed,"You and your materialistic Poke-MAN cards and views.!"  
"HOLD IT," Dave argued back as if to make a point,"Before you go on and on about my body mass, why don't you go back to your doorstep-marketing monastery and pray or something."  
"What are you saying!? Why you flatulent."  
"Leave me alone!"  
"I don't think so!" she grabbed his wrist and squeezed hard.  
"Dude, you're everywhere," Dave fought the grip,"And your rings are digging into my skin and influencing unneeded pain."  
"I'm glad!" she stuck a finger at him,"Listen up, you naughty boy; why don't you not spend so much time lingering away here and accept our gracious."  
"The Lord's."  
".The Lord's gracious mercy!"  
"Why YOUR gracious mercy?" Dave argued,"The only mercy and blessings I get from you persistent trick-or-preachers are UN-style inspections for everything even with dismal amounts of un-holiness so that you can go targeting me for that."  
"We don't do that.!" the old woman grew furious,"You're the devil! You hear me!? BEEZLEBUB! The DEVIL-!!"  
"Brooke Burns.!" Dave ignored them, peering over his shoulders at the TV,".I'm missing Dog Eat Dog, dammit."  
  
Dylan wasn't in the greatest mood, even with his friend's departure. At that we made all of our preparations as quick as possible, trying to shrug off the fact that Dave would return at any minute to complain about our seating. That was because my mind was on the adventuring, battling and some of my favorite pokemon that I have often used during the course of the game. .And how I'd fare as a pokemon trainer actually carrying it all out in real life! "Skye.Skye!" Dan ran into me from behind by accident whine trying to maneuver through the tight isle of chairs. Burger followed close behind him, pinning him between me and him and preventing much of his mobility. "What?" I asked annoyingly. "Bend over." "WHAT!?" "Bend over, damn it!" I looked around at all of the card players in the store,"Why!?" "I dropped a lady finger around here somewhere," Dan scratched his head. "Aww, damn," I subsided to his orders, leaning down and peering through an intricate jungle of customer and chair legs. Meanwhile, Dan was slightly bent over me trying to look for the item he lost. By accident his stomach lurched into my tailbone.  
"Dan!" I cursed,"Back up!"  
"Uh." Dan complained,"Can't comply because of Burger's girth!"  
"Aw, Shuckles.Dan, what random intention did you have drawing out a firecracker in a public place anyway!? Huh?"  
"I traded my School I.D to some kid for it, Skye! I didn't want it to fall out; believe me!"  
Dan edged over and bumped into the back of an indulged card player's chair so that he turned around to see who disturbed him. When Dan waved back childishly, the boy then noticed the peculiar position the two of us were forced to be in. He issued a snicker to us, which drew more eyes to our little fiasco.  
"Dude, what the hell," Dylan hissed,"Is this retard rush hour or something?" "For that!? Oh brother, Dan; you could get 4 of those for a buck."  
"What the heck do you need a school I.D for anyway? Everyone knows who Danny Ultunno is!"  
".Because everyone knows you've approximately cut more Math classes than you've attended them!"  
"Sure! Now, did you find it yet? Dylan's being a real strain here."  
"Dude, I am NOT!"  
I bent over again (.) shortly before we had discovered just what Dan had lost: the cheap, red-striped explosive lie just under the chair.just out of my grip.  
"Gotcha!"  
"Good. Now stop trying to find my firecracker and find my firecracker already!"  
"Oh, shut up!" I laughed,"Why don't you try bending over your best friend and reaching a couple feet forwards? I'm sure you'd have a good time attempting to!"  
"Uh." Dylan shrugged with distain from the back.  
"Now, c'mon. Get it Skye!"  
"I am! Just a bit.closer."  
"Got it?"  
"No. Move forwards so I can reach it."  
".Ok. Got it?"  
"NO!"  
"You slacker!"  
"Bite me!"  
I thrust forwards with my fingers outstretched, desperately reaching for the bomb so that we could finally continue on with what we were doing. UP where Dan was, my sudden action made him topple onto my back, making everyone in the vicinity who was watching us start roaring with laughter. I felt his weight just as my head crashed into the back of a chair leg so that all of us hit the floor on our faces!  
"Dude, what's going on!?" Jill spotted us,"Ick."  
"Aww.Dan?" I asked.  
"Yeah?" Dan dizzily replied.  
"New rule.don't ever, ever, EVER bring any more small articles into a crowded zone. For our sake.got it?"  
"Yeah."  
".I mean, the bomb."  
"Damn."  
  
"Listen you.!!" the old woman warned with a hand still firmly wrenched around Dave's,"I've filed a restraining order.!"  
"Restraining? Geez, you couldn't even restrain a cooking spoon from your bratty kids."  
"Are you gonna buy our magazines or not!?" the second old woman blared out.  
"Shut your mouth, girl!" she snapped,"I've already got my hands on this wretch right now!"  
"Soon, someone's gonna have their hands on YOU," Dave snapped his fingers with a free hand. In mere seconds, A.J and Bobby jumped the snotty old ladies, throwing them to the ground and freeing Dave from their grip! They easily got them under control, dragging them out kicking and screaming. Dave followed behind, just out of reach of their flailing feet.  
"C'mon, you," A.J urged.  
"We'll get you to confess for this, you infidel!"  
"It's not like I don't believe in God or anything," Dave joked,"It's just that I don't believe the whole bit about using armed force to make people subscribe to corny packets in order to believe in God."  
"You lyin! You's lyin and you know it!"  
"YEAH!"  
"I know what you're planning!" Dave shouted,"You're gonna spread your influence to poor people like us with your stupid magazines so that we'll all go on with our lives being obsessed with making money off stupid magazines! And then when more of us start annoying the crap out of people by selling stupid magazines, it's gonna make even more people want to sell stupid magazines, and then it'll swallow Navia, and then the world, and then the Algol Star System."  
"LIAR!"  
"And you're gonna start stalking secluded card stores where people believe anything that's said to them! That's it! You guys are a bunch of Communists!"  
"No we're NOT! Card stores do the same thing, fool!"  
"Who's the materialists now, huh!?"  
"Stop it!"  
"Who's your DADD-EH!?"  
"I oughta spank you!"  
"Go on believing what you believe," Dave causally responded, standing by the now open door,"You guys go believe in being ordered by your priest or whatever into yanking people out of bed while I go believe in selling overpriced trading cards so that I can actually support my solo family and make my life work."  
".I hope that your children and the ones that come here will not desire to grow up throwing little Poke-MAN monsters at each other!"  
"People like YOU!"  
"I'm sure that they won't," Dave closed the interaction with sarcasm,"Bye now."  
With a quick shove, A.J and Bobby bounced the two women out the door, sending them toppling onto the sidewalk. Before they could barge back in, the two of them locked the door so that their entry was barred. The next passing minute dragged by before they left for good.  
  
"I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!" a dopey little kid cheered to Dan randomly.  
"Do you like living by yourself in an apartment lined with card- promotion posters?" Dan asked back,"Living off a diet based  
".I wanna be like Dave when I grow up!"  
"Oh-kay."  
"Dan, what are you doing." I asked as I detected a familiar presence after recovering from our little fiasco.  
The fun didn't stop there. Once again, my ears picked up Dylan's familiar squeal as we turned back to the inevitable: Dave again had Dylan by the back of his hoodie. But he wasn't just allowing his legs to dangle mere inches from the ground: he was gradually dragging him towards the back!  
"WHEEEEH!!"  
"With all this stolen seating commotion, where have you all been raised up til' now!?" Dave demanded,"An overcrowded ball park?"  
"Look." I got angry,"For the last time."  
"For the last time that you've made me excuse myself from today's episode of Navian Idol!" Dave was furiously but cleverly mocking us,".You had me missing out on some wicked visual cleavage, so you're all gonna PAY."  
"Pay!?" Jill whined,"Navia is a country of free speech! We as the customer, deserve the right of way!"  
"We're not socialists!" Jeff shouted.  
"Yeah!" Dylan added.  
"Well, you political dropouts, you've gone over the border in Mewtwo's Dungeon; in here, Ou-Gi-Oh players enlisting in tournaments deserve the right of way."  
  
Meanwhile, a nervous little boy waiting just near the cash register was receiving some comforting words from his father.  
"Duh-duh-duh-daddy.I'm.I'm nervous."  
"It'll be ok, Jimmy," the father replied,"Just politely ask the cashier if you can sell your Pokemon cards, then leave me to the negotiating. There's not much to it!"  
"Really?"  
"Don't fret, Jimmy; the people here are smart and respectful for their customers." In the background,"Get in the basement! NOW!"  
"No, dude! NO!!"  
"Get down there!!"  
"But dude, you're violating the 14th amendment!!"  
"But.Dad."  
"It's a card store, son. Whoever works here likes people who come in and sell them good Pokemon Cards.and then they pay you and they keep the cards, so that they can sell them to other people and continue to make themselves thrive. it's business, my boy."  
".They like me?"  
"After all, son, they like people like you! Now, go ask them about your cards."  
With an encouraging shove, the boy timidly approached Dave with his card binder. However, before he could utter a peep, Dave turned over the other shoulder and screamed abruptly,"SHUT UP!!"  
Talking over the fleeing, crying little boy, I hopelessly attempted peace by singing,"Why can't we be friends.why can't we be friends."  
"Why can't I be friends.with my TV for just one freakin' minute!?" Dave mumbled,".Oh man, I'm writhing in agony each second that my eyes are severed from me watching Spawn kill things on my Nintendo Gamecube in the most awesome-est way possible.and I really am on the verge of death!"  
"And so are WE!" Jill complained. "Why can't we be friends.?.Um.uh." "Skye, admit it!" Dan poked my ribs viciously,"You don't know te rest of that kinky song! Don't cha!? DON'T CHA!?" "Yeah, I don't." "Then stop singing it! The utterly stupid events occurring just now and a half hour ago is just enough!" Dave whipped the door open with one hand, while urging us down the stairs with the other. "How about this!?" Jeff begged,"Can we leave or something?" "Dude, no way am I leaving!!" Dylan cried snobishly,"I've sat through all of this crap and you think I'm just gonna LEAVE!!?" "You can leave," Dave smiled aggressively,".Through this door! Bye now!" Dave managed to shove Burger into all of us so that we tumbled down the stairs screaming and grunting rebelliously.except Dan, who forced his head through the ajar door ad bit down on Dave's thumb just as he was closing it. "Ah, son of a.!!" Dave shouted, slamming the door against his head until he finally gave in for good. 


	6. Pokemon Epics Gone Wrong

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. Period.  
  
Obstructed from the outside world, Skye has plunged into a role playing nightmare acted out by four of the strangest kids around. As he goes on his 'pretend' pokemon journey, Skye hopes that he will someday he will experience the real thing! Meanwhile, Dan finds out the hard way that nobody accepts him there.unless he puckers up to them!  
  
Just when will the two hopeless youths leave on their adventure? Now, onto the story!  
  
Pokemon Epics Gone Wrong  
  
"Oh, boy," I grumbled, regretting our new surroundings,"Here we are in the dank, damp, grungy, shady, crappy, mildew-ridden basement of Mewtwo's Dungeon. Whoopity, doo."  
Being the only ones down in the small, rectangular subterranean room, we viewed the piles of trading card advertisements, superhero poster boards and hobby promotions that have long witnessed their final days. The floor itself was adhesive with the aging soda pop and sewer water that had long seized control of it. Holes were punched in the dusty plaster, and I shivered as a Spinarak, a spider pokemon about the size of my head, skittered for a pile of garbage bags piled in the corner with the promotions. The only way we were able to daze endlessly at this sooty room was by a flickering, florescent tube-shaped bulb hanging from a rusty shade.  
".What are you being so cynical for, Skye!?" Dylan shaped up,"With a little fix-me-up, we can make this place our own, pimpin' super-secret club in no time! Look, we can jam a sound system back there.  
"With the moldy life-size Captain Kirk replica?" Jill remarked.  
".And man, we can put my Tv and NexBox in that little shelf."  
"Packed with that accumulated, five years worth of White Dwarf magazines?"  
".And wow.we can put a fridge over there for all those.uh.um."  
"All of those 2 liters with the inscrutable labels? We'll pass."  
"Why waste em?" Dylan shrugged, looking up at the ceiling,"With a proper electrician, we can jimmy-rig some serious RCS into this pad so we can watch the Pokemon League on my kick-ass big screen.and we can fit a disco ball up there too."  
"And wow, dude," Jeff approached the sea-green plastic table and chairs in the middle of the room,"Free chairs and stuff.uh, dude."  
Jeff withdrew his hand as he went to lean on the tables, and I watched in surprise that his hand SUNK a little ways right through the plastic material, leaving a handprint where we could see a harder material under it. All of us smelled the green powder that had smothered Jeff's hand, and immediately we fled for the opposite wall.except Dylan, who didn't give off a reaction since he was still pondering on and in about our secret base.  
"DAMN!!" I whined.  
"What is that crap on your fingers!?" Jill shouted.  
"Wow," Jeff smiled stupidly,"Feels like Silly Putty."  
"Jeff, you just left your handprint in a three-inch layer of accumulated mold," I gripped my stomach, which was churning at the thought,"See how the table LOOKS green!?"  
"Uh, dude," Jeff wiped his hands on his pants, leaving a moldy residue on them, then turned to a mound of mold that seemed bigger than the rest of the table,"I wonder what's in here.like woah, furry pizza."  
"Don't touch that Jeff. My god," I gasped.  
"It's not like I want to," Jeff left the smelly pizza box as it was, then scooped up a janitor's mop that was on the floor and commenced to scrubbing the table off. The rest of us found smaller brushes and contributed to Jeff's work.  
Meanwhile through our coughing and sputtering, Dylan continually expressed every single trail of his interior decoration ideas,"Ah, the lava lamp goes there.but.wait! Where are we gonna put the couch?"  
".WHAT!?" all of us screamed out in surprise.  
"While we have just discovered that the only purpose for a room like this is to establish a meeting place for the people from the Matrix to jack into." I joked,".Dylan over here is considering a job at Seaman's."  
The only reaction I got to that was a gallery of astonished faces, which were not having to do with me, but with Burger.who had just lifted a slice of the 'furry' pizza out of it's box.and put it right into his mouth. He licked his lips in delight as if nothing happened.  
"Like, dude.he ate the furry pizza!" Jeff choked.  
For five minutes straight: Stiff, astonished faces.  
".Gee, I wonder what happened to Dan?" I pondered.  
  
Upstairs.  
The playing table in the back of the store with the replica of a mountain range and a forest was in fact under siege at the moment by two advancing armies made up of futuristic space warriors, tanks and artillery and a wave of alien creatures.well, model armies.  
"For this turn." the real-life general of the space marine army whipped out a tape measure and laid it across the table,".I'm gonna have my foot units charge.and for the assault tank, I am going to move as normal speed and shoot at the stupid Lictor."  
"You can't see the Lictor!" the other kid laughed,"The Lictor is invisible! The Lictor is awesome! He owns the table!" "Oh yeah!? We'll see about that when I let loose a volley of super-awesome flesh-melting Plasma missiles!! Take this, Lictor!"  
"How many times did I tell you!? The Lictor's bio-ability lets him hide in the trees so you can't see him! But he can see you!"  
"Sure!" the other kid poked at the six-inch alien model sticking out of the undersized shrubbery,"I can see him perfectly fine!"  
"But he's camouflaged! It says in the rule book!"  
"Bio abilities only work on the turn that you declare them active! You already used the invisibility power!"  
Through the whole conflict, unaware to them was an unexpected visitor, who was kneeling right beside the table. The alien-controlling kid leered at the boy who was peering just over the surface of the table.  
"HI!" Dan replied in his hyper-annoying kid voice,"Whatcha DOIN!?"  
"Playing Blood-Gush-Die 4002!" the first kid replied happily.  
"Sounds like a great one for the kids," Dan laughed,"How do ya play!?"  
"I don't have time!"  
"You don't?" Dan fidgeted with the table,"Hey, where are the chance cards? Is there a free space on here? The spin dial, the spin dial!! Where do ya pass GO!?"  
"Hey, let that go!" the first kid wrenched a tank model out of Dan's quick little hands.  
"I wanted to use this one!"  
"What the, I'm in the middle of a GAME here!!" he clubbed Dan over the head with his fist rapidly until he went away.but before he could breathe a sigh of relief, Dan showed up on his opponent's side.  
"Shoo! Beat it!" he complained.  
"Wow! Have I seen these before?" Dan toyed with the alien models,"I thought Sigourney Weaver killed these guys off years ago!"  
"Wrong movie."  
"I'm wonderin: do they put little alien babies in people's stomachs? How do they reproduce? Do they pop out of the intestines, take over the brain, or do they prefer the Gremlin approach?"  
"You're spoiling my train of thought." he gripped his forehead,"You're plotting to overthrow my developing, winning strategy! You're gonna cast me into the poverty of loser-ness! Now, scram before I kill someone!"  
"Ok, ok." Dan sighed.  
  
".Whatever," I sighed,"I'm guessing he's harassing small children or something."  
"So." Dylan yanked out the character sheets,"Let's freakin' start already! How are you guys doing on that table?"  
"Ah, we're already on the chairs." Jeff and Jill were brushing the mold off of their seats, turning their faces away from the wafts of mildew dust that flew up from their cleaning. Burger stood in the corner, dropping rule books onto the clean areas of the table between picking his nose.  
"Dude, don't touch those with your booger-snot fingers, you slob! WHEEH!!" Dylan complained,"How about I take that furry pizza and put your face n it, huh!?"  
"Just how long can I stand it for." I hummed.  
  
".Hey, look!" Dan grinned up at the space marine kid,"I think I can help ya."  
"Yeah, sure," he looked up and away from him,"Just let me re-think my plan here."  
"I know!" Dan rose up and pointed at the tall model,"Kill that stupid Licker thing!"  
"It's LICTOR!!" their opponent corrected him.  
"Why does that make all of the difference!?" Dan complained,"Licker, Liquor, whatever. Just shoot at it or something!"  
"Uh."  
"In order to hit a camouflaged unit, you have to roll a D20 to hit, minus 15 for the visibility check, then minus 3 for the armor bonus.and minus one for the forest terrain!" their opponent shrugged,"Which means that you'd have to roll a natural twenty if you actually wanted to hit the Lictor! And I'd like to see you do that, chump!"  
"That Lictor's gonna kick my ass next turn.so."  
"Never play defensive!" Dan urged,"Defense is for pussies! Take a chance and roll it. Exit your comfort zone!"  
"But." the boy jiggled the dice in one hand.  
"Yeah!" Dan got worked up,"Show him your dice-rolling skill-age! Get the leprechaun to cream his pants! Step out there in the world and show all our forefathers and corporate people that you, as a free man, can kick some ass just by picking up that dice right there and scoring the big time!"  
"Ok." the opposing kid let his mouth hang open.  
"You have a 19 in twenty chance of making yourself look like a loser before dozens of lazy card-throwing kids (as if they care right now.) but with a one in twenty chance of erecting yourself in the Parthenon of Mewtwo's Dungeon lords and gods of awesome-ness, why give a flying poo about the nineteen and twenty?"  
".Alright! I'll do it!" he released the dice in a combination of determination and aggravation,"For awesomeness!"  
The dice deflected off of a fake mountain, rolling desperately for a place to rest. All three of it's onlookers peered at the surface for any signs of failure or success, mattering on who was considering the results. Dan's ally worked himself up when the dice tumbled into a fake tree, sending it crashing down upon one of their opponent's units.  
"C'mon."  
Gaining momentum off of a small hill, the dice soared up an inch off of the table's surface like a dirt bike on ESPN, scratching the surface of a tank so that it finally came to a solitary spot where it continued to frolic in a lengthily rotation. The whole table seemed to exhale with the breaths of the players as the number twenty showed it's face for them to see.  
".Wow." the roller of the dice breathed a sigh of relief.  
"See? What did I tell ya?" Dan elbowed him.  
"Wow." he repeated,"Natural twenty."  
".WHAT!? NOOO!!" their opponent cursed, defending the Lictor,"You weren't supposed to roll a twenty!! I can't let you do that!"  
"Sorry, bud," Dan joked,"The Lictor's DEAD; police autopsies reveal that the foreign being was filled to the top with sensationally toasty plasma shell flak."  
".Yeah! I killed him!"  
"No.NO! The Lictor OWNED!!"  
"Well, do you want me to break him so that I can convince you forcefully to make it mine?" Dan bragged, awaiting a response,".Nah, didn't think so."  
".Grr."  
Dan kept his arms folded for a few seconds, at last replying,"Are you gonna play fair and kick the Lictor over or do ya want me to do it for ya?"  
  
"I.won't!"  
"Why not, huh?"  
"There's.there's.!!" he frantically searched through a concealed rule book to try to come up with an excuse, however it being clear that he was fibbing,"There's a rule here!! It says that.Lictors have super carapace armor! It gives them a plus twenty defense bonus to artillery fire! It."  
"Plus twenty." Dan's friend pondered.  
".It." Dan frowned,".It does have super armor, doesn't it?"  
"Yeah! So you'd have to roll a forty, which is in this plane impossible to roll on a single D-20! So you LOSE!"  
"No I don't!" Dan got clever,"Well, if your stupid Lictor can withstand about ten gallons of liquidized photon energy, let's see how it can take the power of God's Finger Flick of Divine Proportions! Hi-YA!!"  
Suddenly, Dan ended his sentence by reaching across the table and slapping his index finger into the rob cage of the Lictor figurine, toppling onto a grave of fizzy model trees. The owner flipped.  
"HEY!!" he screamed,"I paid for that!!"  
"With your mom's money," Dan laughed,"OOOOH!! What did I tell ya?"  
"That the Lictor had super carapace armor!"  
"But didn't you see that I was JOKING?"  
"You can't just flick super carapace armor! Would you go up to a Lictor and shoot it with anti plasma? Or would you FLICK it!?"  
"REALITY CHECK," Dan put a finger into the air,"I'd flick it if it were an action figure just obeying the rules."  
"That was NOT in the rulebook!!"  
"IT DIED. GET OVER IT."  
"But."  
"."  
".But."  
Dan cut him off with a swish of his finger, patting his friend of the back,"Congrats on your roll, kid. Now, my undesired work here is done; I shall declare the outcome of the battle in your hands, and that the business of this pewter-man slaughterhouse is none of my damn business whatsoever.chow!"  
Once Dan walked away, the two boys peered at the back of his head with a pallid, disconcerted feeling overtaking them.  
"Weird." the both of them choked.  
  
"Ok." Dylan crossed his fingers, sitting at the end of the table as he prepared to start the game,"Jill, you're walking through the forest with your roster of pokemon at your side. It is about one, two o'clock in the afternoon, and the sun is beating over your head. You are sweating bullets, so you decide to look for some shade to cool off under."  
"HEEEY!!" Jeff shouted, digging through all of our backpacks in the background,"Where's the cherry soda!?"  
"It's in there," Dylan sighed off the distraction,"Anyway Jill, make a spot check."  
Jill rolled a dice in order to confirm that her character would notice something going on in the imaginary world that would eventually have to do with the plot. ".While you are reclining, another pokemon trainer shows up just a couple of feet from the tree. Take actions."  
"Ok," Jill replied in a corny voice,"DUUU-DE!! What cha doin'?"  
"Where's the cherry SODA!?" "Dude, you're a trainer! Let's fight!" Dylan acted the trainer's part out.  
"DYLLL-AN!!?"  
"Dude, quiet," Dylan argued,"The battle begins, Jill. Choose a pokemon to send out and roll initiative."  
"I'm gonna send out."  
"Do you guys want a SODA!?" Jeff shouted.  
"No." Dylan answered,"I'm DM-ming."  
"DM-ming?" I asked.  
"Skye, you and your amnesia, dammit.DM stands for Dungeon Master: I'm running the whole game here."  
"Oh yeah."  
"I didn't give you permission to talk yet, so wait your turn. Now, back to Jill."  
"Whatever. I'm sending out Grass-Type Shroomish."  
"You also rolled a 15," Dylan added,"So, you beat the trainer's pokemon seven since Shroomish has a +1 speed bonus. He has sent forth a ground-type Sandshrew. Take actions."  
"I'm going to attack with." Jill raised her fingers, peering through a rulebook,".Stun Spore."  
Jill rolled a 6-sided dice, landing on a four. Dylan rolled another dice and explained,"So, Shroomish does a J-Lo style hula dance, throwing a cloud of spores over the Sandshrew. Since he failed the Paralysis check, he is pretty much immobilized like an L.A rush hour. Now.he attempts to attack with scratch.fail! It's your turn, Jill."  
"I'd like a soda.but.!" Jeff kept screaming,"I can't find the SODA!! Where's the DAMN CHERRY SODA!!? It would help if you'd.!"  
"Zip it Jeff, I'm about to get to you," Dylan answered,"Now, for you Jill."  
".I'm gonna use.ABSORB."  
"Absorb is an accurate grass attack," Dylan answered,"It deals about thirty Grass-type damage and siphons 15 damage off of your HP. But in this case, the attack does double the amount that it would normally do since Sandshrew is a Ground Type, and that Ground types are weak to grass attacks.in that case, you suck Sandshrew dry of his vitality like a Wall Street journalist does to a Coffee Coolatta."  
"Did I win yet, did I win yet!?" Jill got excited.  
"Well."  
".Hey, I got the SODAS!" Jeff screamed,"Want a SODA!? DYLAN!? DYLAN!!"  
"Shut up dude, I'm trying to DM."  
"Can I take that as a YES!?"  
Without turning his head to Jeff in the background, Dylan continued to put him off until Jeff screamed,"Here's a SODA!!" pitching the can from under the table. Missing Dylan entirely, it struck me in the head and threw me off of my chair! Dylan still hadn't looked up yet.  
  
Dave was indulging himself on a meatball grinder while turning up the volume on his radio, which was playing Bare Naked Ladies music. Just as he lowered his can of soda, a male teenager with multicolored hair in gothic garb intercepted his line of sight. Dave remained frozen in place peering around the can with his eyes dimly locked on his new subject.  
"."  
".Like, dude, I can't PLAY cards," the kid complained in a somewhat British accent.  
"." Dave remains in place with no words to speak.  
"Dude, the music."  
".Hm?" Dave asked with a hum emitted from his lips, which were still glued to the aluminum so that it hummed.  
".It sucks. Change the station."  
"I'm not listening to the radio," Dave finally lowered the soda.but not his defenses.  
"Yeah you are."  
"If I were listening to the radio, it would me alive with the sounds of Pokemon battles, football games, all 90's weekends and fat radio talk show hosts farting on their girlfriends.but I'm listening to Bare Naked Ladies."  
"."  
".On a CD."  
"."  
"That's not radio now, is it?"  
"You want us to play pokemon card games here, but that unbelievably horrid music is making me not want to play pokemon card games."  
".Do ya? Well, there's an easy way to do it: How about you play pokemon card games and IGNORE the music."  
"But I can't do that.I have EARS."  
"Well, use em."  
"But I can't with these sucky beats."  
".Look. Who's store is it?"  
"It's ours. It's the people's power."  
"Look tie-dye head, it's mine. We are manipulating your spent funds in order to keep a roof over your head."  
"But who PAYS for the merchandise anyway? It's all OURS, you fool."  
"Want to play fool with me now, huh?" Dave got angry,"Well, fine then. I can fool around with you all day like that fruity hairdo of yours that you put so much time into."  
"You think you can beat the people!?"  
".Yeah! If I fooled the heck out of these pestering geeks, collectors and Jehovah's Witnesses, I think I can fool your Todd McFarlane- based generation. Any of you."  
"Shut up! Todd McFarlane is COOL!"  
"I know he is!" Dave added,"Spawn kicks so much butt.as much as you kick Bed Head gel in that overwhelmingly goofy hair of yours."  
"Goofy!?."  
"Yeah, like you referred to my music."  
"Play some SevenDust for crying out loud."  
"."  
".OR some NIN, Fear Factory or something. Something COOL. Not this bull."  
"Why should I?"  
"Because the people declare it."  
"Alright," Dave got worked up as he edged the radio closer,"If that's how you want to play, let's see if you can take as much of THESE beats as the amount of dog collars your family is wearing."  
For a minute Dave switched the radio to a heavy metal station, but just out of reach of pure reception. But just as the boy went to fix it, Dave swiped the radio and switched the station to a Polka.  
"Hey, do you like Polka? Huh?"  
"No.no.stop."  
"Hey, doesn't it give you the desire to wear checkered suspenders? Aren't you hungry for a fat kielbasa?"  
".No."  
"Wanna sing Polish bar songs?"  
"No.!!"  
"Hey now, try singing to this.(Dave switches to Spanish Tango.).ARIBA!! Hey amigo, it takes dos-e to tango."  
"Argh!"  
"Hey, senior lack big cahones to tango.cha cha, let's see big grande cahones cha cha to 'theeze' (Hip Hop music.) Yo homie, put yo hands up and yo' pants down!!"  
"Stop it.!!"  
".You in da' hood, homie, and yo gotsa watch yo' back, G., cuz X gonna bring it to ya."  
".I can't.let it.play!"  
The kid struggled over the counter in vain, just out of reach of the radio. Dave shoved him back and resumed the rap music,".C'mon, let's get it on.it's yo' birthday.let's get it on.it's yo' birthday."  
"No it ISN'T!!"  
".You look like a candy bar.looking like a movie star."  
".Grr."  
"Many men.many, many, many men."  
".!!"  
"Many men.like a change of music!" Dave spun around and switched the station to religious music,".And God sent Moses to find.the Promised Land."  
".WHAT!!?"  
".Flowing with milk and honey."  
"NOOOO!! TURN IT OFF!!"  
"God reaches out to those who reject Christian radio," Dave imitated a bishop of some kind,".And delivers them.to the Promised Land."  
"I don't want.the people don't.!!"  
".Like it when you curse God because nobody likes your hair!?"  
"Hey, when did this debate's subject become my."  
"And God said.let there be Pantene Plus for healthy hair treatment."  
"Stop it with the hair!!"  
".God made us free to do whatever.to train our pokemon and to tend our fields and harvests.to attend church on the Sabbath day.play with little kids.and to change the color of our hair."  
".I swear, one more thing about the."  
"Oh, the HEAVENS BE PRAISED!! HALLEUJAH!!! THANK YOU, A-LORD-A!! HALLELJAH!! IN GOD'S NAME, AMEN!!"  
"."  
".Mass involving the change in music is dismissed," Dave concluded,"And so is your lame hair style, you persistent anarchist."  
"The people.argh.the people demand that you change that music..right now!!"  
"You still rally the people, don't you?" Dave switched the radio off,"Ok then, let's see who has people power."  
Dave slowly rose from his stool and stood before the entire store, who had their eyes on the whole conflict.  
".How many of you lonely, thirty-year olds and younger like bare, naked ladies?"  
With that, all of the male population in the store lifted their hands up into the air to approve. Some guys had their tongues out of their mouths, others howled, and even some boys dropped their cards just to vote.  
  
Dan, who was in the back, grabbed the hand of one child who was oblivious to what Dave was coaxing them to vote on and lifted him high into the air. Though on the way down, his elbow caught on a Pokemon Model, making one of it's arms fall off. Dan fled the scene and hid under a nearby table.  
Realizing that he had been defeated, the rebellious boy backed off,"You fools! You turn traitorous to the people!!"  
"Guys like Bare Naked Ladies. End of story. Shut up and go away."  
"The revolution is HEAH!! Rally against the oppressive adults!!"  
"The adults that make you buy this stuff and keep you happy?"  
"NO!! You rule with an iron fist! You smite freedom!! YOU."  
Dave clapped his hands, and in seconds, A.J and Bobby got ahold of the boy and commenced to dragging him for the door.  
"You don't do anything wild, do YOU!?"  
"Well." Dave joked cleverly,".My dad went straight with a parrot for a while back in the day. I was wondering if you were my long, lost brother."  
"The hair jokes!! Enough!!"  
"Oh, sorry. Had to say it." "The revolution will overthrow you!"  
"With heavy British accents and Metallica music? Yeah, really."  
"Shut up! St. Anger is COOL!"  
  
"GOD SMITE THEE UNFORGIVEN!" Dave shouted with an outstretched finger.  
"No government! Destroy the political figure!" the twosome had his lower body out the door, and were slowly showing the resistor out to where he belonged,"Protest the fate of our nation!"  
".That's great; Alex Berkman loves you.now get out."  
"NOOOOOO!!"  
"Bye, bye." Dave laughed, switching the radio on,"And here's some Pokemon March music to get you all worked up.duh.duh duh duh DUHT!! Duh dee-dee-da-dee."  
The door slammed shut once he was pitched out onto the front walk.  
"Dude.you better.!!"  
  
"Dude you better.WAKE UP!" Dylan smacked Jeff with the soda can that had hit me before, making the dreary boy raise his head,"It your turn, retard."  
"Skye, are you OK?" Jill asked me.  
"Uh." I put one hand on my forehead, shrugging off a searing headache,".The music inspired by the cold impact of aluminum."  
".Dude, who's turn?"  
"What do you mean,'Dude, who's turn!? You think that I was talking to BURGER, you you dumb-as-a-D-10 piece of crap!?"  
Dylan belted Jeff with another empty soda can, making him whine helplessly. When he was finally coaxed into taking his turn, Dylan carried out the campaign again.  
"Now, let's see.here.ah, Jeff: you're in the middle of a pokemon battle yourself. You and another trainer managed to establish a meeting place somewhere in the outskirts of the same town that Jill and the others are heading. Now, his Murkrow just pecked your Gligar for ten damage. Currently, he has 94 hit points.choose an attack to hit him with."  
"Hmm.." Jeff sighed,".Hey, I got it!"  
"You finally got the fact that you are attacking this turn?" Dylan teased.  
"Yeah! I'm gonna use." Jeff outstretched both hands in front of him,"HAY-DOU-KEN POWER!!"  
Jeff's outbursts, although they always got our attention no doubt, this one was definitely an exception. It even got me awake for the minute: all of us threw Jeff degrading looks.  
".Um, no," Dylan answered,"Haydouken power doesn't exist in Pokemon Epics."  
"Yeah, I could!"  
"No you can't!"  
"I can use haydouken power!!"  
"Dude, what rule in the book says you can cast haydouken power!?"  
"You said Pokemon Epics is all about open-ended rules!!"  
"Well, not to this extent."  
".Yeah! That's what got me to play! Now, I'm gonna."  
"Ok, fine," Dylan got clever,"So, Gligar uses his all-powerful haydouken power."  
"Yayy!!" Jeff cheered, unaware of what he was about to face.  
".Which does absolutely nothing to the defending pokemon since.no crap, ground-type pokemon can't summon chi and launch it from their palms because this is NOT A FIGHTING GAME!!"  
"Aww.damn."  
"You wasted your turn using a stupid attack, so Murkrow is going to hit Gligar with Faint Attack.which does 29 damage, plus 10 more for a critical hit."  
"Haydouken power isn't stupid! Karate people can blow stuff up with it!"  
"Who told you that? The Street Fighter strategy guide that you've been reading for the last ten minutes!?"  
"There's a rule that'll let me do that!!" "Show me the rule then."  
"Show you? OK!"  
"Yeah, educate me. C'mon, I dare ya."  
"Rule book fight!!" they both declared as they drew themselves into an intricate argument that involved human morals, government rights, street fighter moves, declarations of independence and shoving player's manuals into each other's faces. Meanwhile, my imagination began to draw me away from my focus upon the game.and I pictured myself as a pokemon trainer in an imaginary world..  
  
Two kids were engaged in an intense Pokemon Card duel upstairs, unaware of the tuft of mahogany hair emerging itself from under the table as a shark's fin protrudes itself from the ocean's surface.  
"I'm gonna use my Switch card to retreat my Blast-TOIISE for free, then use a SUU-per potion to restore his 40 hit points!!"  
"AWW!!" his opponent cried.  
".I choose you, Kabutops, to ATTACK with SHARP SCYTHE!!"  
"I took thirty damage!"  
"Bam! Target your creature!!"  
Something about that line caught Dan's attention as he revealed himself from behind the boy that uttered it. As he eyed them stupidly, the two of them stared awkwardly back at him as this strange new boy was in some form of a stalemate.  
One of the boys took the initiative,"What are YOU looking at, DORRR- ky!?"  
".Oh, I was just watching.." Dan mislead the younger boys with a deceitful innocence,".Watching your card game.so how is it, cool?"  
".It better be cool."  
"If you say something about our cards, we're gonna get mad!"  
"I think it looks OK," Dan responded.  
"No, it's the coolest fad around, you dummy!"  
"Whaddya mean, OK!?" one of the children complained,"You don't think it's cool!?"  
"Well, it doesn't grab me, you know?"  
"Why doesn't it, huh!?"  
"Well, the thought of throwing pieces of expensive, sparkly cardboard with little pokemon on em' is just not my thing. And what are all those marble things you keep covering them up with!? Damage counters? C'mon, animals like being out in the sun and stuff.they like to be OUTSIDE."  
"Bats like caves!" one of the kids told him,"Not all animals like the sun."  
"MY point is.some guy probably got inspired to draw the picture on this card!" Dan flicked the counters off of the cards, sending them off the table and into other involved players,".You know, (flick) it's not really (flick) that cool to (flick) just plug up someone's hard work (flick) you know (flick)?"  
"What are you doing!?" they shouted, clumsily trying to gather the marbles.  
"You're gonna scratch em!!" ".(flick)I'm making the animals free!" Dan laughed,"You (flick) like to keep them behind cages of (flick) hurtful little pieces of glass (flick, flick)? You guys (flick) aren't nice to animals! You should be a little more (flick, flick) sympathetic.(flick)." "We're nice to our cards!"  
"Yeah we are! They're our pokemon!!"  
"Really? (flick) Not real ones. These things aren't worth anything compared to em."  
"Yeah they are!! They're all shiny and.hey, stop flicking our cards!!"  
"WHAM!!" Dan cheered,"Target your creature!!"  
"HEEEY!!"  
"Ok guys.roll a spot check."  
Jill groaned as the dice tumbled out of our palms.  
".You see a town up ahead."  
"Towns are pretty big.who would I not see one?" Jill complained.  
"As far as you're concerned, the four of you are meeting up in the town of Silverlake, where you'll have the honor of accepting your new assignment from the Pokemon Trainer's Society.so, all of you are together in town.you guys greet one another.now, say something," Dylan looked to us.  
".Uh." the four of us moaned, trying to show enthusiasm in acting out the roles of pretend characters,"Uh."  
"Hey, what up?" Jeff greeted.  
"Yeah.what up," I replied back.  
"Ok." Jill dragged her voice.  
"Roll a spot check."  
"Ok." all of us scooped up a dice and deposited onto the tabletop.  
".You see that you have cash."  
"I thought that we would've known that already, but ok." Jill sighed again.  
".You guys have some money in your pockets for winning Pokemon Duels," Dylan carried out the story,"..Together, you total your money up to 134 dollars. Do you guys desire to spend it on anything?"  
".FOOD!" Burger spoke up.  
"Incense sticks!" Jill added.  
".BEER!" Jeff shouted.  
"Skye?" Dylan poked my elbow, snapping me out of my trance,"Skye, dropped out of orbit yet?"  
"Yikes!" I gasped, trying to get back on topic,".Uh.girls."  
"Ooh, Skye's a pimp," Jill remarked. ".Girls, wow," Jeff responded, tapping my elbow,"So, where's the girls?" "They're coming, now hold your damn horses," Dylan continued,"so, you guys decide that you'll split up and buy supplies for your next journey." "Dude, the girls." ".there's the Pokemon Center, the Poke Mart, and then they're the." "The bar, dude," Jeff persisted,"IF I can go to the bar, I can find some girls, and dude, I can find girls and score with em! Yeah!!" "Yeah, sure." Jill drew back sarcastically,".Jeff, back off, you perv!" "So, Jill will go to the pokemon center with all of your pokemon." "But I need my pokemon to make the girls like me." Jeff sighed. ".Dude, RELAX!" Dylan slapped him over the head with his DM Guide,"You'll get your damn girls soon enough.God, you're a little horny today, aren't you!? Thanks for telegraphing him, Skye..but anyway, let's just jump to the game and say that we got just about everything that we need. So, we decide to go trot up to the Silverlake mansion, respectively named after the Silverlakes, who run the town, woot." "The long arm of the lawless DM," I giggled. "So, guys, take action." "Uh." all of us pondered. ".Are there any bushes for me to pee on?" Jeff shouted. "(Sigh.) It's not in the rulebook, but for the sake if it, what the hell. Roll a spot check, Jeff." "Dylan, the bush is right there.why do it?" Jill argued. Completely ignoring her, Dylan continued,"So, Jeff takes a leak on the shrubbery, scaring a Poochyena out from the back of it.and it attacks.JEFF!" "AH! Don't let it bite me!" Jeff whined,"I'll make Gligar fight it!"  
".Ok."  
"Wait a minute.you didn't even roll to see who the Poochyena would attack!"  
"So?"  
"You just made it attack me for no fair reason!!"  
"But dude, you peed on it's BUSH!"  
"I didn't try to! And if he was there, he deserved it!!"  
".You used your turn cussing at the Poochyena, so it runs right past your Gligar and headbutts you in the crotch, dealing 2D4 sub-duel critical damage.and.you lose 37 sub-duel hit points and three turns."  
"What!? No dude, I need those."  
"Sorry, dude."  
"But.but."  
"Would you prefer contending with Dave again or will you just sit there and SHUT UP!.God, dude, just play," Dylan shouted,"Perhaps something intelligent would happen if we replaced you with Dan.ok everyone, visualize it."  
"Uh." Jeff spaced out.  
A flashback occurred, as I envisioned a time earlier in the year when we were all circled around a table, playing an intense game of CandyLand.  
".Ok, I move to the next blue space," I flipped a card up from the deck,".Oh, a free shortcut through the gumdrop path! Score!"  
"Yeah, Skye's on fire!" Jill cheered,"Dylan, how are ya doing?"  
"I love CandyLand!" Dylan cursed sarcastically, throwing his card across the room,"You know, the cute little place that all the world's small children dream of, where they can frolic with little peppermint elves, forget about eating their vegetables, and converse with the old grandma who makes gingerbread cookies.Why, I can't get myself out of these @#$%ing chocolate marshes!!"  
"Don't fret!" Jill tried to calm him down.  
"Fret? Not just was I stuck here for the last fifteen turns flipping cards, but Lord Licorice kicked my ass for half the game, and Jeff beat me to the Ice Cream Ocean and won't stop wooing the Snow Cone fairy!"  
"Heh heh heh heh." Jeff stared blatantly at the board, chuckling,"Cool."  
"Jeff, you little creep!" Jill screamed,"Dude, she must be 10 years younger than you!"  
".Huh huh huh huh."  
"It's your turn anyway.and is that why you've been skipping the last ones!?"  
"." Dylan drew another card,"WHAT THE CRAP!!"  
"Hey! Who said you could go twice!?" everyone demanded.  
Let's just say that Dylan's 5 minute sentence was composed of improper vocabulary.  
"RELAX, DUDE!" Jill screamed.  
Dylan got so angry that he punched the game board right off of the table, throwing cards and pieces in random directions. Soon, everyone was frantically running around the basement, trying to recover them.  
".Dylan, your sister's gonna kill us!" Jill cried,"How could you do something retarded like that!?"  
"My THREE year old sister!?"  
".Well, your mom would stick up for her with a rolled up newspaper! WHY!?  
"Those chocolate marshes get me every single fricking time!" Dylan screamed.  
"So!?" Jill explained,"The whole game I kept drawing bad cards, so my piece was sitting three spaces from the start on the plum orchards.and do you see me complaining!?"  
".Hey." I informed,"Guys, we're three pieces short."  
"Where are they!?" Dylan demanded.  
"Well, I scanned the whole."  
"Shut up! Dude, just find them!!"  
".Wow!" I heard Dan laugh in the corner, as we all turned an about face. We spotted him holding one of the playing pieces, while his cheeks bulged as if something were in them.  
"Dan!?"  
".Why, these look so good!" Dan grinned, dangling one over his mouth,"Mmm, they're like little Pillsbury doughboys!! I think I'll let you come into my belly."  
"No!" we pleaded,"Dan, NO!"  
It was too late; Dan turned his head towards us so quickly, that the pieces in his mouth slipped down his throat,"Urp!"  
".Crap." We all sighed.  
An innocent, befuddled stare marked the start of a chaotic period; involving Dylan's mom wearing plastic gloves and Dan constantly visiting the upstairs bathroom. While Dylan's little sister was jumping on her older brother, they recovered the pieces again and cleaned them just in time before Dylan's little sister's bedtime activity.a warm, fuzzy game of Candy Land. She never and never will know. We'd never forget that day.  
  
I slipped back into the present,"..I think we should just keep Jeff."  
"YAY!!" Jeff cheered. ".Everyone make a spot check." "Uh.alright," we all tossed a dice.only I passed the check.  
As Dylan was about to speak, Jill clearly stated her arguing for once,"What are we making a spot check for?"  
"Uh."  
"C'mon! Tell us!"  
"Dude, I'm the DM, so sit tight and listen up, you."  
".This was the 15th spot check we've had in the last five minutes.and most of them were issued just so that we could notice someone that was standing right behind us!"  
"And.your point, dude!?"  
"What I'm saying is that if we're professionals, why do we have to bother with it anyway? Hey, we're in a room with a switch in it.roll a spot check. I mean, it's obvious to them, isn't it? We're not stupid or anything."  
All of us stared at Burger, who was making hand-prints in the moldy pizza and chuckling to himself. Once we were all finished with observing him, Jill finished her comment.  
".Well.."  
"I wanna do something, man," Jeff laughed,".Like, cool."  
"Dude, a Chihuahua just hit you in the nuts."  
"So?" "Screw you and the spot check then. While Jeff is keeled over screaming for his uncle, the Poochyena runs back to the owner.Lady Silverlake herself. She is being escorted by two angry-looking bodyguards. Take actions."  
".Uh." all of us pondered.  
Dylan hummed to himself while awaiting an answer.  
".Uh.hey," Jill grinned.  
"Wow! How'd you score that mansion from 50 cent!?" Jeff screamed frantically. Dylan responded by slapping him in the face with his book,"Ow.man, dude."  
"I told you, dude!" Dylan shouted,"You got hit in the crotch, so you lose your testosterone and the ability to do anything for the next three turns.and SPEECH is right in that category, you dumb sack of hammers..!!"  
While they were bickering, my mind waded itself into the imaginary world that was being unfolded before the lips of Dylan. There I was, beholding the beautiful lady Silverlake, peering into the endless, metallic pits of her eyes.while Jeff rolled around on the grass, wailing.as.  
"Dude.DUDE!" Dylan struck me on the forehead with his rulebook,"YOUR TURN!"  
"Wha.." I gasped.  
"Must've been the soda can concussion," Jill replied,".Just do something."  
"Yeah..so, we're looking for this.uh.um.this unicorn horn," I guessed,"That we were gonna.uh.kill this red dragon named Smaug with so that we could get the Sorcerer's Stone."  
"More like Sorcerer's Stoner!" Dylan screamed,"God, dude, PAY ATTENTION!"  
"Ok, I'm trying here."  
"I MEAN IT, DUDE! I stayed up all night putting this campaign together!!"  
"ALRIGHT!" I screamed.  
"So.let's try this again." Dylan gave me a signal for me to take action.  
".Do you know where the Dragon Fang is?"  
Dylan fell off of his chair as he raised another pestered scream.  
  
"Yee hee hee.my pool of darkness vanquishes THEE!!" a little boy wearing a black wizard cap shouted at a small boy after defeating him at a card game,"Go and cry, ye little pathetic trainer!!"  
As the little boy that he defeated ran away with a sob, a dark red wall of cotton intercepted his path. The crying little boy, pulling his eyes away from the stains he put on the wall, stared up at the teenager that he had run into. A teenager wearing a dark red hoodie.  
".So," Dan protected the boy,"You like to harass small children, don't ya?"  
"He just got in the way of my pool of darkness deck! Hee hee hee!!" the rude boy laughed,"Care to be in the way TOO!?"  
"Normally, harassing small children is what I eat for breakfast, but in this case." Dan rolled his sleeves up,"I don't like watching some Harry Potter dork do it for me. Prepare to get your cloak-wearing ass kicked!"  
"My pool of darkness swallows all other pokemon!" he pulled a deck of pokemon cards from his pocket,".And my dark pokemon cards'll swallow you TOO!!"  
Dan was red with shame, realizing that he wasn't challenging him to a real fight,"Oh.I see.well, your pool of darkness may be all dark and swallowing and stuff."  
The kid still had that smug on his face, while he clutched the deck with an outstretched hand. Dan was getting ideas as the time passed.  
".But I know the only way that it can be beaten."  
"Oh, REALLY, MORTAL!?"  
".Oh yeah," Dan chuckled,"Don't get me wrong, anyone can do it!"  
"Why don't ya show me!? The gods of darkness demand that you make your SACRIFICE!! HEE hee hee."  
"Taken some religion pills lately?" Dan joked,"Well, darkness has one weakness."  
"."  
"Want me to tell ya?"  
".My dark pokemon cards are waiting!"  
".If your super-duper dark pokemon can crush any card out there, then the only way to counter dark is with the light of God's Finger Flick of Divine Proportions! Hi-YA!!"  
WHACK! Dan raised his hand and with a flick of his index finger, sent all the cards of his deck flying in random directions! Before the bewildered boy could react, Dan readied his middle finger for another flick that landed square between the two lenses of his glasses!  
"You can't do that.!" he whined,"WHHHAAAH!!!"  
"Well, I don't see why you have any reason to be picking on little kids, you selfish brat," Dan laughed,"See, what did I tell you? It can beat anything."  
"I'm gonna make my mom beat you up!!"  
".Really? Sure," Dan threw him a coin,"Here, take a quarter; have some little British girl fix those glasses with some magic spells or something.(Dan turns quickly to the boy he had defended.) Hey, you better get going before I decide to pick on you next!"  
As the little boy ran off, a happy tear fell from his eye. Perhaps he found a new friend in someone.  
  
"So, everyone is invited into the mansion of Lady Silverlake, OK? Now.everyone make spot checks."  
"Again!?" we all let the dice tumble onto the surface of the table. Dylan peered over the numbers that we had rolled and turned back to his book.  
".And there, you see the butler."  
"OH..ok." everyone sighed as we collected our dice.  
"One question, dude," Jeff butted in,"If we're meeting Lady Silverlake, wouldn't she be in a CASTLE?"  
"What the hell, dude, shut up!" Dylan grumbled after a long silence,"Don't ask me anything, it was in the campaign section of the DM guide.seriously, don't ask. But what I was saying was that you see the butler, and he approaches you..take actions."  
"Carry on the campaign already!" Jeff laughed,"I wanna kick someone's ASS!"  
"DUDE!" Dylan shrieked,"But anyway, he offers you a cup of tea. Make spot checks."  
Everyone in the room grumbled as Dylan rebuked his request.  
".Ok, you all just take a cup of tea. Now, the butler explains that what you're drinking is a cup of Silverlake herbs, a rare spice that seems to grow on the Silverlake mountains of Silvershire of."  
"Wow, it's just a role-playing game, dude." Jill argued,"We're not on a whale watch here."  
"Jill. shut up. It was in the DM guide, so don't piss me off!" Dylan shrieked,"As you are drinking the tea, you are led upstairs by the butler to an elaborate table.where many pokemon trainers are seated here and there, some that you two (points to Jill and Jeff.) defeated in your travels yesterday. Now, as you look to the end of the table by the fireplace, roll a spot check."  
"Uh.you just told us to look there." we all sighed.  
".Oh, my bad. There, you see Lady Silverlake dressed in a beautiful mythril gown, her fingers, hands and breasts adorned with diamond and silver jewelry."  
"." Jill shuddered as anger overtook her. This was only a side of her anger that revealed itself when this came up,".Her.BREASTS!?!?"  
"WHOO-HOO!" Jeff screamed,"Breasts!! Something good happens!!"  
"What?" Dylan asked.  
"..Please call it chest."  
"Why? Breasts are." Dylan grew afraid, as he was her boyfriend and he knew about this,".Well, technically, in tantamount have the same meaning as a chest."  
"." Jill wasn't fazed.  
".But breasts are what a woman has, you see."  
"Call them a breast, then."  
"But women have two breasts, you see." Dylan explained what was wrong,".But we refer to them as knockers, jigglers, Yoo-Hoos or melons, and bountiful cornucopias.or even better, using pokemon as slang to refer to them, should I mention Jigglypuffers and Kangasknockers.well, we men. But trust me, breasts is the least invoking of all boobular vocabulary.as you being a feminist.Jill."  
"Yeah! Jill is a GIRL!!" Jeff screamed.  
".Breast can also be used to refer to chest, so use that." Jill negotiated.  
"Hey, Dylan!!" Jeff screamed,"Can I touch her boobs?"  
"Wha.?" Dylan appeared disgruntled.  
"Yeah! You said she was HOT! So I get to touch her boobs!"  
"Jeff, you.!" Jill grew enraged,"Dylan, you let him roll a charm check, I'm gonna come over there and kick you in your nether regions!"  
"." Dylan locked his gaze on her for a minute, then defied her entirely,".Ok Jeff, roll a charm check!"  
"Yeah, baby!!" Jeff grabbed two dice and went to roll them, but apparently, he was visualizing that those two dice were something else, so the end result involved us looking at him annoyingly while he fidgeted the dice in his palm. Unnerving, it was.  
Dylan finally swiped them from his unaware hands and declared,"If you can't stop visualizing it, I think I'm gonna have to do it for you.you bony little pervert."  
"Heh heh heh." Jeff giggled.  
".Uh..no," Dylan replied,"So, you flex your muscles, but see that there is only flab.so you sit down with the rest of the trainers feeling ashamed."  
"But dude, I didn't get to touch her boobs." Jeff whined as Jill traded her boyfriend a wink of approval.  
".Now, roll a spot check.(Dice roll, grumbles.).You see that some food has been served under your chins (More grumbles.) as you consume this quality delicacy.tender steak and corn drenched in sugar and butter."  
"Is it Green Giant corn!?" Jeff screamed,"Where's the Green Giant!?"  
"Dude."  
"You shouldn't buy non-Green Giant corn because those other guys want to be like it!" Jeff ranted on pointlessly,"It tastes like Styrofoam!!.Hey, can I try to touch her boobs again!?"  
"Roll a charm check then, you moron (Jeff rolls dice, Jill growls.) Obviously, your charisma doesn't make the check, so you fail miserably and lose a turn!"  
"But the rulebook doesn't say that!!"  
"Yes it does."  
"No!!! I won't stand for it!!"  
"Do you want to be kindly escorted upstairs?" Dylan asked,".Or I can get Dave to beat you senseless with a meatball grinder!"  
"." Jeff sighed, wiping away a tear.  
".I knew it. But the Lady brings up your next assignment; strange pokemon have been appearing all over Silverdale, leaving towns and cities in ruins and terrorizing countless people."  
"Wow.I've never heard of a pokemon that could do that!" I gasped,"IT sounds pretty dysfunctional."  
"They're called the Unown!" Dylan grinned,"They can recreate people's wishes into monstrous beings, and turn them against humanity."  
"The Unown don't do that." I scratched my head,"From those stories I heard about that girl Molly, totally not."  
"That's the thing, Skye," Dylan replied,".The Lady believes that even though the brutality displayed by the creatures seems to choose it's targets almost randomly, she thinks that someone could be responsible for the pokemon attacks." "But pokemon aren't naturally evil." Jill asked,"People make them that way, mattering how you train them." ".But that would apply and contradict naturally good as well," Dylan explained,"Whatever they are, the attacks are linked to an organization called Neo-Team Rocket.and the best trainers would have an opportunity to investigate just how well they're tied to these Unown and the creatures that they have sent upon the land." "I wanna touch her boobs, but is there anything in it for us.?" Jeff blatantly asked. ".Yes," Dylan replied. ".That involves touching her boobs?" Dylan paid no attention to him,".Now, she says that she would be in your debt if you brought whoever organized these strange incidents to their knees.and apparently, all of the best pokemon trainers have been gathered here on order to fulfill this task.but wait!" "Yes!" Jill got excited,"We.we.played a successful five minutes of Pokemon Epics.without any interruptions! Now, all we need to do is keep it up, and." ".Hold up! I wanna feel her rack!" Jeff blatantly screamed. ".Then roll a charm check!!" Dylan laughed, finding it rather entertaining for once. "ARGH!" Jill growled,"You horrible." "Alright!!" The dice landed face up, but with unexpected results, and Jeff winced. "Again, the check fails, proving once again that directing animal noises at women was never successful in the first place!" Dylan laughed,"So, you lose again." ".Aww." ".Another turn," Dylan smiled,"An assassin.I mean, suddenly, the chandelier rattles and everyone shoots their gaze up into the rafters of the hall.roll a spot check." "Wow, I totally saw that one coming," Jill sighed, releasing her dice. ".The Lady is the last to look upwards, backing up from her seat in such a sudden way that her boobs jiggle a bitsy." "We were doing so good, until this!!" Jill almost pounced onto her boyfriend, if it weren't for the soda can on her lap,".Until you and Jeff blew the morals of the game.!!" "Yeah!" Jeff cheered,"Shake, rattle or roll, I'm IN, BABY!! Charm CHECK!" "What did I just say!?" Dylan screamed,"Lossage of turns for YOU!" "I don't wanna miss any turns! I just want to touch her boobs!" "Not while I, as a woman, remain here.you will never get what you want!" Jill argued. ".Just one little touch." "Did everyone roll a spot check!?" Dylan asked,"If you did, or haven't, SHUT UP!" "Why do we if we know that the assassin is already up there!?" Jill turned away from arguing with Jeff for a moment. ".But those are the rules.he is up there, but you need to roll a spot check in order to actually see him." "You mentioned that an assassin was up there!" "Is the assassin a chick!?" Jeff screamed. "What's your point!?" "My point is that everything that you say applies to our existence in the Pokemon Epics world," Jill explained,".If you say that there is a trainer waiting before us, then we know. If you say that there is a city before us, or a marketplace, or a bush that Jeff can urinate on, it is all part of the plot to carry on the course of things. Your words are our awareness. But if you haven't told us, then obviously we haven't brought our attention to it yet. To not explain what is going on is to reveal that we are oblivious to what is going on behind the scenes. Hence, the DM." "." the only response that Jill received from her speech was a galley of astonished, confused faces and minds that were rarely exposed to interesting explanations. Burger, who had thrown a slice of moldy pizza onto the ceiling, looked up just in time as it fell onto his head. The slapping noise of the pizza hitting his forehead broke us out of the trance. ".Does she have boobs!?" Jeff asked out obscenely. "Uh." I moaned obliviously, trapped within my own trance. A tedious drop of drool edged itself just around the corner of my mouth.  
"The assassin grabs Lady Silverlake by the neck and threatens to cut her throat with a dagger that he had concealed up his sleeve! As all of the guests back away from the perpetrator, all of you rise from your seats as the Golbat swoops down upon..(dice roll.) the bat attacks JEFF! Golbat attacks with Spiral Dive.(dice roll.).Jeff takes 18 damage and.(rolls dice again.).Jeff is stunned for 2 rounds!"  
"What!? Dude, you're so abusing me!" Jeff protested.  
Dylan continued,"Everyone roll initiative.(everyone but I decides to roll.) Dude, wake up!"  
"That is so sexist, you pigs!" Jill screamed,"You had to make our contact some Bootylicious elf chick just so that you can squeeze her butt cheeks.you perverts!!"  
"HEY! I WANNA KICK THE GOLBAT'S ASS!!" Jeff screamed.  
"You lost your turn!"  
"I demand a plot change!!" Jill added.  
"Jill, you see here.JEFF!! Hey, I told you that."  
"I wanna roll a charm check!!"  
"Ok, here." Dylan tossed the dice while pushing a wind-milling Jill off of his shoulder,".No, that action counts as your loss of rounds, so you don't charm her.ok, Jill, back off."  
"You're not going to harass that poor lady!"  
"Why not!?" Jeff asked.  
"Because you are just adding to the perverted psyche of each and every fat guy present in this card store!! Eew, Burger, that's so gross!!"  
"Huh huh," neglected in the corner, Burger was throwing slices of the moldy pizza at the life-size Captain Kirk replica. Meanwhile, Dylan was throwing a fit trying to retain the order.  
Jill added,"I am going to attack the assassin with my Shroomish's Stun Spore ability.(rolls dice.)"  
"Success!" Dylan slapped the surface of his DM Guide,"The pollen flutters just over the head of the assailant, sending a shock through all of his nerves.(rolls dice.) he drops the knife and releases the Lady.."  
"He let her go!?" Jeff laughed,"Yeah, I wanna make out with her! Charm check!!"  
".God, stop making charm checks!" Dylan shouted.  
"Yeah, you sicko!" Jill responded,"I am going to smack him!!"  
"Really?" Dylan laughed so hard that the dice fell from his fingers,"Jill succeeds in landing a pimp slap right into Jeff's face.minus two hit points."  
"You hit me!?" Jeff argued back,"I'm gonna hit her back! I wanna hit Jill and make out with Lady Silverlake!! And kick something's ASS!!"  
"You're still disabled, you fool!" Dylan argued, frantically flipping through the pages when his eyes lit up with a brilliant plan,".But as the conflict goes on, the assassin retaliates by calling forth his Golbat's Supersonic attack.(rolls dice.) it succeeds upon each one of you except Skye."  
".Uh.." I sighed as I visualized the battle going on in the dining room, flinching as the imaginary Golbat drew closer with it's gaping jaws.suddenly, I sent forth a pokemon that appeared as a ghost type.which reflected the sound waves back at the creature.  
I gasped as Dylan recited everything that had just occurred; did I just express myself out loud?  
Forgetting that I had spoken of my actions that turn, Dylan replied,"Hey, did you hear that!? Skye's gonna use his ghost pokemon's psychic abilities to reflect the sonic waves back at the Golbat."  
"Huh?" I gasped, seeing that my unintentional plan had earned me some credited oohs and aahs. Awe directed towards me was few and far between during our get-togethers, but hey, it was well earned and it felt pretty good.  
Dylan rolled some dice to see if my plan would work. As they showed their faces, Dylan frowned shortly, shrugged, then announced with denial,".You didn't.it.well, the thing was, the plan was so cool, and now would be a good time for something exciting and awesome and all John Woo to happen."  
"Wow, really?" I asked.  
"Heck, we needed the charisma."  
"Hey! Dude, where's my charisma!?" Jeff shouted.  
"You still lost it trying to make Miss Silvie horny."  
"Aww."  
"Why would she flirt with a fat teenager anyway!? She's royalty, for crying out loud." Jill joked,"And look at his pimples."  
Dylan gave her an approving nod, although not leaving her a direct answer.  
The game continued,"Dudes, Skye's awesome pokemon skills bring order back to the skirmish, as Skye's Misdreavus reflects the sonic waves right back at the assassin and his Golbat.and the pokemon experiences a confusion check for the sonic waves.and, score! The assassin is frazzled by Golbat's unusual flying patterns.and the guests gasp and marvel the one and only Skye Grendhert, the awesome-ist pokemon trainer.."  
".Hey, I want to do something cool too!" Jeff added.  
"Too bad!" Dylan cut him off,"If you think that I'm gonna believe you, knowing that you just want to handle the lady's packages again, you must assume that I am an idiot. Hence, that won't be the case, and you can just sit down, shut up and take your lost turn like a man should!"  
"What happens next, Dylan!?" Jill cheered,"Wow, this game's gettin fun!"  
"Oh, believe me.it is," Dylan smirked,".Now, he cannot tell friend from foe here, so I have to give you all a number, including the lady and the assassin, to who the Golbat lunges for. Now, Jeff's 1."  
"Yeah!! Number one!" Jeff laughed.  
"Jill, you're two," Dylan continued,"Skye, you'll be three."  
"OK."  
".Jeff will be four.heh heh.." Dylan laughed slyly,"Burger will be five."  
"Huh huh huh.." The secluded Burger, remaining an overlooked mystery throughout the game, chuckled to himself while he flicked pizza crumbs at a Spinarak that had ascended onto the far end of the table. The spider pokemon leapt onto each crumb that Burger flicked at it, seemingly irritated.  
".The lady will be six. Seven can be the assassin, and eight and nine are two of the guests..and I might as well assign Jeff the remaining nine, ten, eleven and twelve on the dice.."  
"Wait a minute.." Jeff plotted to himself.  
"Hmm, so this is a D-20." Dylan scratched his chin,"OH well, let's give Jeff all the other numbers!!"  
".Aren't my chances of getting attacked by the bat a bit high?" Jeff wondered.  
"Oh, you didn't hear me say anything. Let's just assume that there is a slim chance that anything'll attack you. Now, the dice falls from the hands of the DM, the one and only god of tabletop games."  
".Oh." we all gasped, watching the dice fall to the table, teetering on one of it's edges before it came to a complete stop.  
".Golbat dives for the Lady!" Dylan screamed,"Skye thinks what has he done!?"  
"Out of all the people, the LADY!?" Jill screamed,"You.YOU SEXIST!! You benefit from the pain of GIRLS!?"  
"No.Jill," Dylan grinned,".Don't forget, because you're a girl, too."  
".Yeah.I guess.but still."  
"What you done made us a bunch of merry men!" Dylan shouted,"The Golbat latches onto the Lady, biting down on her."  
"No." we all gasped. Jill grew steadily more upset.  
".Her.her.whatever holds her gown together!!" Dylan laughed, fighting off a cussing Jill,"Now, we roll a stability check.and.and..Yes, YES!! Finally.!"  
"What!?" I shouted, realizing that the game was about to turn an awry corner.  
"A tearing sound is heard as one of the shoulder straps comes apart, revealing one of her.her, yes.yes.yes." Dylan shuddered,"Her fresh, ripe."  
"How.how." Jill pummeled Dylan senselessly,"YOU TRAITOR!! YOU chauvinistic little turncoat! YOU.YOU HORRIBLE..!!"  
"Wheee! Grocery shopping!!" Jeff laughed.  
I was utterly breathless. Was I imagining what was going on? Yes, but it was garbled and difficult to interpret, and I fell into a haze.I zoned out again amongst the confusion.  
"Can I roll a charm check!? Can I roll a charm check!?"  
"No, rolling fortitude saves.now!" Dylan threw everyone a dice, but I was the only one with whom the dice just deflected off of my forehead, but nobody really cared to notice. Jill refused the dice, continuing to pummel her boyfriend.  
"What are those for!?" Jeff asked.  
"You roll one when you encounter an intimidating pokemon." Dylan explained with a shaky voice,"Or you witness a pile of treasure.or.stunning beauty.yes."  
"."  
"It's how well you can hold yourself together.but the chances of you resisting it are entirely nil."  
"." Jeff was still fazed.  
".Let's say it'll be the only perfect circle you see in your lifetime!"  
"YAYY!!"  
".OR the hardest fist that'll ever be propelled at high, record speeds into one's face.!" Jill wound her arm back to strike Dylan with all of her force, but instead, she fell off of her chair face-first. She never rose after that.  
".My god.all of you failed the check." Dylan laughed,"Hee hee.while all of you are stunned by the sight of freshly exposed grapefruit, we can roll fortitude saves for the guests.and your pokemon."  
"Uh." Jill got to her feet, dazed.  
".Misdreavus is now foaming from the mouth." Dylan informed,"Ooh."  
"Why does this have to happen?" Jill simply stated out,"Why, the misery."  
"There's no pain in touching boobs!" Jeff laughed,"It's fun! You should try it!"  
"Heh," Dylan laughed back,"Yeah, sure.like a loser like you who sits in a card store all day playing imaginary role-playing games is gonna get it on with anyone!"  
"Hey.that sounds like someone I know." Jeff scratched his head.  
"Uh." Jill put her head onto the table. Burger lazily threw a ball of mold that landed right inside of her hood with a smile.  
".CHARM CHECK, NOW!!" Jeff screamed, throwing a dice. Instead of landing on the table, it struck me right in the naked eye.  
"Ahh!" I shouted just as Dylan's dice hit the table.  
"Why, Lady Silverlake is mine."  
"What.!" Jeff and Jill gasped.  
Jill intervened,".That was your plan all along, wasn't it!? To make out with an imaginary girl."  
"With power?" I asked out.  
".Hell yeah!" Dylan cheered,"If she was hot, and she was there, she was mine!"  
"No.she is not!" Jeff stood up against him.  
"Who says?"  
"ME!!"  
"I am the DM." Dylan stuck his chin out,"So far, that means that you are all inferior beings that are only pawns to the true story. The story was destined for me to grope Lady Silverlake."  
".Perv!" Jill went to choke Dylan, but he backhanded her off of the chair.  
".I'm.I'm." Jeff sobbed,"Gonna win Lady Silverlake!"  
"By what? Making pointless insults?" Dylan replied,"Because of my high charisma ratings, I get to roll three D20, while you get a measly one D4. There is no way you can beat me in a duel of wit and charm!"  
"Yeah! I can do it!"  
"With what odds against you?"  
".You're odd!"  
"I can say the same for you."  
"Then.I challenge you to a." Jeff got to his feet and put his fists up. Meanwhile, Dylan stood up and did the same, as the both of them shouted,"D10 BATTLE!!!"  
".Oh god, somebody save me." I sighed.  
"I'll roll for you!" Jill grabbed a dice off of the table,".But I'm rooting for Jeff!"  
"Yeah! I'm gonna kick his perverted ass!" Jeff laughed stupidly.  
"Try as you might.Lady Silverlake's pretty pink pearls for me to handle!"  
"But I'm gonna win em back and look cool!"  
"You couldn't even beat Halo on Legendary Mode, loser!!"  
"Two angry combatants in hoodies and poor come-on lines make up most of the composition of a D10 fight!!" Jill issued commentary,"In the left corner, you have Dylan, the master of role play and Mug root beer bonging! And in this corner is another table shark loser.JEFF!! Poor use of pokemon and making irrelevant sexual comments, not to mention the one that always catches it in the crotch!"  
"YAAY!!" Jeff cheered.  
"Roll for initiative.Dylan moves first with a quick jab." Jill rolled the dice,".And connects! Minus 10 of Jeff's HP!"  
"OW!" Jeff whined, returning a hook.  
".She rolls.and he misses!" Jill shouted,"Jeff's already missed his first shot, and with Dylan in the lead..he hits with a straight punch.minus 12 of Jeff's HP.just how can we count on the Jeff-ster for victory!?"  
"Take this!" Jeff kicked Dylan in the stomach.  
"Wheh!" Dylan squeaked.  
"Minus 15 HP fro Dylan! Could he be making a comeback!?"  
"You're supposed to get to a girl from the heart!" Jeff responded,"Not make vulgar remarks and slap her in the face for fun! I know yer gonna do that, and that's wrong!!"  
"An imaginary girl!?" I thought,"Now this is where they get their practices in.."  
".Wham! Dylan kicks Jeff in the stomach back.but he misses!" Jill continued,"Jeff steps backwards, performing a dodge check.he evades a hook from Dylan! The dice crashes down as Jeff comes back up for a counterblow..ooh! Minus 9 of Dylan's dwindling HP!"  
".You..you diprod!" Dylan complained.  
"Heh heh heh.yeah! Take it!"  
".My character is 10 levels higher than yours!"  
"That doesn't mean anything to me!"  
"That's why my punches hurt more! They're leveled up!"  
"Yeah, sure they are!"  
"Take this!"  
"I can take anything!!"  
"Can you, carrot top!?"  
"Yikes!" Jeff fled from the blow.  
"Could it be!?" Jill leaned forwards with a surprised look on her face,"Could he have been throwing the fight!? No, it couldn't be! Jeff failed the fortitude check.and now he hides behind someone that sticks up for him.Burger!?"  
"WHEEH!!" Dylan whined as Burger scooped him up by his hood and outstretched his arm so that he dangled uselessly as he flailed his arms and legs around in an attempt to be released.  
".No more," Burger sighed.  
"WHEEEH!! Behalf of the DM, I order you to let me go!"  
"Burger never lets go of a hot dog!" Jeff laughed,".Since he cares so much about food, he wouldn't put you down either!"  
"WHEEEH!! WHEEEEH!!"  
".Say you're sorry!"  
"WHEEH! NO!!"  
"Say it, now!"  
".Sorry," Burger scratched his head as if Dylan was weightless.  
"Wh.EEEEH!!"  
Jill rolled a dice,"Dylan manages to wriggle free from Burger's grasp!" "GRR! WHEH! WHEH!" Dylan threw aimless punches, but Burger leaned out of the way of all of them. "He's totally missing his target." " And as a retaliation action for his turn, he runs into Burger head first with his fists flying! Little by little, Burger's resilient fat repels most of the damage to a mere 2 points." Jill raised her arm to throw a dice, but once Dylan had shoved Burger into the wall, the impact of it made it fly out of her hand without her realizing it! Instead, it flew into my mouth and tumbled down my throat! Jill hadn't noticed, though, and picked up a new one.  
"Ow.!" Burger gasped as Dylan pinned him against the wall, his fists burying themselves into his stomach.  
"You never interfere within the DM's affairs, rules, games, or conflicts alone!" Dylan whined, syncopating each punch with a word".You.shall.not..defy.me!"  
"Yup," Burger nodded sleepily, I desperately tried to free the plastic object from my throat, but it was no use. No matter how much I writhed and groped, the effort was futile and it ended up somewhere in my stomach. ".Don't make me," Burger remained unaffected. ".Take this, you clumsy Big and Tall shopper!!" Dylan screamed. "Dylan jumps straight up with an uppercut.but wait!" Jill grew more and more excited,".Burger goes for the counter check.he succeeds! Dylan's little girl slaps are no match for the hulking Burger, as he plucks his victim up by the hoodie." "Wheeeh!!" Dylan shrieked childishly, flailing his arms and slapping Burger's cheeks at almost breakneck speed, the sounds of the impacts echoing off the cold, cement walls. Burger then put another hand under his stomach, raising Dylan over his head! Shifting his hands quickly enough, he then gradually began to spin him around in circles. "Could it be!? Burger's gonna throw Dylan like a pizza pie!" Jill joked in an Italian accent. "Dude! DUDE!!" Dylan screamed,"WHEEEEH!!"  
I coughed endlessly, still not believing the fact that I swallowed a dice.  
"Speaking in his Dylanic language, we can thoroughly translate that as." Jill imitated his facial expression as Burger whirled him around even faster,"Get me the hell off this thing.!!"  
"WHEEEH!!"  
".I think.we'll never know." Jill continued to comment,"Burger has enough momentum to propel him across the room! But which continent on the opposite hemisphere will he end up in!? We hope to God that he isn't directed into the country of Solid Brick Wall."  
"Ulp." I sighed, feeling the dice in my aching stomach.  
"Now, the dice roll.the one dice roll to rule them all." Jill grew suspenseful.  
Now spinning him so quickly to that as a blur, Burger finally released Dylan, sending him squealing through the air.face first into the pile of old, cardboard boxes in the corner! Jill ducked behind a chair as smaller boxes and Styrofoam chunks rained down on us. Whine I was keeled over feeling my stomach process the dice, a box nailed me in the back of the head,".Ow."  
"Yeah." Jeff emerged from under the table,".I.won.I WON!!"  
"But who did!?" Jill announced,"Burger did all of the work for you.."  
"But I won Lady Silverlake back!" Jeff grabbed the collar of Burger's hoodie,"I get to be a cool pokemon trainer.all to the thanks of my 'Summon Burger' ability!"  
Amidst the excitement, nobody but the reader heard Dylan utter,".That's.wheh.not in.the rulebook.wheh."  
"I can't believe it! I'm the awesomest pokemon trainer in the world!"  
"That's great that he persevered, but you didn't even use any pokemon during that fight.Jeff, you're not even a registered trainer."  
"Yeah.I am."  
"In the real world, we're still a bunch of losers."  
".But Lady Silverlake loves me.that's so great."  
".Getting a mouthful.of." Dylan arose from the crates, brushing off the dust and cobwebs,".old, processed, recycled Chinese newspapers.is so great! Isn't it!?"  
His sarcasm seemed garbled, but we figured that out once he spit out all of the Styrofoam bits that filled his mouth. Then, he pushed Burger aside to get to Jeff.  
"That's it." Dylan rolled his sleeves up,"It's your turn." ".But I deleted your life points!" Jeff replied. "But.you ostracized me of my DM rank!" Dylan grabbed the collar of his hoodie,"You demerited me to private peon-with-the-slice-of-pizza-with-the- level-one-character!!" "What are you talking about!?" Jill shrugged. "Hey! HEY!" Jeff congratulated him to get off topic,"You said a fancy vocabulary word!" "So!? What's so fascinating about that when I can see how you talk with your jaw in three pieces!?" As we wound his fist back, Jill caught sight of three Spinaraks that had clung to the back of his sweater, making her jump out of her chair,"Dylan! Eek! Spiders!!" "What.WHEEEEEH!!" he screamed, along with everyone as he ran frantically around the room in an attempt to shake the pokemon off. Circling the room, he bumped into Burger and reversed his direction. "EEEEEK!!" Jill screamed as Dylan approached her.  
"Get em off! Wheeh!!" Dylan whined, almost sitting on her lap,"Get em off!!"  
"EEEEK!!" Jill kicked him in the rear, throwing her boyfriend into the crate pile again. As he fell into the boxes, the spiders scurried off.all of us laughed playfully as Dylan recovered, nodding.  
".What time is it?" I blatantly asked.  
"I've got a watch, so let me see." Jill peered at her wrist, then her eyes shot open,"Wow! We've been down here for three hours!! That's a campaign record! We just beat our previous time!"  
"Really?" I asked,"What was the last record?"  
".Six and a half." "No.I meant how long the chairs that we've been sitting in have remained at a constant temperature!" Jill removed a thermometer from under her chair,".And that constant degree has risen by 6 and a half Fahrenheit.oh, these things are steaming!"  
"So that's how long we've been down here." I sighed out the expected answer,".Yeah.it's been an interesting experience.all of you.but."  
Dylan shouted to Burger, who obstructed him from getting to Jeff,"Burger, if you don't move aside the way of the DM, I'm gonna choke you with a double cheeseburger!"  
It seemed that Burger liked the sound of that.  
".No.with a condiment-free Boca burger!" Dylan finally succeeded in removing Burger from his path, sending him whining for the corner,"Now, for you, Jeff.I finally get to kick your."  
"Dude! Spider!" Jeff pointed to his shoulder.  
"Wha." Dylan turned around, only to find that he had been tricked. It was such a quick reflex that he spun off of his feet and smacked his forehead into a chair on the way down,"OW!!"  
"I should get going now.I have things to carry out in order to get my ACTUAL license.and Dan.I have no clue what he's doing."  
"So," Jill raised a dice and droped it onto the table,".Skye rolls a listen check."  
Suddenly, I heard a crashing noise and the slam of a door from the top of the stairwell, and I ran over wito everyone else to investigate. As on cue, I spotted Dan, pushing himself against the door as hard as he could while the shouts of angry people on the other side struck against it, trying to get to him.  
"Dude, you gotta help me," Dan said rapidly in one breath.  
"What did you get yourself into this time!?"  
"I.I made remarks about the Star Wars kid, and now hear those unhappy campers?" Dan panicked,"They're trying to beat me senseless with replica light sabers."  
"This is bad." I sighed,"This is all turning out bad."  
"I'm rolling a fortitude save for Dan!" Jill shouted,".Crap.he failed it!"  
"OW!!" Dan grunted as the door burst open, sending him tumbling down the stairs! Just as he was about to hit the wall head first, his head expanded like a balloon! The bouncy latex surface took the absorption of the impact against the wall.  
"What the."  
"DAN!" I screamed,"You're.  
"He's an alien!" Jeff screamed.  
"No I'm not!" Dan laughed after he landed safely onto his butt, removing the balloon that was shaped like his head and exposing his true face,"Gee, what did ya think of my Airbag Dan? Creepy, huh? Saves a life or two, you know."  
Unfortunately, the angry crowd had gotten halfway down the stairway, making my friends withdraw, while I stood there and watched with confused horror. "That kid!"  
"Hey! Why don't you try talking smack about Glenn now!?"  
"HA HA HA!!" Dan back defiantly.  
"He thinks that he's a loser!"  
"What should we do!? He thinks that his parents have no right to sue!"  
"He made jokes about his weapon too."  
"What do we do.you know what to do! Kill him!!"  
Dan was then bombarded by salvos of plastic spaceships,"Aah! Tie Fighters!!"  
Just as things seemed desperate, the scream of children came from upstairs,"EEEK!! My cards!"  
"That sounds like.." Dan scratched his head.  
"An excuse to get out of here and become a real pokemon trainer!" I laughed.  
"But how can we get through those people!?" Dylan pleaded.  
"They've got no right to obstruct us from something desperately.more important!" I replied,"Someone's in trouble, now, c'mon!"  
Allowing us to go through, the other card store inhabitants only left their last insults with Dan, as we emerged onto the main floor, we ran around hectically until we ran into three little kids, whom Dan had encountered earlier.  
"What? Who cried wolf here?" I asked. "They.they.!" one of them sobbed excessively, while the other completed his sentence.  
"Who!?" Jill added.  
"They took our cards!!"  
"My pool of darkness.!" the third kid complained over sopping eyes,".Has been taken by infidels!!"  
"!" Dan joked.  
"How could you say something like that!?" Jill growled,"Not just are they animals to us, but you men are a bunch of selfish cowards!"  
"Hey, quit it with the feminist acts of violence here!!" Dylan shouted.  
"Why should I!? I am SPEAKING OUT FOR THE WORLD HERE!!"  
"Then audition for the damn Flamingo Freedom Band or something.I'm sure they've got lots of open spaces for people like you."  
"WHY YOU.!!"  
"It's kinda funny watching you people argue about female pride, but doesn't the matter concern the cards!?" I broke up the fight,"And haven't you noticed the little hoodlum making for the door that we gave so much valuable time to!?"  
"That's it!" Dan threw his arms to his sides,"I've had enough of these dorks!"  
"Dan.I wouldn't." I gasped, peering at the angry mob that had chased him before. They extended the toy light sabers as a warning.  
".Thinking that they can get in with the world by confiscating valuable things from other dorks!!" Dan shouted,"Dorks like that kid who will eventually come out worshipping some pagan cult, and seizing the minds of small children! Dorks like that kid who would don a black robe and sing atheistic hymns and light red candles! Dorks like that kid who, like him, drained some poor snakes's vital fluids all over the forehead of a little boy before attempting to sacrifice him to some demonic superior being..!"  
"You watch too much DARK ANGEL!!" I screamed,"Now go get him already!!"  
"Hit it!" Dan snapped his finger, cuing Dave to pull out a boom box from behind the counter. As he hit a button on its surface, the Mentos jingle began to play.  
"Doo doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-WAHH!!"  
The boy in the hoodie looked over his shoulder and gasped as Dan did a front flip over a table where two kids were playing with miniatures.  
"It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life."  
"Go, DAN!!" Dylan cheered,"Kick his ass!"  
Ignoring us, Dan rolled under another table stood up so that he could pop a mint inot his mouth and smile. Everyone in the area though scolded him and pointed at the perpetrator getting away. With a surprised expression on his face, he lost his distraction and continued the chase.  
".Nothing gets to you, staying fresh, staying cool.with Mentos fresh and full of life!"  
The two old ladies, the British Goth kid and A.J randomly pointed at Dan with huge smiles stretched across their faces, while a man dropped a pizza on a little boy's head in order to do the same thing.  
"Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness."  
Dan wasn't running fast enough, so he deposited even more mints into his mouth and picked up speed. Meanwhile, the other boy was fumbling with the hefty door that led out of Mewtwo's Dungeon. It was all going in slow mo..  
".Dan!" all of us screamed,"The pokeball!! The pokeball!!"  
Turning around, Dan swiped a stray pokeball that was lying on a card table and faced his quarry. The door was halfway open.  
"Fresh goes better with Mentos."  
Winding his arm back, Dan hurled the pokeball with all of his strength; it forcefully connected against the bone that joins the skull and the top of the spine. The boy fell against the door, dropping the cards onto the doorstep.they disseminated onto the sidewalk, but they were there.  
".Fresh and full of life!"  
Suddenly, techno music blasted from the speakers of Dave's CD player as Dan literally emptied the entire package of mints into his mouth and slipped a pair of black shades onto his face. Someone else threw him a black overcoat.  
"Wow." we were all astonished.  
".He is.the One," someone replied in a deep voice. We turned around and saw that those words came from someone what looked and dressed like Lawrence Fishbourne.  
Dan scooped the ball up in a split second, while a pudgy man ran up to Dan from behind. He put his hands out, allowing Dan to put his right foot onto them. With a boost, Dan flew up into the air and retracted his legs.  
WHAM!! At the same time that some children held the door open, Dan jump-kicked the hoodlum right in the chest, sending him flying out through the doorway! Everyone grouped around the entrance to Mewtwo's Dungeon to observe; Some people in the front even spotted his unconscious body lying halfway across the parking lot.  
".Wow." one of the little boys commented as Dan brushed off the coat, and returned both that and the shades to their rightful owners.  
"Holy smokes!" the other boy shouted.  
".Heh, I targeted his creature," Dan laughed, then realizing that he had consumed an entire package of strong mints, so he gripped his throat and gasped,"Ah, cold, cold, COLD!!"  
"That was the coolest pool of darkness EVER!!" the third kid laughed, retrieving his cards with the rest of the children. Meanwhile, I met up with Dan; as he went to say something, I interrupted him.  
"Wait.!" I stopped him by pushing his shoulder,"We gotta pose!"  
We did an about face towards the crowd of people, sticking the peace sign with our fingers as someone shouted out,".Mentos, the freshmaker!" "Anyway, that was commendable." I commented after that brief moment,"Why don't you ever pull that Matrix-crap off in Ninjitsu class?"  
"Uh.I think it was the mints or something.Ow!" Dan choked up a white pellet, which tumbled onto the floor,"Skye, do you mind getting out of here now? I want to ditch this place before something else stupid happens.suppose."  
"Epic games decides to schedule their next Unreal Tournament here?"  
"Yeah.yeah! That's it!" I laughed stupidly,".Why don't we go outside?"  
".Sure!" Dan grinned,".Until these mints rupture my stomach wall."  
As we departed Mewtwo's Dungeon, we waved back to the crowd and went along on our way. The three children, who had reclaimed their cards earlier, turned away from pummeling the card-stealer. Minutes after our departure, the customers and employees turned their gazes over their shoulders, where a lone man with a machine gun had crashed through the roof. Others followed.  
  
"I'm telling you, Legendary Pokemon are speaking to me." "Yeah sure, Skye," Dan laughed,"Spacing out on us like Ashton Kutcher from a stoner flick is a sure get-go excuse for making us look like a bunch of idiots." "But I'm telling you the truth!" I claimed desperately,"That game that I was playing with Dylan and his friends involved pokemon battling! Immediately, something caught me in a trance, and the next minute those pokemon were there again!" "So what are you trying to tell me, huh?" "That I'm not being telepathically contacted by accident, that's what I'm trying to say!" "Oh great Skye, you're thinking of joining the Talbot gypsies, aren't you?" "Hey, it's Tyler again," I grinned, pointing into the distance at a shopping plaza, where I spotted our friend standing right across the street from us, which was like usual, bustling with traffic. Immediately, I went for the crosswalk. Dan though, instead, just walked across the street while I wasn't looking, with little or no concern for the oncoming cars whatsoever. I realized this once a couple car horns and screeching tires caught my eye.  
"C'mon, wussy!" Dan shouted after he greeted Tyler,"You gotta learn to J-Walk!"  
"Sorry Dan, I'm just not the Wall Street journalist type of crosser!"  
Once I safely got across, I immediately reunited myself with my pals and engaged in a usual friendly conversation.well, of their content.  
"We're gonna do shopping carts for this video, man!" Tyler butted in first,"But first, I gotta wait for Kevin's slow ass."  
"Why?" I asked,"He's got the camera?"  
"Nah," Tyler answered,"I ain't letting him borrow this thing even if he was face to face with a legendary pokemon! My dad would definitely rip me a new one.an he's also bringing Adam along for the fun!"  
"Adam's coming?" Dan cheered,"Yes, yes, YES!"  
".When he gets off the Magnet Train that's coming from New Briddan, we'll start rollin this thing," Tyler grinned,"It'll be awesome."  
"DKY awesome!" Dan added.  
"How long ago did Kevin leave for New Briddan?" I asked.  
"Ah, once you left for Mewtwo's nerd world," Tyler remarked in a naughty manner.  
"So, I guess it's been an hour," I smiled,"He'd be back any minute now."  
"For the time being, let's get set up," Tyler led us down a grassy hill towards a cluster of parked cars,"I ain't waiting for damn Kevin anymore. He'll just have to find us!"  
I was the last one to follow Dan and Tyler, because on the way between the vast jungle of cars and the shopping carriages was a flock of Taillows. These were small bird pokemon that looked like robins with pink chests and dark blue wings. Right now, they were interacting with a rival Pidgey, another bird pokemon, though chubbier, over something hidden in the grass.  
Then, I heard a bark from the distance as a trainer with a Poochyena, a gray husky-esque pokemon with a black muzzle and paws, crossed paths with a female trainer leading a pink bulldog called a Snubble. Immediately, both pokemon began to bark continuously and uncontrollably at each other, making their trainers uneasy while they struggled to get them under submission.afterwards, I saw a giant caterpillar called a Caterpie slowly edging itself up the rim of a streetlight.  
My mind had trailed off again!  
"Hey, he's doing it AGAIN!" Dan complained to Tyler while they watched from a distance.  
"Doing what? Standing there, stoned in one spot with a stupid expression glued on his face like some secluded orgy of Goth kids?"  
"Yeah." Dan answered,"Something like that. Hey, Skye! SKYE! Snap out of it, Skye!"  
HONK! An SUV searching for a parking place stopped right behind me and nailed the horn. That immediately brought me back into the physical state of mind.  
".Huh!?" I gasped out loud, heeding Dan's call,"Coming!"  
"You know, that habit of yours is beginning to tick me off." Dan protested.  
"Just some.luscious scenery," I made an excuse to side track him, but judging his facial expression, that just wasn't enough.  
"Here we go," Tyler removed a lone cart that was occupying part of a parking space,"Time to raise some hell."  
Once we had the cart a few feet out of the space, I looked over my shoulder and spotted a group of kids advancing down the hill energetically towards our direction! A closer observation revealed that it was Kevin, with Dylan, Jill, Jeff, and Burger.  
"WHEEEH!!" Dylan made his usual throat noise from a distance as all of them came together except Burger; he accidentally tripped and found himself rolling down the entire hill! Meanwhile we greeted, Burger reached the pavement and dizzily got to his feet, stumbling nauseously headfirst into a convertible.  
"Eew," Jeff gagged,"Regurgitated furry pizza." "Hey guys!" I grinned,"What's up?"  
"Adam got grounded!" Kevin answered,"Again."  
"Damn it!" Dan complained.  
".So I ran into Dylan and his friends here on the way back from the Magnet Train station.and they wanted to volunteer and stuff."  
"Dude!" Dylan begged Tyler,"Can we? Can we, dude?"  
"Yeah," Jeff added,"We're so bored, that we're too bored to waste away at Mewtwo's Dungeon playing Pokemon Epics."  
"Wow." Dan back talked while he nudged Tyler's ribs with his elbow,"That's a first timer!"  
"Huh huh huh," Burger eavesdropped with his dopey laugh,"Huh huh, huh huh."  
".Ah, what the heck," Tyler approved,"We'll need you guys."  
"Hooray!" all of them cheered with pride.  
".But I have a rule for newcomers!" Tyler stopped them with a raised finger,".They get the free trial privilege of being the guinea pigs!"  
".Dude!" Dylan claimed,"If anything happens to me, Elmwood Healthcare is gonna be pissed!"  
".Total suck-age!" Jeff added.  
"You're so not putting me in that position!" Jill whined, withdrawing from the proposal,"What an idiotic waste of time!"  
"C'mon, Jill!" Dylan convinced,"Dude, we're all doing this!"  
"But I'm NOT!"  
"Fine, you wuss," Dylan raised his chin,"Just don't run to Laura Lessinger when you find yourself not being invited to my next Pokemon Epic party."  
"Alright, enough yapping!" Tyler gave orders,"In the cart, you dorks!"  
"How mean." I sighed. 


	7. Matrix Style Shopping Cart Pokemon Battl...

Disclaimer: Yes, all of the cute pokemon critters mentioned were never created by the buffalo. The buffalo never made light either.  
  
From one irritating encounter to the next on their quest for their pokemon licenses, Skye and Dan'll have to cope with doing things.Viva la Bam style. But little does Skye know that he is about to come in contact with a legendary pokemon.  
  
Or two.or twenty-six.  
  
Matrix-Style Shopping Cart Pokemon Battles  
  
"Dude.dude," Dylan adjusted himself in the cart, trying to ask Kevin a question,"Dude!"  
"What!?" Kevin grumbled.  
"Dude, what the heck ever happened to the Pokemon Battles!?" Dylan whined,"You told me that this Crisis 350 video crap had to do with Pokemon Battles!"  
".That's what we call video editing," Kevin aimed the shopping carriage properly,"Though someday this could help us make footage where pokemon trainers do a whole bunch of flying Matrix crap while engaging in battles, I'm sorry to say that that's way out of our league for now."  
The rest of us watched from behind a pickup truck, where Kevin signaled Tyler to approach with the camera rolling.  
"Crisis 350, Matrix-style Shopping Cart Pokemon Battles, take 1.Action."  
"Dude."  
"So the only thing I can conclude this is keep your feet flat against the floor of the cart, so you can leap forwards once the cart hits the curb." Kevin instructed, then handing Dylan a poke ball,"Throw this before you hit the curb.that, keep your eyes peeled and remain alert."  
".C'mon, Dylan! You're cool!" Jeff encouraged.  
"But dude!" Dylan complained,"You're making this sound too easy! There's gotta be more to it.!"  
"Just shut up and do it!" Jill interrupted.  
"Yeah, sure Jill!" Dylan ranked back,"Um.reality check. Look. Who's the one in the cart that's about to get propelled face first into an unpleasant amount of asphalt!?"  
"You are, dunce!"  
"Then dude, keep YOUR mouth shut! At least appreciate the fact that you backed out of it like non-white actors who ditched Friends auditions! And at the worst, I'm doing this for free.!!"  
"This is definitely lagging," I sighed,"These music videos, they really are."  
"If only we had some real pokemon." Dan gritted his teeth.  
"If only for once we'd keep away from Jackass videos, we'd actually become decent pokemon trainers." "I'm sending you off!" Kevin was still fighting with Dylan,"You better NOT bail like your hissy-fit abundant girlfriend.and make that throw good!"  
"Dude, no!"  
"C'mon, man!"  
"Dude.NO!"  
"C'mon. It'll be awesome!"  
Dylan still remained stubborn.  
".I'll pay you."  
".Ok."  
Kevin immediately got a running start, while Dylan prepared for the meticulous stunt by squatting down so he could jump out in time. Picking up speed, the cart was now drawing further and further away from Kevin's grip.  
"No." Kevin cried sarcastically,"I'm letting go.I'm gonna leave you."  
"You're letting go!?" Dylan cursed back,"DUDE!?"  
"Hey, what am I, your mother going shopping while you were still in diapers? No.Dylan, NO!!" "Dude! DUUUDE!"  
"Relax, dice handler!" Kevin urged,"That kind of thinking is lethal enough to induce an explosive blood pressure! Simply jump and throw the pokeball when you feel a jerk."  
".But I.!!  
"It's easier than it looks!" Kevin shouted as his hands finally released the cart.now, Dylan was on his own!  
".DUUUUUUUUUUUDE!! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"  
"Oh crap," Dan commented,"Never send a nerd in a hoodie to do a stuntman's job; the results if you think about it are just ground- breaking."  
"Yeah, I guess if you put it in a stuntman director's point of view," I replied slyly,".True dat."  
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!!"  
"I'm catching every second of it!" Tyler cheered while Kevin joined his friend,"And every second is worth every cent in Crisis 350's slowly accumulating budget!"  
"Keep your mouth shut and keep your eye on the subject!" Kevin rubbed his hands together,"The effects that this could have on our newly appointed member Dylan could possibly impair his psychological and physical development! It could change the way he sees everything in the world! It could.!"  
BANG! A metallic clang occurred, and we all looked on as Dylan flew right out of the tumbling cart, screaming until he hit a patch of grass belly first and ceased his shouting. MY friend was still enduring a seizure when the cart came to a rest on it's side. The pokeball bounced a couple times in place before it began to roll away.  
".Inspire an unexpected boost in testosterone!" Kevin was stunned.  
"I thought you didn't want my commentary!" Tyler snapped.  
"Well, I didn't want to hear yours either!"  
"Shut up, dude! Your commentary is lame!"  
"No, YOU shut up! Are the lens even pointing the camera at Dylan!?"  
".Dammit!"  
".Deh.eh.Dude.!" Dylan coughed out as all of us migrated ourselves of our hiding place to the area he landed. I supported his head with one hand,".Eh.!"  
"Good job!" Kevin edged a ten dollar bill towards Dylan's nose,"Here's your pay!"  
"You're actually PAYING HIM!?" Tyler shouted,".The filming angle, it sucked! Dylan didn't jump high enough as he was required to, and his pokeball throw.sucks! No distance, NONE!"  
"That's all you're worrying about!?" I protested,"You nearly killed him!"  
".Here, Dylan! Right here, a fresh, crispy ten dollar bill waiting to be blown on rule books."  
When Dylan reached forwards with a shuddering hand, Kevin withdrew it in jest,"Not."  
"Huh huh huh!" Kevin added, elbowing Tyler.  
Dylan coughed loudly, glaring at the two mischievous troublemakers. Meanwhile, I continued to support him while Dan looked down at us.  
"You made it, Dylan!" I cheered,"That'll look awesome. Don't you feel so cool!?"  
"Eh.dude.that was.eh."  
".Skye, what are you doing to Dylan!?" Jill ran over with her fists up,"Oh, my precious Dylan! Is he hurting you!?"  
"Chill, Jill!" Jeff gave her a whack to the back,"He ain't doin nothin'!"  
"Eh.hold my hand.wheh." "Yeah, nothin'!" Jill leapt up and down,"Nothin' when he should be getting my boyfriend to the hospital!"  
".Hospital.what hospital!?" Tyler joked,"C'mon, we do this 24/7, and we don't need no medical treatment! And he should feel like that; this is his first time, and he'll be doing it over and over."  
"Dylan, we're gonna pull you up," I called Dan over while helping him out. Immediately, we had each of his arms over our shoulder for support. Dylan though still saw stars and was barely able to stand,"You OK? How was it?"  
"It was." Dylan's eyes immediately perked open,".Dude, that was.was.spiritually uplifting! Can I do it again, huh!? Can I, dude!?"  
"Now that's the Crisis 350 devotion we were looking for!" Kevin cheered,"Now, back to the carriage.here's your pokeball."  
"I don't think so!" Jill interceded.  
"Oh, stop milking him!" Tyler laughed,"What is he? Your little prince Harry?"  
".Dylan, you can't even stand!" I corrected him,"Maybe you should sit this one out."  
".Alright!" Dylan desperately hobbled to the cart, but accidentally tripped before Burger's feet just as he bent over and puked.  
  
Things from here went a little too fast to explain in detail, especially when you're usually watching most of the time. During this period though, I was desperately thinking with the two DKY-loving on issues on how to apply our music to these bizarrely random videos. After all, we had to do our best to make our band every pokemon trainer's favorite!  
Oh, there went Jeff again.Dan just shoved the cart right into a group of angry Pidgeys, who retaliated against the grounded Jeff with their beaks. Another clip we did included Tyler and Kevin throwing pokeballs at each other while colliding belly-first in mid air. More funny out takes included shopping cart races, the rountid Burger constantly trying to board a cart in vain, plenty of pokeball related contact, and even a certain clip where Tyler got a hold of the Poochyena roaming around earlier who became our first shopping cart-riding pokemon. And we even got Jill into the cart and sent her off.she got through it safely though and went after Dylan.they alternated their rage towards each other from then on.  
We just finished deporting Burger, who was only able to fit his rear end into the cart, with a handful of pokeballs. Just as we heard the tumble, clatter of pokeballs and the yelp for mercy, Tyler, who wasn't recording, prodded me in the shoulder for his attention without turning his back.  
"Hey, Skye. It's your turn!"  
"Mine!?" I gasped,"Me in the CART?"  
".Um.yup!" Tyler gave he his ebullient enthusiasm,"..But until then, you'll just be the lucky one to send some of these squealing little piggies to their doom with just a little push."  
"Well Tyler, I'll do it!"  
"Plus, since you don't see my concern for our friend's medical condition too often.we need our guitarist!"  
"So, who's getting pushed?" I asked,"Not Burger, right? He's too heavy!"  
"Excuses, excuses." Tyler replied,"Skye, you never did this before, did you? Just take hold of the cart and RUN, RUN, RUN!"  
I sighed,"But I."  
"Hey Skye, are you gonna wuss out on us like your friend Dylan!?" Tyler answered,"This is what happens when you hang around with those dweebs who only pretend to carry out a Pokemon training campaign.C'mon, Skye! Face reality! Use some of that kung-fu enhanced brawn!"  
"."  
"I've seen those awesome kicks that you can do.now, just pretend that.well, you're kicking them.uh.in the shopping carriage." "Oh, alright."  
Our friends lined up into a row so that Tyler could elect those next to go riding. Kevin rolled the film from behind Tyler while he made his choices.  
"Now listen up, you wussies!" Tyler demanded,"You think you're Pokemon Trainers yet, do YOU!?"  
".Yeah!" Jeff blared out bleakly.  
Tyler then stepped up to him and lashed back,"Talking back, huh!? Well, let's see how good of a trainer you REALLY are! To the cart!"  
"Oh, man."  
"Dan, you go with Jeff," Tyler dragged Dan by a chunk of his hoodie.  
".Oh, I really do!?" Dan grumbled,"Rats!"  
"Come on now, we're doing this for FUN!" Tyler encouraged playfully.  
".For the FUN of watching me be in pain!" Jill glared at Tyler evilly.  
"Oh quiet, you paranoid little baby," Tyler answered, picking his last participant,"And.I."  
".Really!?" Kevin asked, zooming into Tyler's face as he raised his hands to salute, hopping right into the cramped cart with Dan and Jeff,"Yeah, do it, Tyler!"  
"Yeah, do get your feet out of my groin!" Dan whined.  
"Ah, shut up. I'm the star of this show!" Tyler stood up with a pokeball in hand, increasing Dan's pain. "Dude, this sucks," Jeff trained off,"It's all packed! Can't I move in this thing?"  
"Just jump and throw the ball!" Tyler flailed his arms around,"How simple do I have to make it! Have no concern for your friends and just do it!"  
"You sure have no concern for my balls, do you!?" Dan protested again,"OW! You're doing that on purpose, aren't you!?"  
"Now, let's get this going!"  
"Crisis 350, Matrix-style Shopping Cart Pokemon Battles, take 32.Action."  
I slowly took hold of the sweat-covered, rough plastic cart handle, taking enough time to think clearly.I couldn't trail off this time, I repeated to myself extravagantly. My shoes found a grip somewhere on the parking lot concrete, and I looked around the three boys crammed into the cart to see where this thing was gonna go.  
".Skye, what's taking you!?" Tyler grew impatient,"A wait that long could save another space shuttle someday, but now's not the time!"  
"Calm down Tyler," I gritted my teeth,"I'm thinking."  
"We'll worry about the editing effects later, now let's roll."  
I began to push, but the combined weight of my three friends, the cart, and my unwillingness kept the thing anchored stubbornly to the ground. But still, I persisted without luck.  
"Aww, what's this supposed to be?" Tyler growled again,"The power of a relationship from Will and Grace?"  
"Yeah Skye, suck it up!" Dan added.  
"Look, I'm trying here!"  
"Well, hurry up!" Jeff complained,"I think I left my game pieces at Mewtwo's Dungeon!"  
"There he goes with it.again!" Dan sighed.  
Using some of my incredible leg strength, I managed to get the cart rolling, but barely. The front wheels only ended up getting snagged by a crack in the pavement, bringing it to a sudden halt.  
"Damn." I sighed,"My heart mustn't be into this one."  
".Geez, Skye," Tyler slammed a fist over Jeff's head,"An old man in a Volvo could push this thing a little more efficiently than you could. Now put some muscle into it!"  
"Why.?" I stood up,"I'm trying."  
"Because you're wasting precious film!" Tyler replied,"Now, let's make my twenty bucks worth that tape."  
"Alright.I can do it." I grinned, repeating,"I think I can.I think I can.!"  
".Look Skye, we don't need the tank-engine determination, ok!?"  
"Total cheap-age," Jeff giggled. "Tyler, I had it going too! Now, hush up and let me work my magic."  
I wound back, then sprung forwards with all of my combined strength and determination! As my hands connected, my welled-up power channeled through the cart.and in moments, all of us were flying forwards! The cart was moving at an incredible rate!  
"Man, I knew my self-esteem degrading remarks were just the thing!"  
"Sure did, Tyler,"Dan continued sarcastically,"Worked all but one thing.SKYE! Redirect this cart, quickly! It's not going for the curb."  
"I-I-I can't turn around!" Jeff got nervous,"Then where are we going!?"  
"Want me to describe it to you." Dan joked,"OR do you want me to change position so you can see for yourself?"  
"Skye, c'mon!" Tyler snapped his fingers rapidly before my eyes,"Skye, Skye! Skye, what's with the dazed Haley Jones Osment look!? SKYE!!?"  
"Let's face it.!" Dan turned his head away,"Skye's hopeless!"  
"SKYYYYE.!!" the scream gradually developed a creepy, bubbly tone to it as it faded away.the parking lot became a mere image that slipped itself somewhere into my mind. Everything around me went through a metamorphosis as I found myself levitating within the clouds. The earth below was luscious and green, brimming with life. The water vapor felt cool and refreshing against my skin, and the sunlight induced a warming feeling of internal peace.  
My vague state of mind, part two.  
Looking down, I was overjoyed to see some pokemon balls latched to my pant legs. With complete control and suave, in one motion I had the ball open, and there I was standing atop a giant purple moth of some kind.  
".Venomoth!" I let the words come right out,"To the heavens!"  
Facing forwards again, Venomoth flapped her great wings, carrying the both of us towards the barriers of space and time.  
Meanwhile in real life.  
"Hey, why's Skye acting like he's taking a sobriety test?" Tyler screamed out, watching me spin in circles with my arms outstretched,"Tell me Dan, is he autistic or something!?"  
"Ah," Dan panicked,".I don't think so. Sometimes, he's just really stupid."  
"Oh wow," Tyler remarked sarcastically,"That's a new concept."  
That voice.it was that blue pokemon spirit!  
"Hello, Skye."  
"Who are you?" I asked, keeping my balance aboard Venomoth,"What do you want this time?"  
The blue, canine-like spirit was now flying alongside me, her ribbon- like tails flapping with the breeze, that flowing mantle of fur rippling like a pool behind that diamond headdress.  
".Come to me, Skye Grendhert." she invited me in a seductive way,"Come on now."  
"Come?" I asked, bringing my fingers through my hair,"You want me to trust you? What do you want me to do?"  
".You are much more than you think you are, Skye," she answered,".I know that you are too young to understand, but that will come if you trust in me.now, don't be afraid."  
"Afraid.??" Venomoth jerked to the right, throwing my field of vision down so that I shrieked at the redoubtable altitude we were at,".I am.yes."  
"Don't give into fear, Skye," the spirit drew closer,".Conquer your fears, and you will reach heights you will never believe.your dreams will only come true if you step out and take a stand.challenge yourself, Skye."  
I replied with nothing but a squint of my eyes.  
".I will be here to help you.and so will your friends." she continued to preach,".Reach for the heavens Skye.reach with your friends."  
"Dude!" Jeff cried,"Where ARE we going!?"  
"Are you sure you want to know?" Dan asked.  
".Maybe not."  
"Ah, I'll tell you for kicks," Dan smiled,"We're heading straight for that small gate, over there. The gate should be small enough for the cart to hit, sending all of us flying head first into the river that's down the hill about a couple feet or so. It's not that deep, but all I know is that there are plenty of stones down under the surface to break a bone for two.How's that?"  
Jeff now was already trembling with fear.  
"Hey, don't blame me!" Dan laughed,"You told me to!"  
"But why did you tell me about the river!?" Jeff cried again,"Anything but a river!"  
"Thanks a lot, Dan!" Tyler finally acted up again,"Now he sounds like he needs his diaper changed."  
".Actually, a jock strap," Dan replied,"And so could I.HEY! That hurts! What are you doing!?"  
"I'm bailing!" Tyler chickened,"I'm BAILING!"  
"Bailing!?" Kevin shouted from a distance,"No way the great Tyler's chickening out on us! Could it be!? This will put Dylan in the spotlight if Tyler quits out of this.!"  
"You're leaving us!?" Dan cried,"Oh Tyler, don't ditch us!"  
"Screw it!" Tyler dropped the pokeball,"Sure the hell beats taking a dunk in that unpleasantly shallow stream we're about to plummet into!"  
  
"Believe, Skye Grendhert.believe you can."  
"I will!" I gasped, reaching for the pokemon's mane. Venomoth edged the side so that I could take hold of the slender creature.  
".That's it, Skye; believe in yourself!"  
"Yes.I am FREE!!" I screamed, letting my porous heart take in much joy.  
  
"I'M FREEEE!!!"  
"I'm free!?" Jeff sobbed,"No man, we ain't goin' anywhere but FORWARDS!"  
"Dan's free enough to get my earnest thoughts about our current guitarist he's got so much connections with," Tyler added, being vitriolic again,"Sure, free to find another band to go have a gig with."  
"I want to be free," Dan sighed,"Tyler, go find another person's nads to step on!"  
"I already did." Tyler glared at me from the distance.  
  
Believe and reach.! But a malicious power erupted somewhere in my soul, emotions of doubt and sadness! I misjudged my reach, tumbling right off of Venomoth! Screaming as I plummeted towards the earth, a feeling of torment began to pick away at my self esteem.I had meandered because of my own fear.  
Just before I hit the trees, the world changed again; another sky surrounded me, one corrupted by battleships and pollution, a red sky representing destruction and death! Smog-like clouds filled my eyes as spires of machinery forged only for war rushed past me, so fast I could barely comprehend what all of this meant.  
Everything went a lifeless, rotting green as my body plummeted into a vast, endless pool of some kind of jade substance. Once I was submerged, my soul was being enclosed by feelings of greed, dread and hatred. A feeling that made me want to kill.destroy.  
Everything went pitch black, leaving me in a dream-like purgatory.  
No, a nightmare!  
Then, strange, one-eyed pokemon that were shaped like letters of a strange cipher began to surround me! I screamed out in confusion as their single, piercing stares peered right into my soul. Encircled by these strange creatures, I gave into their power.  
  
"Dude.we're gonna go in!" Tyler panicked,"Any last words?" "Yeah," Jeff gave his opinion,"I wish I could see what the hell's going on, man!" "Here," Dan grabbed Tyler's foot,"If I twist Tyler's foot here, maybe he'll let me move so you can see our premature deaths.here we go.HUH!" "AAAAH!" Tyler screamed,"Damn it all! That HURT!" "Hey!" Dan screamed,"You asked for it!" "Asked for what? Asked for me to step on your vitals!? Then, here like you wanted." "OOOOOH!!" "That had to hurt." "Yeah Jeff. We gotta jump anyway, so I'm just getting my footing ready.oh, don't even think about it, Dan!" "Take this, Tyler!" "Twist my ankle and you'll be deader than disco, buddy!" "We'll all be dead, so it won't make a difference!" "Will it!?" Jeff panicked,"Just shut up and get to the screaming part so it can just be over with!" "Oh, fine," both of them sighed, before all three boys opened their mouths up wide to take in a breath,"AAAAAAHHHHH!!" CRASH! The carriage's front end hit the guardrail leading to the river, flipping it over and sending the threesome right over and out of sight with the carriage! Just as they disappeared from view, the angry Poochyena from before decided to exact it's revenge upon Tyler by leaping teeth-first right over the rail they had collided into, following Tyler's cussing. I was still entranced by my visions, careless and oblivious to those rushing past me to check on my three ailing friends without seeing what I was thinking about. But for some reason, I had no concern; my dreams had a firm grip on me, keeping me from being Skye Grendhert in reality. "Damn, Tyler!" Kevin screamed,"Are you.oh, I literally forgot; good for you that you didn't bail out of that one!" "AAAAAAAHHHGH!!" "You earned it, Tyler!" Jill laughed along. I reached for the sky again as reality slowly began to return to me. Dylan just finished chanting,"Ha, that's for not paying me, cheap ass!" when all of my friends supported the threesome while throwing me strange, mystified and enraged stares and body language.  
  
"Man, look what you did, you!" Dan stretched out his soaked hoodie,"You.you." "Relax," I sighed,"I'm sorry, Dan. The pokemon came again without warning.Truly you know that I wouldn't intend on doing that." "You idiot!" Dan continued to complain,"This sweater.now it's drenched with the worst type of water possible: Briddan water! It's more unsanitary than Mexico's! A coalesce of recycled fast food grease, auto part gasoline, engine oil and refinery waste! This thing's ruined now, look at it!" "I am looking at it," I smiled,"It looks like it took a dunk, that's all. A trip through the washing machine should get it back to normal in no time!" "In no time, Tyler's gonna bum rush our houses with a sawed-off shotgun," Dan continued to give me the wrong end of his attitude,"Forget about our roles in Crisis 350, man, now since you pretty much busted his head and the rest of ours with only about 2 feet of water and just enough submerged rocks and pebbles to break the fall."  
"Stop it, Dan!" I shouted back,"You'd do the same thing If you knew what I felt like.do you not know what it's like to have both a brother and a father walk out on you? Do you not consider what effects these nightmares are having upon me?"  
"Other than making you stupider than before.um, no," Dan answered,"Plus, you always give me that,'my family hates me,' crap that you always seem to hear on ET all the time.Oh, smooth move; my clothes smell like fuel! Maybe if I strike a match, I'll blow myself up and forget about all of this."  
"Oh, I wouldn't want you doing that on me, Dan," I growled,"Even of you said some pretty rotten things to me this afternoon.you know, let's see you lose some inspirational family members. Then you'll know what I feel like."  
Dan glared at me for awhile until he got the message that I had no desire for arguing with him anymore. Then, he let his eyelids fall heavy like the orange sun below the horizon,"Geez, Skye. Forget everything I just said."  
"Apology accepted," I grinned,"But Dan, not everything on you isn't ruined, is it?"  
"Well," Dan nodded,"I can get these jumping jacks replaced pretty easily. My wallet isn't on me at least.and other than that my.oops."  
"Huh?" I asked as a faint beeping went off somewhere in Dan's pocket!  
  
Before I could identify what was making that noise, Dan made a sudden retreat towards the back of the Poke Mart! Trying to know why Dan grew panicked and was scrambling in his pockets all of a sudden, I planned an immediate pursuit, but was unexpectedly cut short.not because of the car that swerved out of the way because of my proximity to the street.  
My lifelong rival, Tony, was advancing the curb that led to my street a little ways ahead. He had scruffy blonde hair, and he wore a large pair of shades, covering his eyes. He was about my size, but he was a lot chubbier than I was, that's for sure.  
As I promised before from the same location.  
Tony Blanche, everyone. I tried to work my way around him, but Tony persistently barricaded my way, his repulsive B.O repelling me away from him. By the look behind those glasses, Tony seemed to want to start another everyday problem with me.  
We leered at each other for a minute before he spoke first, showing off a set of teeth that was badly neglected in the brushing department,"Hey, reject! What's going on, Huh?"  
"I know what's going on," I answered back slyly, laughing at his spacious buck teeth,"It's your low hygiene, that's what's going on. You could make the entire Crust company staff hit the floor with those ugly teeth of yours.What did you shove between em' anyway? A chunk of the Berlin Wall?"  
".Hit the floor, huh!?" Tony drew closer with a furious stride,"Look, you. Once my dad gets me a pokemon license, I'll he having you kiss the floor, loser boy."  
"We'll see about that, Tony," I glared,"Why don't you get yourself out of my sight and get home.Isn't it time mommy told you to take a shower?"  
"I'll be using that stupid silver hair to polish my Tims!"  
"Let's see you try it."  
Then, I felt it; Tony landed a hard punch right into my stomach! I gasped as I staggered backwards, almost keeling over.  
"Uh." I wrapped an arm around my ribs to ease the pain,".Bastard."  
"Soon enough, I will!" Tony laughed,"While YOUR mom's baking pies and keeping you from a license, I'll be getting mine and leaving you to kiss my grits! You'll just be left here in boring ol' Elmwood while I'm out there, a famous and revered pokemon master!"  
".Or a notorious jerk."  
"Well, I've got some important matters to take care of before I start my adventure tomorrow.who cares about school anyway?" Tony nodded, continuing into town,"And most of all, who cares about YOU?"  
"Many people do, Tony!" I screamed,"My personal peanut gallery!"  
"Oh, so you need your mommy and that gunpowder-sniffing idiot you call Dan just to compare yourself to my level!!?" Tony slowed down,"You spoon-fed little momma's boy! Whatcha gonna do about it, Skye!? Keep kneeling over with your tail between your legs!?"  
I got to my feet and stood up to the bully,"I know what I'm gonna do, Tony, and I don't need your cruel remarks just to weigh me down."  
".Fine then," Tony laughed,"See you at the Navia League, sucker!"  
"I'll be there to make you look REAL bad."  
Tony ignored me while arrogantly striding down the street.  
  
"Bad like that set of teeth you could lose in a couple years!" I remarked, but he ignored me and walked on. What a jerk. Back when we were this wee-big, he'd harass me in elementary school, but later, fought back. We evolved from doing run-by stuffed animal shootings, to spitballs, and to the good ol' Baking Soda/ Vinegar film container bombs.Boy, we couldn't get along. And that was a fixed law.  
I stopped lamenting my existence, while getting across the street and behind the Poke Mart as soon as possible. There, Dan ran out from behind a rusty dumpster with a look of happy repletion on his face. But once I approached him a little more, he made eye contact and suddenly grew snotty.  
"What's wrong, Dan!?" I shouted,"What did you ditch me for!?"  
"My cellphone.I um." Dan scratched his head and rolled his head, while retaining some kind of bombastic attitude,".I forgot to tell you.um."  
"Let me guess.you got grounded for incinerating your bed sheets again, didn't you?"  
".I think," Dan seemed to be in a hurry now, slapping my hand,"But anyway, I gotta fly.my mom's kinda ticked about something and I don't feel like getting another long eulogy from my dad."  
"I swear you were overjoyed about something," I gritted my teeth,".Oh well, I ain't gonna dwell about your business. I'll catch you tomorrow, Dan."  
"Later!" Dan split shortly after he imitated throwing a pokeball. I imitated him before Dan finally was out of my sight for the day.  
Until the next morning.  
But what was really wrong with him?  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Skye, where have you been!?" Mom demanded an explanation.  
"You know, Mom," I grinned,"Hangin with Dan again. Heh heh."  
"He wasn't with Tyler again, was he!?" Mom interrogated, pointing a finger at me,"I better not catch you with those people, Skye! GOT IT!?"  
".Yeah!"  
"You better not lie to your mother!" mom suddenly giggled, but then replied sternly while watching a pot of boiling water,"Ever since I saw those two feed a flock of bird pokemon Alka Seltzer that day I was at the market, you know I want you to stay out of trouble, ok?"  
"Alright, mom," I sighed, holding back a fatigued giggle,"I already heard about the droppings incident more than enough. Let me go upstairs, and get this damn backpack off."  
"SKYE! Don't say that again! OR I will ground you from the bathroom for a week!"  
Feeling good for playing off such a splendid fib, I was striding confidently up the stairs towards my room just as my mom shouted for me again.  
"Hold on, just a minute!" Mom stopped me dead on the stairs. My foot wasn't entirely on some type of surface, so I lost my balance and tumbled down where I started.  
"UH, OH, OOW!" I growled,"Mom!"  
"Oh, Skye!" my mom slapped on a momentary sweet voice,"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah, mom," I chuckled,"Ok, ok.hey, enough kisses!"  
Mom's tender affection once again warped back to anger, starting with her facial expression.  
"I just got a message from Mr. Shoksman today," Mom stood firm with a long kitchen utensil in her hand,"And from the sound of it, it's probably not good."  
".You did..?" I grinned,"You don't intend on using that cooking spoon on me, do you?"  
"Don't even think about that PTL, Skye Grendhert," my mom scolded,"Because you're not getting one anytime soon, with grades like those!"  
"Grades!?" I gasped,"But that report card was from a month ago! You know I've taken action about it! Don't you, Mom?"  
"Don't fawn up to me with those lies!" my mom continued,"I want to know right now why you're blowing school off! You can't be doing this with such a bright, bright future ahead of you."  
".You still want to send me to the Thule Pokemon Trainers University, don't you!?" I defended myself,"All the kids in that school are such rude, ignorant penny-pinchers who stick their noses at everyone who's not rich like them!"  
"How can you make such insinuations about those people?" mom asked me,"The only time you were there was a school field trip."  
"Well, trust me," I leaned against the wall, scratching my head,"The trip sucked."  
"Sucked!? Skye, don't say 'sucked'."  
"Well, you'd think the same thing if you took a visit there and got ridiculed by the student pokemon trainers! Go ahead, take a trip down there! You'll see why I felt so rotten about going to that college."  
"Skye, you must make the most of your life!" Mom pleaded,"The University may not be all that you want it to be, but it's your only chance."  
"Chance to be what!?" I sighed,"A prick? You demand so much from me, mother."  
My mom loosened up all of a sudden, kneeling over and taking me into her arms. I lifelessly accepted her into my arms.  
"Skye, I.I'm."  
"Sorry?"  
"Yes, my son," my mom sobbed,"I don't mean to force it upon you, but."  
"What would the point of going into a school where nobody accepts you?"  
"I'm just concerned about your well being."  
I gradually broke away from my mom, barely able to comprehend what just came from her lips. My mom stared back up at me, adjusting the platinum hair from her eyes just as I did.  
"Well being?" my mom said cutely,"Of course, Skye. It's a mommy's job to be."  
"You don't understand how I want to learn to live on, mother.you just."  
".Your behavior.It reminds me of your brother."  
It was my mother's cell phone again, playing some type of uppity song I heard in a Pokemon Center one time. Mom immediately went for her purse, refusing to finish her sentence.  
"Oh, I got a call!" my mom pranced over like a little girl,"Oh, mommy's popular today!"  
"Can't you just let it go for once!?" I demanded,"You answer it so much, we have ample time to actually communicate with each other.Mom.Mom?"  
She continued to blabber away as I hopelessly trudged up the stairs to my room, so I could slump onto my bed and lament about everything that kept me from the desires of my dreams. The lack of connecting to my mother almost made me morosely loose all forms of hope that inspired me to go on a Pokemon Journey. Even these legendary pokemon.  
Damn cell phones.  
"I'm gonna be stuck here forever," I sighed, lying the Pichu doll right onto my pillow. Once I inserted the plastic baby bottle into its mouth, the eyes happily lit up, and the Pichu continued to coo as if he was satisfied.  
But there was something else I was hearing.  
That evil pulsing noise, like the droning of a jet plane far off in the horizon that made my heart and stomach curdle. It was generating from the closet again.  
"Could it be.?" I gasped,"Caling me.again.?"  
The Pichu was persistently signaling me to remove the bottle, but I was intrigued by the noise and drew myself towards the closet instead. Ripping the door open with the poster of a Doberman-like Houndour on the inside, I was face to face with the only evidence of my true father: a black, tattered headband that was at least six feet long. Wrinkled with age, the headband stretched out like a shoelace until it reached the end, where it seemed to be oddly folded. The headband had a circular, punched hole punctured right through both ends.  
This was it: a gift that that my father left for me when I was to come of age.  
How do I know this?  
I unwillingly reached for it, being the only source of what my father was truly like. As my fingers almost came into contact, my father's voice reverberated through my head!  
"Uh." I gasped, paralyzed.  
"Skye.my son."  
"Dad? Please don't." I cried.  
".I am so heartbroken that I had to leave you, my precious boy."  
".Why."  
".But my secretary has informed me that I must return to my Pokemon Research Company in Zodion, because we had just stumbled across something.something unexpected."  
".Don't leave me.I need you.Father."  
".Please understand this, Skye. I know you will grow up to be a very powerful pokemon trainer.the most powerful one I will ever know.but you are still so young."  
"Too young.I will."  
".But until you come of age, I have something that will aid you in your quest.this headband that I had excavated on one of my archeological quests."  
"."  
"I understand that you might be skeptical of it now, but once you prove yourself of it, it is a powerful relic that will aid you in your life.because."  
".Because of what? I don't understand.father."  
".You yourself are much more than you think, Skye. You were born for a special reason.you are unique, my boy. That headband will help you channel into your soul to discover the meanings of your desires.your dreams and visions.your nightmares."  
"The answer to everything."  
".Yes, it is all contained within, Skye. But until you come of age, I advise you to conceal it until it truly calls you.it will.do not touch it. With it also comes evil.an ancient evil that can curse those unprepared for their fate."  
"My fate.is sealed?"  
".Embrace it's power when it needs you, Skye. It is my best connection to you. I promise you that I will return, but you will be out there on your own until then. Also, Skye, listen to your brother.I haven't given him this covenant yet, but he will guide you until I return."  
"My brother.where is he.? I want to see his face.who is he?"  
".But beware Skye. Evil is returning to the world, and this sudden report I have received may have to do with it. Please understand, Skye.I love you very much. My time had run out, but keep me close in your dreams."  
"I will, father.I will find you!" I was returning to reality just as the darkness surrounding me began to dissipate, leaving me staring back at the headband again, my arm outstretched towards it.  
The legendary pokemon that began to speak to me a few years ago.that must mean I am ready.ready to experience the power! The power.  
My hand was gripped firmly around the headband. But from there, a sudden jolt ran through my body, as if I subjected a hapless index finger into an electrical plug!  
"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AHHHH!!" I screamed, experiencing a seizure of epic proportions,"UUUHHHH.H-H-H-H."  
"Skye!?" my mom screamed from downstairs,"What's going on up there!? Skye, answer me!"  
"NOOOO." I maliciously hissed through my teeth, as my body went rigid. Like I was being manipulated like a puppet, I lumbered towards the window, throwing open the screen. The sun had disappeared entirely, leaving behind a silent, star-filled night sky.  
My eyes rolled back into my head as the silver moon above me turned a malignant blood red, signaling the appearance of a bright green star tat I've always seen in my dreams; one that was always shown at the zenith, right above, looking down upon me! It shines down with a light filled with agony, pain and a lust to slaughter.  
Would it ever go away? Why was it there, always there to torment me?  
".TAKE ME! TAKE ME NOOOOOWW!!" I cried up as if I was worshipping it as a god.  
Things returned to normal as my eyes rolled back into place, reality reeling me in once again. My sudden change of dimensions also sapped me of all of my energy, and I collapsed onto my bed just as my mother burst through the door and seated herself on my bed before I fell into her embrace.  
"Father." I exhaled hopelessly,"Brother.why weren't you there for me.?"  
"Oh, you poor thing," my mom cried,"I forgot how much your father desired you to be a pokemon master.but I never thought of the impact that his disappearance had on you would be so intense."  
"Mom.I love you." I cooed.  
"I love you too, dear," mom stroked my head,".Skye, I have come up with something."  
"No, not the Thule." I cuddled the mechanical Pichu with the other arm.  
".I hear you have exams before the end of the school year," mom proposed,"If you were to study up and do good on those, that would be solid proof that you are ready to confront the world.as a Pokemon Trainer."  
".REALLY!?" I must've looked so stupid with such an ebullient smile, but through my sudden revelation, I didn't even care what I looked like! But actually, I cared for something else because I accidentally flung the mechanical Pichu right through the open window.  
"PI-CHUUU~!"  
"Yes," mom continued,"Your father always desired that you would face your life head-on as he did.and I actually agree with him, Skye."  
"I know," I grinned,"My father may have left, but he is still a good man. I know it."  
"A very distinguished Pokemon Researcher, that's what he was," mom continued,"And yes, he was also overly obsessed with Religion, and what actually created or brought pokemon here.,.something like that I can barely remember."  
"Religion and Pokemon."  
".You look like you could use an early nap," Mom informed, kissing me on the cheek,"But Skye, that PTL will be yours if you work for it! And if you can study, know that your father will be proud to know that you are determined to train Pokemon."  
"I am willing." I grinned back.  
".Hope you are willing to get whatever that was you just threw out the window there," Mom giggled,".Dinner will be ready in a half hour."  
"Ok, mom," I smiled,"Thanks."  
"I love you."  
Once mom had the door shut, I immediately stumbled over to the window to see where my Pichu doll had landed. Just as I saw him submerged within one of our garbage cans, that same one teetered over, spilling out all of it's contents, including the face-up doll, which peered back up at me emotionlessly. My mom let out a shriek of surprise.  
".Oops," I gasped, closing the window and heading downstairs.  
  
Later that night I lie face up in bed, peering up at the bland ceiling while trying to recall all that happened today. It was about midnight and my mother was already in bed, like I was supposed to be, but I was to much in a meditating, deep thought.  
Why was Dan acting so strange? Was he excited or nervous about something? As far as I could notice, it seemed to be a combination of both.but this had to be caused by something.  
.What would happen if I flunked the end of the year exams? I'd be the laughing stock of the school if the only reason I couldn't be granted a Pokemon license was because of my mom trying to keep e from experiencing the barbarism of the real world! What a wuss I'd become!  
Especially Tony! I couldn't stop thinking about what his face would look like when he'd overhear the gossip.Skye the pussy. How degrading.  
But most of all was the last words of my father contained within the headband.obviously they all had to do with departure, but what did he really leave for? Had he discovered something new about the origins of Legendary pokemon? After all, that was what most Pokemon Professors were usually looking for.but there was something ambitious, powerful and lustful about the way my father strived for his research.  
When would I get over all of it?  
Suddenly, a faint childish laugh echoed through my head, telling me to turn my gaze to the window.but there was nothing there.  
Never mind. Just another one of these endless mind games.  
Face it, something would tell me; your father is gone! He'll never be there to guide you! You're hopeless! You'll never become a Pokemon Master, like he desired you to be!  
But no, I had to try.not try, DO! I had to do everything to achieve what I desired! It was what I devoted all my life into.into.  
That crystalline, childish giggling had returned, but this time, it was within more than my head.it was all throughout my room and the silent night.  
Suddenly, the whole neighborhood was shrouded within an inscrutable, malignant darkness! A darkness that not even an eclipse could emulate; a darkness that entered the very soul itself.  
Faintly, I withstood my own doubt and let my only desire tumble right out of my mouth, eyes remaining pasted in one position.  
".I wish I could be a Pokemon Master."  
Just as I said this, the darkness gradually began to dissipate, though it was still hard to see with only the moonlight coming through toe window.and a scattered slew of spotlight-like eyes peering at me through the window.  
"What the heck!?" I sprung up from my bed to look my strange observers over.as from my visions back when I was pushing shopping carts with Tyler and the others, it was those letter-like pokemon that were circling me before! They hovered right at eye level, and it immediately became clear to me what the source of all that maniacal laughing was.  
"UUUU-NNNN!"  
"HE HEEE HA."  
"SKYEEEEE.!"  
"SKYYY.EEE!"  
"You.!" I shouted,"You're the ones who are bringing me all these unnecessary visions, aren't you!?"  
"UUUUUUNNN-OWWWN." the entire group of them eerily hummed in unison, circling within each other like a flock of bats, gradually picking up speed.  
"Answer me, damn it!" I shouted.  
"UUUUUUNNN-OWWWWN." the strange pokemon went on as if they never heard one word that came out of my mouth, though they didn't resume this for too long. Seeing that I was particularly vexed, they aligned themselves so that they were spelling something.  
".What does it say.?" I asked as the letter pokemon finally made it clear,".That's .that's my name!"  
"Skye!" they chanted, swirling around again,"SKYE, SKYE, SKYE!"  
"I'll never forgive you for this!" I shouted,"You're not making me experience any more visions! Now, let's settle it!"  
The letters backed off a bit, ceasing their giggling and batting their eyelids at me. Before I could comprehend anymore from them, they finally turned towards the moon and flew away into the night.  
"HEY!" I screamed,"Where ya goin, you discarded Campbell soup components!? I'm not done with you yet!"  
"UUUNnnnn-OWN!" they chanted at me from a distance in a ridiculing way,"Unnnnnn.own.!"  
"Get back HERE!" I screamed, but they had already disappeared into the night.  
What were those pokemon?  
Perhaps if I sleep tonight, I'll come across their purpose.  
"Damn." 


End file.
